Not to pretend this didn't take immense effort. I had to make the choice to make these active changes and fight the impulse to fall into old habits. I was minorly allergic to normal cucumbers, so I had to find ones I wasn't. (Shout out to my very good friend for the alternative recommendation)

I'm eager to break some if these mentalities and habits, and reform something healthier, happier, with room to accept perfection is not the goal, but rather better healthy. Mental and physical. Developing habits that should, in time, become second nature. Ideally at least.

It's difficult because, being totally transparent, I've never had what is considered a healthy relationship to food. Without getting too in depth, canned foods are safe to me, I can't have my foods touch or it squicks me out of eating, I don't have good self image, ect. But these aren't healthy.

My goal is to lose another 40-45lbs over the next year or so, while finding that healthier balance. Then I'll at least be in what's considered the healthy range for my height and such. I figure that will help a lot too and just make me feel better in general.

Which is great cause while most of my life I struggled with a variety of ED's (namely anorexia and bulimia) I found I got too lax in my recovery and sorta rubberbanded? If that makes sense? I hit a weigh I didn't feel good at so I wanted to take steps to find a healthier relationship with food.

I don't think it's all this, but I changed a few habits I had. Anytime I think to snack on chips or sweets or anything like that, I just grab some English Cucumber and slice em up, salt em, eat that instead. And then I'm drinking more water than anything else. I managed to lose like...20lbs.

Downside, I have been tired. But not emotionally tired. Physically tired. I just feel like ai need to sleep more than I used to. And I'm not feeling great about my art (but I'm also not feeling any pressure about it either. So more neutral I suppose?)

The last time this happened, it was cause I was playing off of the DM after I asked what the characters name was and they were cursing that they had to come up with a name.

Now there is a bullied, kindly woman that we befriended back at our base named Sara Phuckit...

Somewhere out there in the world now is a badass, grandma aged woman, with a battle axe and an apron, kicking Zombie ass who is infamously known by the wastes, mad max style.

Meemaw Bernese, apparently lmao

I get it, to be fair, no one wants to be in Ship of Theseus: The Game, ya know?

It's not like we were too far either, we were only level 3. But perspective wise, that's level 3 in a campaign that ends at level 7. -sigh-