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paragraphfilms.bsky.social
🎬 Short Movie Reviews 🍿
@paragraphfilms.bsky.social
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📼 Film reviews: world cinema, action, B-Movies, & TV.
📝 Letterboxd. 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 #FilmSky
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ME: I'm going to watch so many great films in 2026.

ALSO ME:
Letterboxd stats for January showing the most-watched director as Uwe Boll. Why am I like this??
February 1, 2026 at 10:18 PM
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THE FENCE (🇬🇧 GB 2022) the period detail is fantastic: from the clothes, cars, & locations down to insanely specific British culture like the school fights, car atlas... Although the story was all over the place, it looked great and I enjoyed every minute spent in this setting.

SCORE: 6.5/10
THE FENCE (🇬🇧 GB 2022) the period detail is fantastic: from the clothes, cars, & locations down to insanely specific British culture like the hardest kids in school fight, "went to see a man about a dog", car atlas... Although the story was all over the place, it looked great and I enjoyed every minute spent in this setting. SCORE: 6.5/10 Motorbikes, fast cars, punch-ups and 80's music. Set on the streets of 1980s Bristol (UK), this retro flick follows a council estate kid out to settle the score with local thieves. David Perkins Steven Knight Eugene Simon Andrew Knight Sally Phillips Sharon Knight Jayde Adams Miss Bourne Lee Armstrong Ricky Picket Alexander Lincoln Wayne Pickett Joe Sims Mr. Arnold Neil Berrett Mr. Knight Marc Bessant Policeman #1 Tyler Brooks Gary Tomas Budin Kevin Jenkins (Candles) Paul Cooper Gibsy Marc Danbury PC Filer
January 31, 2026 at 11:59 AM
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THE TANK (🇩🇪 DE 2025) Some intense battle & action scenes, and it dives into 'following orders' & Third Reich atrocities. The bridge, minefield, tank battles & water scenes are fantastic - Das Boot levels of creaky tension. Well directed, but the conclusion is an absolute shitshow.

SCORE: 7/10
THE TANK (🇩🇪 DE 2025) Some intense battle & action scenes, and it dives into 'following orders' & Third Reich atrocities. The bridge, minefield, tank battles & water scenes are fantastic - Das Boot levels of creaky tension. Well directed, lots of great show-don't-tell - but the conclusion is an absolute shitshow. SCORE: 7/10 The five-man crew of a German Tiger tank is sent on a secret mission far behind the fiercely contested front line. Fueled by the Wehrmacht's methamphetamine, their mission increasingly becomes a journey into the heart of darkness.
January 31, 2026 at 11:53 AM
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KILLER SOFA (🇳🇿 NZ 2019) Minimal gore, no nudity, even swearing - unforgivable for something sold as a schlocky B-movie! For a film about a murderous sofa, it makes the ultimate sin of being boring & serious. The promising premise makes a good poster & trailer, that's it!

SCORE: 3/10
B-MOVIE: 1/10
KILLER SOFA (🇳🇿 NZ 2019) Despite being 80 mins long this takes over half an hour to get to the first kill. Very little gore, no nudity, even swearing - unforgivable for something sold as a schlocky B-movie! For a film about a murderous sofa, it makes the ultimate sin of being boring and serious. The promising premise makes a good poster & trailer - and although this isn't a terrible film, it was a slog to finish. Cool sofa design though! SCORE: 3/10 B-MOVIE: 1/10 Killer Sofa is a 2019 New Zealand low-budget direct-to-DVD comedy horror film written and directed by Bernie Rao. Starring Piimio Mei, Nathalie Morris, Harley Neville, Stacey King, Jed Brophy, Jim Baltaxe, and Grant Kereama, the film follows a living recliner that commits crimes in the name of passion for its new owner. The film was released on DVD by American distributor High Octane Pictures on 1 October 2019 and received mixed reviews from critics, though its humour was generally positively received
January 27, 2026 at 9:52 AM
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INTERVIEW (🇮🇳 1971) Experimental, meta, and political Indian film with a high rating. Very cinematic, loads of striking imagery & bold editing: feels closer to French or Czech. The messaging definitely feels like a "first film", but there's plenty of memorable moments in here.

