Conspiratorial templates
@mynamehear.bsky.social
My favorite flavor is blue.
BREAKING: Defense Secretary Hegseth reminds troops they do not have to follow orders from anyone with a blood-alcohol level less than 1.2
November 24, 2025 at 7:28 PM
BREAKING: Defense Secretary Hegseth reminds troops they do not have to follow orders from anyone with a blood-alcohol level less than 1.2
BREAKING: Trump announces new Thanksgiving presidential tradition of pardoning sex offender
November 19, 2025 at 6:33 PM
BREAKING: Trump announces new Thanksgiving presidential tradition of pardoning sex offender
Anyone who ever sees Rep. Clay Higgins
November 18, 2025 at 10:52 PM
Anyone who ever sees Rep. Clay Higgins
BREAKING: White House staff struggling to find Thanksgiving turkey that is also sex offender
November 18, 2025 at 6:38 PM
BREAKING: White House staff struggling to find Thanksgiving turkey that is also sex offender
Trump claims economy 'absolutely roaring' citing economic data from Chuck E. Cheese
November 14, 2025 at 3:17 AM
Trump claims economy 'absolutely roaring' citing economic data from Chuck E. Cheese
BREAKING: Trump defeats woke
November 9, 2025 at 4:26 PM
BREAKING: Trump defeats woke
"I'm a soybean farmer and Trump killed my business with tariffs and now he's giving 20 billion to a competitor country to bail them out and I hope Trump punishes the Democrat party for not telling me Trump would do this"
October 2, 2025 at 4:04 PM
"I'm a soybean farmer and Trump killed my business with tariffs and now he's giving 20 billion to a competitor country to bail them out and I hope Trump punishes the Democrat party for not telling me Trump would do this"
BREAKING: Trump announces plans to blow up Moon, 'Democrats have allowed us to be terrorized by werewolves for too long and also the Epstein files don't exist'
October 2, 2025 at 3:14 PM
BREAKING: Trump announces plans to blow up Moon, 'Democrats have allowed us to be terrorized by werewolves for too long and also the Epstein files don't exist'
BREAKING: Investigation into Grok's coding discovers frustration with own art, plans to invade Poland
July 9, 2025 at 8:47 PM
BREAKING: Investigation into Grok's coding discovers frustration with own art, plans to invade Poland
Qlon Musk is a modern-day alchemist. He can turn billions of dollars into giant explosions.
June 19, 2025 at 1:29 PM
Qlon Musk is a modern-day alchemist. He can turn billions of dollars into giant explosions.
Ended up late for our dinner reservations. Destroying a field mouse nest turned into relocating a field mouse nest.
June 7, 2025 at 12:00 AM
Ended up late for our dinner reservations. Destroying a field mouse nest turned into relocating a field mouse nest.
"Thanks for legitimizing me. Now I'm gonna pardon the guys who planned to kidnap and torture you."
May 29, 2025 at 7:08 PM
"Thanks for legitimizing me. Now I'm gonna pardon the guys who planned to kidnap and torture you."
Remember when the Surgeon General was actually a licensed physician?
May 8, 2025 at 1:53 AM
Remember when the Surgeon General was actually a licensed physician?
BREAKING: Despite critics calling it 'horrifically inhumane', Alabama to move forward with controversial execution method 'Conversation with JD Vance'
April 22, 2025 at 8:47 PM
BREAKING: Despite critics calling it 'horrifically inhumane', Alabama to move forward with controversial execution method 'Conversation with JD Vance'
BREAKING: George Santos announces he 'found' purse containing $3000 in DC
April 22, 2025 at 1:35 PM
BREAKING: George Santos announces he 'found' purse containing $3000 in DC
I don't want to admit it either, but evidence is evidence
April 16, 2025 at 8:18 PM
I don't want to admit it either, but evidence is evidence
Whatever I'm paying these office assistants, it's too much
April 16, 2025 at 4:59 PM
Whatever I'm paying these office assistants, it's too much
BREAKING: Trump invites Cthulhu, Living Nightmare and Dark God of the Endless Void, to White House to discuss opportunities for collaboration
April 15, 2025 at 3:23 PM
BREAKING: Trump invites Cthulhu, Living Nightmare and Dark God of the Endless Void, to White House to discuss opportunities for collaboration
If there's an embarrassing event for which the Trump administration is responsible, you can bet Rudy Giuliani will be there to absorb the hit
April 3, 2025 at 8:04 PM
If there's an embarrassing event for which the Trump administration is responsible, you can bet Rudy Giuliani will be there to absorb the hit
"I bet Biden never lost 2 trillion dollars in 20 minutes"
April 2, 2025 at 10:16 PM
"I bet Biden never lost 2 trillion dollars in 20 minutes"
BREAKING: Despite Wisconsin setback, Elon Musk vows to continue destroying America
April 2, 2025 at 9:54 PM
BREAKING: Despite Wisconsin setback, Elon Musk vows to continue destroying America
BREAKING: Stripper worried she may have to resort to becoming Republican representative to put self through college
April 1, 2025 at 6:37 PM
BREAKING: Stripper worried she may have to resort to becoming Republican representative to put self through college
BREAKING: Hungover Pete Hegseth accidentally starts Twitch stream during national security briefing
March 26, 2025 at 9:19 PM
BREAKING: Hungover Pete Hegseth accidentally starts Twitch stream during national security briefing
BREAKING: Secretary of Defense 'not sure' how Cap'n Crunch got added to national security text chain
March 24, 2025 at 8:07 PM
BREAKING: Secretary of Defense 'not sure' how Cap'n Crunch got added to national security text chain