wait dont look at my bookmarks i meant the (at)did:plcvfghghdgfdhgfgh

excuse me what????

YESSSS the book "why does he do that? inside the minds of angry and controlling men" addresses this!!! a lot of men generally just love existing in that space of willful ignorance and the women in their lives giving them excuses n chances over n over again

ive never had to deal w these problems/types of ppl myself, but wow its such a weak ass defense. "im just venting, why are u scared, its not like im hitting YOU" while theyre going insane breaking shit n screaming . like u must be fucking joking rn. esp w/ gender dynamics at play here....... wtf

at the same time if my friend is talking to me abt smth and they start adding a bunch of exclaimers im like. Yes babe ik!!!! ik u dont mean it literally!!!! dw!!!!

i thikn im just suspicious of super emotionally charged online speech

thank you!!!! i really appreciate it 🥰

thats fucked up???? the damage mite not show up right away but after decades it definitely creates problems 😭😭😭😭 fuckin useless doctors i s2g

thankfully none of this, not even having to read nutrition labels n do some calorie counting, has triggered restrictive ED urges so far. i think i built some resistance a few month ago when i decided to go off red meat entirely, it made my thoughts a bit ED-y for a while but eventually leveled out

i guess i gotta actually eat real meals at regular intervals huh??? im also trying to find a way to add more fiber + protein to my diet, n have snacking options that arent chips/candy/etc. my meals are def way too carb based but one thing at a time

i find the sensation of being actually full uncomfy so i tend to just eat a "real" meal a couple times a day n snack on various treats throughout the day. i def unconsciously avoid having meals until my stomach has been growling for hours, which keeps me craving for chips, chocolate, candy etc

this hasnt been a lifelong thing for me yet so i feel somewhat hopeful, the thought of having it constantly just as a genetic thing sounds so stressful n awful. im sorry :(((( have you been on meds for it?

this would all be easier if i didnt also suffer from SEVERE PATHOLOGICAL DEMAND AVOIDANCE which makes regular exercise almost impossible in the long term. i still need to try but the pressure from PDA can be completely immobilizing to me

i was so stressed yesterday i didnt take my vyvanse in the morning n it did lower my blood pressure somewhat, but it also took me like 3hrs to get up, i spent most of the day in bed, didnt paint/draw or shower, n didnt enjoy playing video games n just kept thinking abt not getting to eat food

its a decade of learning intuitive eating and chilling out about weight/calories/etc and unlearning ”morality” attitudes irt: food, destroyed cus i happen to have a body type that stores fat around the waist

i just hate the Calorie Stress. i hate the ”no i cant eat that bc i need to lose weight”. i hate the ”i should skip this nice thing i give myself bc im too fat”. it intrinsically feels like punishment for my body. in just 2 days i went from ”ugh i guess i gotta eat” to ”what am i ALLOWED to eat??”

after the phone call my first reaction was to panic but after processing and having a stress wank i came to the conclusion that if i didnt find out now idk WHEN i wouldve, so its sorta good to know now, n its also great that i finally have smth to motivate me to become healthier