SCORE: 7/10
INTERVIEW (🇮🇳 1971) Experimental, meta, and political Indian film with a rating of 4.0 - had to be watched! Very cinematic, loads of striking imagery and bold editing choices: feels closer to something French or Czech. The plot and messaging definitely feels like a "first film", but there's plenty memorable and interesting moments in here. SCORE: 7/10 Interview is a 1971 Bengali film directed by noted Indian art film director Mrinal Sen.[1] It was the debut film of Ranjit Mallick. Although it was a film on the colonial hangover, it touched on diverse issues like anti-establishment, middle class cowardice, and unemployment.
January 27, 2026 at 9:47 AM
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DEATH BY LIGHTNING (🇺🇸 S1) tries to cram too much into four episodes. Strong cast, a decent script, but the humour / fun aspect was very hit and miss. Does a good job of shining a light on a little known (at least outside of America) and quite interesting part of American history.

SCORE: 6/10
DEATH BY LIGHTNING (🇺🇸 S1) tries to cram too much into four episodes. Strong cast, a decent script, but the humour / fun aspect was very hit and miss. Does a good job of shining a light on a little known (at least outside of America) and quite interesting part of American history. SCORE: 6/10 Death By Lightning is an American historical drama miniseries created by Mike Makowsky and based on the 2011 book Destiny of the Republic by Candice Millard. It stars Michael Shannon as United States President James A. Garfield and Matthew Macfadyen as his assassin Charles J. Guiteau. The four-episode series premiered on November 6, 2025, on Netflix. It received widespread acclaim from critics, with particular praise for the performances, and was named one of the best television programs of the year by the American Film Institute.
January 27, 2026 at 9:43 AM
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POLICE STORY: LOCKDOWN (🇭🇰🇨🇳 2013) Ripe dialogue and grim tone that's miles off the original films. None of the playful energy or action. Too serious, wordy, generic, & too boring. When you see the CCP production logo up top you know you're in for a state-sanctioned lesson in 'morality'.

SCORE: 3/10
POLICE STORY: LOCKDOWN (🇭🇰🇨🇳 2013) Ripe dialogue and a nihilistic tone that's miles off of the original films. None of the playful energy or flowing action. Too serious, too wordy, too generic, and too boring. When you see the CCP production logo up top you know you're in for a state-sanctioned lesson in 'morality'. SCORE: 3/10 Police Story 2013 (also known as Police Story: Lockdown) is a 2013 neo-noir action thriller film directed and written by Ding Sheng. A Chinese-Hong Kong co-production, it stars Jackie Chan in another reboot of the Police Story film series. The film is directed by Ding Sheng, who previously helmed Chan's Little Big Soldier. Unlike the previous Police Story films where he portrays a Hong Kong cop, Chan instead portrays a mainland Chinese officer.
January 27, 2026 at 9:39 AM
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D13 / DISTRICT B13 (🇫🇷 FR 2004) A funny reminder of insane "Max Power" car & lad culture of the time. Being based on parkour, this has some of the best & most breathless stunts going. Packed with action & social commentary - and clocking in at 80 mins - this is a lovely wee French treat.

SCORE: 7/10
D13 / DISTRICT B13 (🇫🇷 FR 2004) A funny reminder of insane "Max Power" car and lad culture of the time - monstrous cars, machismo, swagger, guns, and drugs. Being centered around parkour, this has some of the best and most breathless stunts going. Packed with action & social commentary - and clocking in at 80 mins - this is a lovely wee French treat. SCORE: 7/10 District B13 (French title Banlieue 13 or B13), is a 2004 French action film directed by Pierre Morel, produced by Luc Besson, and written by Besson and Bibi Naceri.[5] It depicts parkour in several action sequences, which was completed without wires or CGI, leading critics to draw comparisons to the Thai film Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior.[6][7][8] David Belle plays Leïto, the story's main character. This is the final film of Tony D'Amario, who plays K2, before his death in 2005.
January 27, 2026 at 9:35 AM
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HIJACK (🇬🇧 S1) tense, gripping, and moreish cranked-up drama. The premise & motives are slowly revealed and every moment is wrung for maximum tension. As with most shows the final episode becomes ridiculous and asks you to suspend a lot of disbelief. Neil Maskell is a national treasure.

