nolunchdeepweb
@nolunchdeepweb.bsky.social
Delivering high quality marketing solutions using deep data magick across the astral plane.
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mr president it seems our worst fears have come true, Wario is digging up golf courses all over the world
trump, solemnly
is he saying waaah
trump, solemnly
is he saying waaah
Dad fell off his Wicker Man last night, too much of a cheap bastard to get a joiner out. He's asked me to finish the repairs, eh no chance
February 10, 2026 at 1:08 PM
Dad fell off his Wicker Man last night, too much of a cheap bastard to get a joiner out. He's asked me to finish the repairs, eh no chance
Looks like yesterday was the wrong day to unveil my "I'm Going Bananas for Anas" tattoo
February 10, 2026 at 11:49 AM
Looks like yesterday was the wrong day to unveil my "I'm Going Bananas for Anas" tattoo
Kicked out of camp on Lord of the Flies island for filling the conch with birdshit, some people really cannot take a joke fucksake
February 10, 2026 at 11:46 AM
Kicked out of camp on Lord of the Flies island for filling the conch with birdshit, some people really cannot take a joke fucksake
Absolute worst thing that can happen to you as a Scottish or English person is going to your work on a Monday morning and hearing cunts talk about the superbowl
February 9, 2026 at 9:56 AM
Absolute worst thing that can happen to you as a Scottish or English person is going to your work on a Monday morning and hearing cunts talk about the superbowl
told my dad he was in the epstein files for a joke and he was like well I knew it would come out one day and pulled a packed bag out from under the shed. I'm like wait stop but he jumped on his bike and rode away fucksake man
February 4, 2026 at 6:17 PM
told my dad he was in the epstein files for a joke and he was like well I knew it would come out one day and pulled a packed bag out from under the shed. I'm like wait stop but he jumped on his bike and rode away fucksake man
new guy at the apothecary was acting all suspicious when I asked for hemlock. he's like umm excuuuse me isn't that a poison? Uh yeah obvs bitch these women aren't paying me to make their husbands a nice cup of tea are they ffs just hurry it up
February 4, 2026 at 5:00 PM
new guy at the apothecary was acting all suspicious when I asked for hemlock. he's like umm excuuuse me isn't that a poison? Uh yeah obvs bitch these women aren't paying me to make their husbands a nice cup of tea are they ffs just hurry it up
hi Jeff.rey here just wondrin if =ou guys are up for a li.ttle child trafikkiNG this weekend go ing snowboardin.g with StephHn Hawking if h.e can keeP it in his pan ts lol OK love you
February 4, 2026 at 4:57 PM
hi Jeff.rey here just wondrin if =ou guys are up for a li.ttle child trafikkiNG this weekend go ing snowboardin.g with StephHn Hawking if h.e can keeP it in his pan ts lol OK love you
fml man just realized I've been confusing the words Mormon and Mammon, really embarrassed myself in front of all these Satanist celebs, Tom Hanks was like no more adrenochrome for that man, fucksake this stinks
January 29, 2026 at 8:28 AM
fml man just realized I've been confusing the words Mormon and Mammon, really embarrassed myself in front of all these Satanist celebs, Tom Hanks was like no more adrenochrome for that man, fucksake this stinks
hi guys have you eaten with us before no ok let me explain how the menu works
January 29, 2026 at 8:20 AM
hi guys have you eaten with us before no ok let me explain how the menu works
*solemnly*
but I believe nigel truly is the leader we need and this is why, with a heavy heart and after many years as a true blue Conservative, I have decided to defecate
but I believe nigel truly is the leader we need and this is why, with a heavy heart and after many years as a true blue Conservative, I have decided to defecate
January 27, 2026 at 8:38 AM
*solemnly*
but I believe nigel truly is the leader we need and this is why, with a heavy heart and after many years as a true blue Conservative, I have decided to defecate
but I believe nigel truly is the leader we need and this is why, with a heavy heart and after many years as a true blue Conservative, I have decided to defecate
wish this angel on my shoulder would stfu, at least the daemon on the other side responds to threats
January 27, 2026 at 8:29 AM
wish this angel on my shoulder would stfu, at least the daemon on the other side responds to threats
Another time at Hogwarts Snape dropped a book in front of me and Nev. We managed to get it open and it turns out it's his diary . Nev writes PAEDO WANKER on every page and left it in his office. Guy was raging for about a week but he never said anything lmao
January 27, 2026 at 8:27 AM
Another time at Hogwarts Snape dropped a book in front of me and Nev. We managed to get it open and it turns out it's his diary . Nev writes PAEDO WANKER on every page and left it in his office. Guy was raging for about a week but he never said anything lmao
I pulled a thorn out of a lion's paw this week and now he won't leave me alone. Oh can you help me book a flight, can you help me make this payment I'm not very good on the internet. Fuck me no good deed goes unpunished
January 27, 2026 at 8:22 AM
I pulled a thorn out of a lion's paw this week and now he won't leave me alone. Oh can you help me book a flight, can you help me make this payment I'm not very good on the internet. Fuck me no good deed goes unpunished
Zuckerberg, watching a stoner comedy:
The humans, they find this funny?
