Patrick Hastie
@patrickhastie.bsky.social
Comedian.
Buy My Album on Bandcamp: https://shorturl.at/eiuM9
Watch My Special:
https://youtu.be/H5JsAYvn6Nc?si=BdApQhRVvkI_SoPA
Website: http://patrickhastie.com/
Buy My Album on Bandcamp: https://shorturl.at/eiuM9
Watch My Special:
https://youtu.be/H5JsAYvn6Nc?si=BdApQhRVvkI_SoPA
Website: http://patrickhastie.com/
The Godfather is a Christmas movie.
December 21, 2025 at 4:00 AM
The Godfather is a Christmas movie.
Just found out we got Mario Paint.
December 21, 2025 at 3:32 AM
Just found out we got Mario Paint.
A fun way to lose a lot of respect for someone is to run an important email they sent you through an AI detector.
December 21, 2025 at 3:27 AM
A fun way to lose a lot of respect for someone is to run an important email they sent you through an AI detector.
[Me, thinking Anjelica Huston is Ghislaine Maxwell in this pic]
Oh no, Jack, what are you doing!
Oh no, Jack, what are you doing!
December 21, 2025 at 12:54 AM
[Me, thinking Anjelica Huston is Ghislaine Maxwell in this pic]
Oh no, Jack, what are you doing!
Oh no, Jack, what are you doing!
Not bad, but I liked "Epstein: The Curse of the Black Pearl" better.
December 21, 2025 at 12:51 AM
Not bad, but I liked "Epstein: The Curse of the Black Pearl" better.
█████████? █████████████?
December 20, 2025 at 7:06 PM
█████████? █████████████?
Applying to this position. I always wanted to work with Kevin Smith.
December 2, 2025 at 1:26 AM
Applying to this position. I always wanted to work with Kevin Smith.
Larry: Who was it?
Cheryl: Nuzzi.
Larry: He slept with a Newsie?
Cheryl: No, her name is Nuzzi. Olivia Nuzzi, the writer.
Larry: Oh, for the New Yorker, I know her. She's engaged to Lizza.
Cheryl: Lizzo?
Larry: Lizza. Ryan Lizza. The man who brought down The Mooch.
Cheryl: Nuzzi.
Larry: He slept with a Newsie?
Cheryl: No, her name is Nuzzi. Olivia Nuzzi, the writer.
Larry: Oh, for the New Yorker, I know her. She's engaged to Lizza.
Cheryl: Lizzo?
Larry: Lizza. Ryan Lizza. The man who brought down The Mooch.
November 22, 2025 at 8:08 PM
Larry: Who was it?
Cheryl: Nuzzi.
Larry: He slept with a Newsie?
Cheryl: No, her name is Nuzzi. Olivia Nuzzi, the writer.
Larry: Oh, for the New Yorker, I know her. She's engaged to Lizza.
Cheryl: Lizzo?
Larry: Lizza. Ryan Lizza. The man who brought down The Mooch.
Cheryl: Nuzzi.
Larry: He slept with a Newsie?
Cheryl: No, her name is Nuzzi. Olivia Nuzzi, the writer.
Larry: Oh, for the New Yorker, I know her. She's engaged to Lizza.
Cheryl: Lizzo?
Larry: Lizza. Ryan Lizza. The man who brought down The Mooch.
I still find it so confusing that Brian Kelly got fired from LSU by this 24 year old French actress.
November 21, 2025 at 7:45 PM
I still find it so confusing that Brian Kelly got fired from LSU by this 24 year old French actress.
ESPN sucks so fucking much.
November 18, 2025 at 3:57 AM
ESPN sucks so fucking much.
This fucking cop.
November 15, 2025 at 6:42 PM
This fucking cop.
Aaron Rodgers at home after the game, having a nice evening with his new wife.
November 10, 2025 at 9:35 PM
Aaron Rodgers at home after the game, having a nice evening with his new wife.
Albert Woolson, a Civil War veteran, died in 1956. Mitch McConnell was in high school at the time.
November 7, 2025 at 7:32 PM
Albert Woolson, a Civil War veteran, died in 1956. Mitch McConnell was in high school at the time.
My only goal for the rest of 2025 is to bridge the gap between NFL fans and #booktok / #smuttok to get fan fic and horny erotica written about how in 2022 Sam Darnold and Baker Mayfield fell madly in love in Carolina and when they fucked, it unlocked their full potential.
November 7, 2025 at 7:01 PM
My latest for the New York Times
November 7, 2025 at 5:34 PM
My latest for the New York Times
Watching Andrew Cuomo get his ass beat by Mamdani a second time is so fucking funny.
November 5, 2025 at 4:09 AM
Watching Andrew Cuomo get his ass beat by Mamdani a second time is so fucking funny.
what does it all mean?
October 6, 2025 at 6:36 PM
what does it all mean?
I love this Teenage Jason Isbell clone they got on this Wayward show on Netflix.
October 6, 2025 at 12:19 AM
I love this Teenage Jason Isbell clone they got on this Wayward show on Netflix.
One Battle After Another ruled.
October 3, 2025 at 11:25 PM
One Battle After Another ruled.
Bobby Petrino is like a fucking Twilight Zone character.
A true fuck up who shits his pants at every instance, but continues to receive no real comeuppance.
A true fuck up who shits his pants at every instance, but continues to receive no real comeuppance.
September 28, 2025 at 6:01 PM
Bobby Petrino is like a fucking Twilight Zone character.
A true fuck up who shits his pants at every instance, but continues to receive no real comeuppance.
A true fuck up who shits his pants at every instance, but continues to receive no real comeuppance.
Starting to think this guy was the only motherfucker that was paying attention.
September 28, 2025 at 3:29 PM
Starting to think this guy was the only motherfucker that was paying attention.
They call him, "the blue pen bandit".
September 24, 2025 at 8:56 PM
They call him, "the blue pen bandit".
Dang, it's 1:45 and my phone is already at 58%!
September 24, 2025 at 6:18 PM
Dang, it's 1:45 and my phone is already at 58%!
Young Ben Mendelsohn on a cordless phone.
September 22, 2025 at 11:24 PM
Young Ben Mendelsohn on a cordless phone.
I love letterboxd.
September 11, 2025 at 11:48 PM
I love letterboxd.