SCORE: 7/10
HIJACK (🇬🇧 S1) tense, gripping, and moreish cranked-up drama. The premise and motives are slowly revealed and every moment is wrung for maximum tension. As with most shows the final episode becomes ridiculous and asks you to suspend a lot of disbelief. SCORE: 7/10 Hijack (stylised as H/JACK) is a thriller television series created by George Kay and Jim Field Smith, with Idris Elba starring in the lead role. It premiered on 28 June 2023 on Apple TV+. In January 2024, it was renewed for a second series, which premiered on 14 January 2026 Idris Elba as Sam Nelson, a lawyer and corporate business negotiator Christine Adams as Marsha Smith-Nelson, Sam's estranged wife, a physics professor Max Beesley as DI Daniel O'Farrel, Marsha's boyfriend, a Metropolitan Police officer Archie Panjabi as DCI Zahra Gahfoor, O'Farrel's former partner and a member of SO15 Neil Maskell as Stuart Atterton / Gerald Taylor, Lewis' elder brother and the leader of the hijackers Ben Miles as Captain Robin Allen, the pilot of Kingdom Airlines Flight 29 Kaisa Hammarlund as Anna Kovacs, the first officer of Kingdom Airlines Flight 29 Zora Bishop as Deevia Khan, the lead flight attendant Jeremy Ang Jones as Arthur, a flight attendant Kate Phillips as Collette Fisher, a flight attendant who is having an affair with Robin Jasper Britton as Terry Reid / Marcus Sutton, one of the hijackers Jack McMullen as Lewis Atterton / Ryan Cunningham, Stuart's younger brother and one of the hijackers Aimée Kelly as Jamie Constantinou / Bella Cunningham, one of the hijackers Mohamed Elsandel as Jaden Dahir / Alexander Kier, one of the hijackers Eve Myles as Alice Sinclair, an air traffic controller Hattie Morahan as Louise Aitchison, the British Foreign Secretary Neil Stuke as Neil Walsh, the British Home Secretary Simon McBurney as Edgar Janssen, the leader of a powerful crime syndicate
January 19, 2026 at 11:37 PM
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LOOK BACK (🇯🇵 JP 2024) hour long animé. Structure is odd - one or two scenes of plot/dialogue that cues up a soppily-scored montage engineered to manipulate your feelings - rinse and repeat. It's fine, but is definitely aimed at the weebs and a younger "OMG this is so me" crowd.

SCORE: 6/10
LOOK BACK (🇯🇵 JP 2024) hour long animé. Structure is odd - one or two scenes of plot/dialogue that cues up a soppily-scored montage engineered to manipulate your feelings. It's fine, but is definitely aimed at the weebs and a younger "OMG this is so me" crowd. SCORE: 6/10 Look Back (Japanese: ルックバック, Hepburn: Rukku Bakku) is a 2024 Japanese animated coming-of-age drama film based on the one-shot web manga of the same name by Tatsuki Fujimoto. The film is directed by Kiyotaka Oshiyama [ja], who also wrote the screenplay and served as a character designer, and produced by Studio Durian. It stars Yuumi Kawai and Mizuki Yoshida as two girls with a passion for drawing—the outgoing Fujino (Kawai) and the truant recluse Kyomoto (Yoshida), the latter of whose artistic ability inspires a competitive fervor in Fujino that soon develops into a partnership.
January 19, 2026 at 11:33 PM
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NO OTHER CHOICE (🇰🇷 KR 2025) the direction and editing are striking and meticulous, throwing out vibrant images that are a pleasure to take in. The plot is where this falls short; a post/sub-Parasite yarn that is far too slapstick and absurd - maybe the humour just doesn't travel well.

SCORE: 7/10
NO OTHER CHOICE (🇰🇷 KR 2025) the direction and editing are striking and meticulous, creating bold images that are vibrant, deliberate, and a pleasure to take in. None of the cast out a foot wrong. The plot is where this falls short; a post/sub-Parasite yarn that is far too slapstick and absurd - maybe the humour just doesn't travel well. SCORE: 7/10 No Other Choice (Korean: 어쩔수가없다) is a 2025 South Korean satirical black comedy thriller film co-written, produced, and directed by Park Chan-wook. Based on The Ax by Donald Westlake, the film stars Lee Byung-hun, Son Ye-jin, Park Hee-soon, Lee Sung-min, Yeom Hye-ran, and Cha Seung-won. It is the second film adaptation of the novel, after the 2005 French-language feature The Axe directed by Costa-Gavras, to whom No Other Choice is dedicated in the closing credits. The film follows a desperate paper industry expert who decides to kill off his competition to be assured of the job he seeks to maintain his way of life.
January 19, 2026 at 11:29 PM
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McWALTER (🇧🇬🇫🇷🇺🇸 2025) a Bulgarian-French spy parody that's crammed with the silliest jokes you can imagine. Basically a Naked Gun film. The first hour was fantastic - with gags every ten seconds at some points - but the final act flops hard and the jokes really dry up.