Robot:
Yes sir, they find these hijinks most entertaining.
Zuckerberg, an hour after ingesting 200mg of pure THC:
Am I funny now, robot?
Robot:
I'm afraid not, sir
Zuckerberg:
I want to watch someone die
The humans, they find this funny?
Robot:
Yes sir, they find these hijinks most entertaining.
Zuckerberg, an hour after ingesting 200mg of pure THC:
Am I funny now, robot?
Robot:
I'm afraid not, sir
Zuckerberg:
I want to watch someone die
January 21, 2026 at 4:48 PM
Zuckerberg, watching a stoner comedy:
The humans, they find this funny?
Robot:
Yes sir, they find these hijinks most entertaining.
Zuckerberg, an hour after ingesting 200mg of pure THC:
Am I funny now, robot?
Robot:
I'm afraid not, sir
Zuckerberg:
I want to watch someone die
The humans, they find this funny?
Robot:
Yes sir, they find these hijinks most entertaining.
Zuckerberg, an hour after ingesting 200mg of pure THC:
Am I funny now, robot?
Robot:
I'm afraid not, sir
Zuckerberg:
I want to watch someone die
Stop vaping, ser
January 20, 2026 at 8:27 PM
Stop vaping, ser
WALT DISNEY
You can dream, create, design and build the most wonderful place in the world. But it requires people to make the dream a reality.
GLASGOW CITY COUNCIL
Alright burn that shite down and get it turned into student flats
You can dream, create, design and build the most wonderful place in the world. But it requires people to make the dream a reality.
GLASGOW CITY COUNCIL
Alright burn that shite down and get it turned into student flats
January 20, 2026 at 8:07 PM
WALT DISNEY
You can dream, create, design and build the most wonderful place in the world. But it requires people to make the dream a reality.
GLASGOW CITY COUNCIL
Alright burn that shite down and get it turned into student flats
You can dream, create, design and build the most wonderful place in the world. But it requires people to make the dream a reality.
GLASGOW CITY COUNCIL
Alright burn that shite down and get it turned into student flats
Coming into the office for that required one single day a week
January 20, 2026 at 9:29 AM
Coming into the office for that required one single day a week
Another night up on the City Walls. McGregor lost his pike and was looking all over the North Tower when 3 hedge witches tried to scale the walls. He's not got a weapon so he tipped the teapot out over them and chased them. Now the lads are all calling him Teabag
January 20, 2026 at 8:18 AM
Another night up on the City Walls. McGregor lost his pike and was looking all over the North Tower when 3 hedge witches tried to scale the walls. He's not got a weapon so he tipped the teapot out over them and chased them. Now the lads are all calling him Teabag
Keir Starmer
Look everyone we have a very nice and special relationship with the USA and especially President Trump, don't worry I have this under control
Trump
I just did a turd in my big boy golden toilet and I named it Keir, thank you for your attention to this matter
Look everyone we have a very nice and special relationship with the USA and especially President Trump, don't worry I have this under control
Trump
I just did a turd in my big boy golden toilet and I named it Keir, thank you for your attention to this matter
January 20, 2026 at 8:16 AM
Keir Starmer
Look everyone we have a very nice and special relationship with the USA and especially President Trump, don't worry I have this under control
Trump
I just did a turd in my big boy golden toilet and I named it Keir, thank you for your attention to this matter
Look everyone we have a very nice and special relationship with the USA and especially President Trump, don't worry I have this under control
Trump
I just did a turd in my big boy golden toilet and I named it Keir, thank you for your attention to this matter
All these English hoping that yanks will somehow see sense and get rid of Trump - now yous know how we feel hoping that the English will see sense and not vote for Farage. Welcome to Hopeless Club, friends
January 20, 2026 at 7:20 AM
All these English hoping that yanks will somehow see sense and get rid of Trump - now yous know how we feel hoping that the English will see sense and not vote for Farage. Welcome to Hopeless Club, friends
Paddington stops mid "hard stare"
What's happening? he mutters
Rat poison in your marmalade old boy, I laugh.
