I’ve obviously drawn this one in my ultra-realistic style, so usual reminder that my portrait is the image on the right.

Review from the customer:

‘You need to give your head a shake.’

Bob likes wobbly herring, men who walk awkwardly when wearing gloves, and saying ‘oh, is it Grade II Listed?’ whenever he walks into a room with b&q wood panelling.

I’ve obviously drawn this one in my ultra-realistic style, so usual reminder that my portrait is the image on the right.

Review from the customer:

‘I feel like I’ve been involved in an accident that wasn’t my fault…’

Ted likes nosy parker herring, men who confidently hand signal when turning left on a pushbike, and doing blow-offs that sound like a duck taking charge of the entertainment at a children’s birthday party.

I’ve obviously drawn this one in my ultra-realistic style, so usual reminder that my portrait is the image on the right.

Review from the customer:

‘Hello darkness, my old friend
You bring my eyes relief again
From the anger, pain, and soft weeping
It’s not the portrait that I was seeking’

Art likes inauspicious herring, aftershave that smells like a vicar’s misfortune, and doing blow-offs that sound like a duck dropping an Argos catalogue onto an undercooked Black Forest gateaux.

I’ve obviously drawn this one in my ultra-realistic style, so usual reminder that my portrait is the image on the right.

Review from the customer:

‘I’ve told all my friends to follow you. Mainly to make sure you don’t disappear before the police arrive.’

Jared likes obstreperous herring, candles that smell like a taxi driver’s sigh, and wondering why all Estate Agents property videos start with quick spinning drone shots from high up, as if they think viewing the house from a fairground ride is somehow attractive.

I’ve obviously drawn this one in my ultra-realistic style, so usual reminder that my portrait is the image on the right.

Review from the customer:

‘I wanna be ignored.’

Mani likes baseline herring that avoids the net, and doing blow-offs that sound like a goose doing primal scream therapy at Greenbooth Reservoir with a life coach it met on Facebook.

I’ve obviously drawn this one in my ultra-realistic style, so usual reminder that my portrait is the image on the right.

Review from the customer:

‘It’s ironic that you removed the bin, because that’s exactly what I’m now looking for…’

I don’t know what he’s called, but I’ve named him Bruce Binscene.

Bruce likes nightshift herring, houses with a high bifold door to wallspace ratio, and attempting to break the Guinness World Record for the most amount of dessert trolleys presented as evidence during a High-Court Trial.

I’ve obviously drawn this one in my ultra-realistic style, so usual reminder that my portrait is the image on the right.

Review from the customer:

‘I gave it an uppercut. Then a middle cut. Then a few more to get the pieces even smaller. Then I put them in the bin…’

Mike likes heavyweight herring, organising illegal bare knuckle Ker-plunk tournaments round the back of Hartlepool C&A, and doing blow-offs that sound like a duck discovering that a jam sandwich has leaked all over the inside of its briefcase.

I’ve obviously drawn this one in my ultra-realistic style, so usual reminder that my portrait is the image on the right.

Review from the customer:

‘It looks like a kangaroo peeking over a neglected set of bagpipes.’

Patricia likes high-class herring, Estate Agents who act like TV presenters, and doing blow-offs that sound like a duck chucking its entire paper round into a damp skip in protest about stagnant wages.