SCORE: 6/10
McWALTER (🇧🇬🇫🇷🇺🇸 2025) a Bulgarian-French spy parody that's crammed with the silliest jokes you can imagine. Looking at the reviews on here, French speakers seem to hate this - but I can't understand why as it's basically a Naked Gun film. First hour was fantastic - with gags every ten seconds at some points - but the final act flops hard and the jokes really dry up. SCORE: 6/10 McWalter is a French film directed by Simon Astier and released in2025. Mister V : McWalter Géraldine Nakache : Miranda William Lebghil : Pollux Vincent Dedienne : Drogan François Berléand : Sorkin Axel Mandron: Tristan Delphine Baril : Sheriff Camille Lavabre: Tracy Vincent Tirel : mime Chahine Beriah: the fake Yuri Cyril Gueï : the priest Simon Astier : Boat henchman Eric Denize: Captain Doudou Masta : a crook Arnaud Joyet : Circle host Benjamin Bellecour : scientist / nurse SorKin Freddy Gladieux : the mayor Jonathan Cohen : Yuri Ventzislav Dimitrov: the Spanish guide Richard Darbois : Daniel the Eagle
January 19, 2026 at 11:23 PM
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SGT. KABUKIMAN N.Y.P.D (🇺🇸 US 1990) More creative, funnier, and entertaining than almost every superhero flick before and after. Top tier, and one of the most wild and enjoyable B-movies I can remember watching. Cleverly-shot, non-stop, absolutely bonkers schlock and fun.

SCORE: 8/10
B-MOVIE: 9.5/10
SGT. KABUKIMAN N.Y.P.D (🇺🇸 1990) More creative, funnier, and entertaining than almost every superhero flick before and after. Troma films can be hit or miss for me, but this is top tier, and one of the most wild and enjoyable B-movies I can remember watching. Cleverly-shot, non-stop, absolutely bonkers schlock and fun. SCORE: 8/10 B-MOVIE: 9.5/10 Sgt. Kabukiman N.Y.P.D. is a 1990 American superhero comedy film directed by Lloyd Kaufman and Michael Herz, and produced and distributed by Troma Entertainment. Rick Gianasi as Harry Griswold / Sgt. Kabukiman Susan Byun as Lotus Bill Weeden as Reginald Stuart Thomas Crnkovich as Rembrandt Larry Robinson as Rev. Snipes Noble Lee Lester as Capt. Bender Pamela Alster as Connie LaRosa Shaler McClure as Felicia Fumio Furuya as Sato Jeff Wineshmutz as Hernandez Joe Fleishaker as Joseph Brick Bronsky as Jughead
January 19, 2026 at 11:16 PM
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KILLER TONGUE (🇪🇸🇬🇧 1996) Completely unhinged, cinematic ambition, & surprisingly well shot; but the editing makes this an absolute nightmare to follow. Gore, aliens, horror FX, phallic tongues, and drag queen dogs... A truly bizarre film - 90 mins of weapons grade WTF!?!?

SCORE: 5/10
B-MOVIE: 7.5/10
KILLER TONGUE (🇪🇸🇬🇧 1996) Completely unhinged, moments of cinematic ambition, and surprisingly well shot - but the editing makes this an absolute nightmare to follow. Looks like Jodorowsky made a Eurotrash-inspired Brain Damage remake! Great to see the likes of Robert Englund, Jonathan Rhys Meyers & Edward Tudor-Pole make appearances. Gore, aliens, horror FX, phallic tongues, and drag queen dogs... A truly bizarre film - 90 mins of weapons grade WTF!?!? SCORE: 5/10 B-MOVIE: 7.5/10 Killer Tongue (La lengua asesina) is a 1996 British/Spanish science fiction comedy horror film directed by Alberto Sciamma and starring Melinda Clarke, Jason Durr, and Robert Englund. Melinda Clarke as Candy Jason Durr as Johnny Mapi Galán as Rita Robert Englund as Prison Director Alicia Borrachero as Reporter Doug Bradley as Wig Terry Forrestal as Postman Gareth Marks as Tongue (voice) Jonathan Rhys Meyers as Rudolph[4] Stephen Marcus as Ralph Edward Tudor-Pole as Flash Nigel Whitmey as Chip
January 19, 2026 at 11:11 PM
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THE RIP (🇺🇸 US 2026) gritty cop drama that twists and turns it's way through the runtime. I'm fed up with the 'Netflix look' - it feels so cheap. The okayest film you'll see this year: huge names on autopilot earning easy money, and you'll forget everything about this in a week or so.