No more window cleaning shenanigans for you.
He slumps to the ground. Tell my Aunt..
I kick his body into the street. Tell her yourself, forest rat
What's happening? he mutters
Rat poison in your marmalade old boy, I laugh.
No more window cleaning shenanigans for you.
He slumps to the ground. Tell my Aunt..
I kick his body into the street. Tell her yourself, forest rat
January 19, 2026 at 2:28 PM
Paddington stops mid "hard stare"
What's happening? he mutters
Rat poison in your marmalade old boy, I laugh.
No more window cleaning shenanigans for you.
He slumps to the ground. Tell my Aunt..
I kick his body into the street. Tell her yourself, forest rat
What's happening? he mutters
Rat poison in your marmalade old boy, I laugh.
No more window cleaning shenanigans for you.
He slumps to the ground. Tell my Aunt..
I kick his body into the street. Tell her yourself, forest rat
Boss we're spending billions on these Hunger Games, Jonathan says that we just built a huge building complex to like, fill it with flowing tar or something?
If we just met everyone's needs we'd actually spend less money
Snow:
Hmm ok but what if we built giant robot chickens?
If we just met everyone's needs we'd actually spend less money
Snow:
Hmm ok but what if we built giant robot chickens?
January 19, 2026 at 8:54 AM
Boss we're spending billions on these Hunger Games, Jonathan says that we just built a huge building complex to like, fill it with flowing tar or something?
If we just met everyone's needs we'd actually spend less money
Snow:
Hmm ok but what if we built giant robot chickens?
If we just met everyone's needs we'd actually spend less money
Snow:
Hmm ok but what if we built giant robot chickens?
Paul
Ok so I was thinking I'd say something about making love with Cecilia in my room then when I leave someone else takes my place
Art
FFS this again?
Paul
She was my girl, man!
Art
She was no good for you! She was shaking your confidence daily
Paul
Hang on write that down
Ok so I was thinking I'd say something about making love with Cecilia in my room then when I leave someone else takes my place
Art
FFS this again?
Paul
She was my girl, man!
Art
She was no good for you! She was shaking your confidence daily
Paul
Hang on write that down
January 19, 2026 at 7:52 AM
Paul
Ok so I was thinking I'd say something about making love with Cecilia in my room then when I leave someone else takes my place
Art
FFS this again?
Paul
She was my girl, man!
Art
She was no good for you! She was shaking your confidence daily
Paul
Hang on write that down
Ok so I was thinking I'd say something about making love with Cecilia in my room then when I leave someone else takes my place
Art
FFS this again?
Paul
She was my girl, man!
Art
She was no good for you! She was shaking your confidence daily
Paul
Hang on write that down
So the unexploded bomb in my garden finally got removed but when they pulled it out, guy from the council said it was actually blocking a hellmouth and stopping Satan's Dark Minions from invading. Going to be another 4 weeks for the council to fill it in. Fucksake man
January 19, 2026 at 7:40 AM
So the unexploded bomb in my garden finally got removed but when they pulled it out, guy from the council said it was actually blocking a hellmouth and stopping Satan's Dark Minions from invading. Going to be another 4 weeks for the council to fill it in. Fucksake man
That month where everyone is watching Home Alone is pretty rough on the House Burgling Community, glad it's over now. Don't be afraid to reach out guys, it's ok to not be ok
January 18, 2026 at 8:03 PM
That month where everyone is watching Home Alone is pretty rough on the House Burgling Community, glad it's over now. Don't be afraid to reach out guys, it's ok to not be ok