Well, you and I might say he was asleep. But "eyes closed for extended periods" is perfectly normal media precision, and not in any way a sign of journalistic obsequiousness, no siree...

Utterly sickening.

Apart from the fact that it's set, quite unambiguosly, on 2nd February, how can Groundhog Day be in contention here? Arguably, it's an Easter movie (people's lives improve because of the sacrifice of a man who returns from the dead).

I see the suspect has been remanded in custardy....

The police could not offer any photos of the object as it “has not yet been recovered”.

It will, no doubt, eggsit the suspect at some stage.

A friend of my son brought 4 cans of it to our house. No one would drink it, and after I poured it down the drain outside I made sure the cans were well hidden in the recycling bin in case the binman might see them and get the wrong idea.

It's quite incredible that even such a short snippet can reflect the utter brilliance of his work.

Happening out in the sticks too.
It's bizarre.