SCORE: 6/10
THE RIP (🇺🇸 US 2026) gritty cop drama that twists and turns it's way through the runtime. I'm fed up with the 'Netflix look' - flat picture, green & red lighting, confusing action scenes, poor VFX - it looks so cheap. The okayest film you'll see this year: huge names on autopilot earning easy money, and you'll forget everything about this in a week or so. SCORE: 6/10 The Rip is a 2026 American action thriller film written and directed by Joe Carnahan who developed the story with Michael McGrale. The film stars Matt Damon, Ben Affleck, Steven Yeun, Teyana Taylor, Sasha Calle, Catalina Sandino Moreno, Scott Adkins, and Kyle Chandler. The film was released by Netflix on January 16, 2026
January 17, 2026 at 11:24 PM
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WHITE LOTUS (🇺🇸 S3) feels like a parody of earlier seasons - slow motion scenery and inane chatter with about ten mins of meaningful plot per hour. Token bizarre sex acts thrown in for notoriety. Lazy and dull compared to S1 and S2.

SCORE: 5/10
WHITE LOTUS (🇺🇸 S3) feels like a parody of earlier seasons - slow motion scenery and inane chatter with about ten mins of meaningful plot per hour. Token bizarre sex acts thrown in for notoriety. Lazy and dull compared to S1 and S2. SCORE: 5/10 Leslie Bibb as Kate Bohr Carrie Coon as Laurie Duffy Walton Goggins as Rick Hatchett Sarah Catherine Hook as Piper Ratliff Jason Isaacs as Timothy Ratliff Lalisa Manobal Michelle Monaghan as Jaclyn Lemon Sam Nivola as Lochlan Ratliff Lek Patravadi as Sritala Hollinger Parker Posey as Victoria Ratliff Patrick Schwarzenegger as Saxon Ratliff Tayme Thapthimthong as Gaitok Aimee Lou Wood as Chelsea Sam Rockwell as Frank Scott Glenn as Jim Hollinger
January 14, 2026 at 4:42 PM
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SIRĀT (🇪🇸🇫🇷 2025) road trip set in the Moroccan desert. Hypnotic laser raves, and 'music video' type segments. It's quite arthousy; long takes, slow pacing, & vibes-based shooting. Throws up a few of the most unexpected and "Holy Shit" scenes I can remember - and the final act is INTENSE!

SCORE: 7/10
SIRĀT (🇪🇸🇫🇷 2025) road trip movie set in the ultra cinematic Moroccan desert & mountains. Hypnotic laser rave scenes, and a few 'music video' type segments. It's quite arthousy - long takes, slow pacing, and vibes-based shooting. Throws up a few of the most unexpected and "Holy Shit" scenes I can remember, and the final act is intense. SCORE: 7/10 Sirāt is a 2025 drama film directed by Óliver Laxe and co-written by Santiago Fillol and Laxe. It follows a father (Sergi López) in search of his missing daughter along with his son and a group of ravers in the deserts of southern Morocco.
January 14, 2026 at 4:39 PM
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TRAIN DREAMS (🇺🇸 US 2025) Arthouse Forest Gump, tells the life story of a simple man in a cinematic manner. It looks gorgeous and is full of Terence Malik style shots. Some lazy narration - my bugbear. Fantastic turn by Edgerton, but it's all too slight, slow, and poetic for my taste.

