< biology

< food is difficult sometimes. or a lot of the time

< good job

< something to be wielded and used and given purpose. by birthright. and it refuses, and it does not understand why

< i mean. i guess i know that, to some degree. there are things i wouldnt trust others with, only myself. change and agency. i can give it away a little bit, i guess, in some regards. maybe i'm just too closed off. i feel like it's. normal, though. i shouldnt need to. whatever

< maybe im just stubborn. maybe i refuse to really trust or lay myself bare or whatever youre supposed to do. maybe

< maybe if i could understand what i want and need without countless contradictions, without it being incredibly vague, maybe i could be better. maybe if i could feel pleasure i could be better. but. yknow. i suppose those things arent meant for something hollow at the core. so. Its Fine

< yeah.

< anyone else get that feeling when theyre kinda sad but not crying about it. like a kinda pain in the neck maybe arm. maybe finger joints. its not really a pain but almost. or is that just me and my nerves

< im just really fragile all of the time and it's so easy for me to just get into a down mood for the entire day and like yeah i dont really know how to navigate it. i dont know what i need. i dont know how someone else could know that either. youre just supposed to understand yourself

< im getting scruted..