sorry

I will never be good enough for anyone again and I need to stop pretending

it's hard and I want to lay down and cry, but I'm trying

I fall a little harder each day it's kind of insane

I am grateful that the one thing I can keep up with even when depressed is proper hygiene. even if I suck at everything else

maybe I can get lucky tho if I play nice with these med adjustments and they'll just give up and give me ketamine

finding hope, and losing it, and desperately missing it is so painful

I'm trying very hard to keep everything together

my mom is in the hospital for mixing up her meds or something. I can't get many details because my brother isn't responding. keith says she needs to be in an assisted living facility.
What do I do?

I think it's ok.. it's ok for me to be in love. it's ok to be happy. it's ok to move on with my life. I can't wait to see him again

also feeling kind of terrified for the future