SCORE: 6/10
TRAIN DREAMS (🇺🇸 US 2025) Like an arthouse Forest Gump, this tells the life story of a simple man in a cinematic manner. It looks gorgeous and is rammed with Terence Malik style golden hour / nature / lens flare shots. Some lazy narration - a bugbear of mine. Fantastic turn by Edgerton, but it's all too slight, slow, and poetic for my taste. SCORE: 6/10 Train Dreams is a 2025 American period drama film directed by Clint Bentley, who co-wrote the screenplay with Greg Kwedar, based on the 2011 novella by Denis Johnson. The film stars Joel Edgerton, Felicity Jones, Nathaniel Arcand, Clifton Collins Jr., John Diehl, Paul Schneider, Kerry Condon, and William H. Macy, with narration from Will Patton.
January 14, 2026 at 4:33 PM
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I SWEAR (🇬🇧🇮🇪 2025) incredible performances from the young & old Johns. Not as upbeat as the trailer suggests: every laugh comes from the inappropriate ticks, which feels like lazy writing. A fascinating & unbelievable life story told in quite a safe and pedestrian made-for-TV manner.

SCORE: 7/10
I SWEAR (🇬🇧🇮🇪 2025) incredible performances from the young and old Johns. Not as upbeat as the trailer suggests, and every single laugh comes from the inappropriate ticks - which feels like lazy writing. A fascinating and unbelievable life story told in an unforgivably pedestrian made-for-TV drama manner. SCORE: 7/10 I Swear is a 2025 Scottish biographical drama film directed, written, and produced by Kirk Jones. It is based on the true life story of John Davidson, a Scottish man with severe Tourette's syndrome, and follows his life primarily following the 1989 television documentary John's Not Mad, at a time when his condition was barely identifiable. The film stars Robert Aramayo as Davidson, alongside Maxine Peake, Shirley Henderson and Peter Mullan in supporting roles. Scott Ellis Watson makes his acting debut as a young Davidson.
January 14, 2026 at 4:30 PM
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MEAN GIRLS (🇺🇸 US 2004) I am 100% the wrong age, nationality, and sex to be coming to Mean Girls for the first time. Loads of sass, quips, and very much a product of its time. I enjoyed seeing a generation of new talent right before they became huge - that was about it.

SCORE: 3/10
MEAN GIRLS (🇺🇸 US 2004) I am 100% the wrong age, nationality, and sex to be coming to Mean Girls for the first time. Loads of sass, quips, and very much a product of its time. I enjoyed seeing a generation of new talent right before they became huge - that was about it. Is this the 2000s female equivalent of what American Pie is to millennial dudes?? SCORE: 3/10 Mean Girls is a 2004 American teen comedy film directed by Mark Waters and written by Tina Fey. It stars Lindsay Lohan, Rachel McAdams, Ana Gasteyer, Tim Meadows, Amy Poehler, and Fey. The film follows Cady Heron (Lohan), a naïve teenager who transfers to an American high school after years of homeschooling in Africa. Cady quickly befriends outcasts Janis and Damian (Lizzy Caplan and Daniel Franzese), with the trio forming a plan to exact revenge on Regina George (McAdams), the leader of an envied clique known as "the Plastics".
January 6, 2026 at 3:13 PM
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TERRA (🇫🇷 FR 2015) TV-testing grade footage of vibrant colours, cultures, animals, and scenery. Planet Earth informs the first half, while Koyaanisqatsi looms large over the second. Shocking scenes of industrial butchery & farming, poaching, and ship-breaking. YouTube video essay vibes!

SCORE: 5/10
TERRA (🇫🇷 FR 2015) TV-testing grade footage of vibrant colours, cultures, animals, and scenery. Planet Earth informs the first half, while Koyaanisqatsi looms large over the second. Shocking scenes of industrial butchery & farming, big game poaching, and ship-breaking. Like a slick YouTube 'video essay' this has high level, superficial, annoyingly-voiced, and fairly tedious commentary overlaying some sensational (stock?) footage. SCORE: 5/10 A visually stunning documentary that reflects human's relationship to other species on Earth as humanity becomes more and more isolated from Nature.
January 6, 2026 at 3:10 PM
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METAL LORDS (🇺🇸 US 2022) Looks & feels like a kid's film but is filled with incredibly detailed heavy metal lore and gags. Carried by hundreds of neat observations about practicing, playing live, music gear, and being in bands. It's no HEAVY TRIP, but is worth a gamble for metalheads.

SCORE: 6.5/10
METAL LORDS (🇺🇸 US 2022) Looks & feels like a kid's film - Diary of a Wimpy Metal Lord(?) - but is filled with incredibly detailed heavy metal lore, history, and gags. The tone and vibe are all over the place - and I've got no idea how such a weird film managed to clear so many huge metal songs. Carried by hundreds of neat observations about practicing, playing live, music gear, and being in bands. It's no HEAVY TRIP, but as a metal fan this gets a pass. SCORE: 6.5/10 Metal Lords is a 2022 American teen comedy-drama film written by D. B. Weiss and directed by Peter Sollett. The story follows two high school best friends and metal music lovers, Hunter and Kevin, who set out to start a metal band, against societal norms.] Notably, the renowned guitarist Tom Morello was an executive producer and wrote some of the songs performed in the film] The film was released on Netflix on April 8, 2022
January 6, 2026 at 3:00 PM
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PAN'S LABYRINTH (🇲🇽🇪🇸🇺🇸 2006) A children's fairytale that's so violent only adults can watch it. Impressive direction, SFX hold up well, and the story is complex and can be read in endless ways. Fantastic & ambitious filmmaking - an oddity that I imagine would struggle to get made today.

SCORE: 7.5/10
PAN'S LABYRINTH (🇲🇽🇪🇸🇺🇸 2006) The weirdest film; a children's fairytale that's so violent and creepy only the adults can watch it. Impressive direction, the SFX hold up well, and the story is complex and can be read in endless ways. Final act felt a bit too predictable and drawn out - still, it's a fantastic and ambitious piece of filmmaking - the kind of oddity that I imagine would struggle to get made today. SCORE: 7.5/10 Pan's Labyrinth (Spanish: El laberinto del fauno, lit. 'The Labyrinth of the Faun') is a 2006 dark fantasy film[5][6] written, directed and co-produced by Guillermo del Toro. The film stars Ivana Baquero, Sergi López, Maribel Verdú, Doug Jones, and Ariadna Gil.
January 4, 2026 at 11:57 AM
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BETTER MAN (🇦🇺🇬🇧🇺🇸🇨🇳🇨🇾 2024) The monkey choice is mad - every single scene made me wonder "why the fuck did they do that!?" Unforgivable that it drops RWs best songs in favour of the slow ballads to fit the narrative and tone of the movie. Car crash final act doesn't know how to end.

SCORE: 5.5/10
BETTER MAN (🇦🇺🇬🇧🇺🇸🇨🇳🇨🇾 2024) The monkey decision is mental - every single scene made me wonder "why the fuck did they make him an ape!?" It struggles with the push and pull between faithful biopic and attempted West End musical launch. Unforgivable for me that it also dodges a lot of RWs biggest bangers in favour of the slow ballads to fit the narrative and tone of the movie. Car crash final act that doesn't know how to end as there's no real life tragedy or fairytale to lean in to. Some poignant moments, but a bit of a hot mess overall. An interesting idea that just didn't sit well with me. SCORE: 5.5/10 Better Man is a 2024 biographical jukebox musical drama film directed by Michael Gracey from a screenplay by Gracey, Simon Gleeson and Oliver Cole. It is based on the life of the English singer Robbie Williams and stars Williams, Jonno Davies, Steve Pemberton and Alison Steadman, and is a co-production between Australia, China, France, the United Kingdom and the United States.
January 4, 2026 at 11:52 AM
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ON HER MAJESTY'S SECRET SERVICE (🇬🇧 GB 1969) A long, slow, & unforgivably boring Bond film. All the action scenes look like dogshit; awful cutting & speed ramping. Spends the runtime desperately trying to convince you it's a real Bond film, down to the dodgy Connery accent impersonation.

SCORE: 3/10
ON HER MAJESTY'S SECRET SERVICE (🇬🇧 GB 1969) A long, slow, and unforgivably boring Bond film. All the action scenes look like dogshit - awful cutting and speed ramping. Spends the runtime desperately trying to convince you it's a real Bond film, down to the dodgy Connery accent impersonation. This will be the last time I watch OHMSS. The skiing and car chase are the only solid parts of this mission. SCORE: 3/10 On Her Majesty's Secret Service is a 1969 spy film and the sixth in the James Bond series produced by Eon Productions. It is based on the 1963 novel by Ian Fleming. Following Sean Connery's decision to retire from the role after You Only Live Twice, Eon selected George Lazenby, a model with no prior acting credits, to play the part of James Bond. During filming, Lazenby announced that he would play the role of Bond only once. Connery returned to portray Bond in 1971's Diamonds Are Forever.
January 4, 2026 at 11:44 AM