@mrlloydspandex.bsky.social
Had that dream where you’re cast as Mr Bean in the Mr Bean Play they air at halftime during football games. You know the one.
January 16, 2026 at 11:14 AM
Had that dream where you’re cast as Mr Bean in the Mr Bean Play they air at halftime during football games. You know the one.
Noticed boyfriend had put 2 fans next to each other on the bedside table.
Me: ‘what’s this?’
Bf: ‘I realised, if I use 2 fans at once, it’s like, double the fans!’
And I’ll probably still marry this guy at some point.
Me: ‘what’s this?’
Bf: ‘I realised, if I use 2 fans at once, it’s like, double the fans!’
And I’ll probably still marry this guy at some point.
January 15, 2026 at 5:23 PM
Noticed boyfriend had put 2 fans next to each other on the bedside table.
Me: ‘what’s this?’
Bf: ‘I realised, if I use 2 fans at once, it’s like, double the fans!’
And I’ll probably still marry this guy at some point.
Me: ‘what’s this?’
Bf: ‘I realised, if I use 2 fans at once, it’s like, double the fans!’
And I’ll probably still marry this guy at some point.
Hotels: this is a place for you to relax.
Also hotels: gonna bang on your door at 5am for your towels
Also hotels: gonna bang on your door at 5am for your towels
April 12, 2025 at 10:41 AM
Hotels: this is a place for you to relax.
Also hotels: gonna bang on your door at 5am for your towels
Also hotels: gonna bang on your door at 5am for your towels
I’ve somehow got this reputation that I only listen to songs about horses
February 19, 2025 at 8:36 PM
I’ve somehow got this reputation that I only listen to songs about horses
Having ADHD is like ‘urgh what was I doing before I was rudely interrupted by myself again..’
February 13, 2025 at 9:17 AM
Having ADHD is like ‘urgh what was I doing before I was rudely interrupted by myself again..’
Pandas have got it too easy.
January 27, 2025 at 8:33 AM
Pandas have got it too easy.
Been on hold to the doctors for 15 minutes. At the exact time they answered the phone my dog came over to me and I said ‘Oooh hello stinky bum’. 😐
January 23, 2025 at 2:56 PM
Been on hold to the doctors for 15 minutes. At the exact time they answered the phone my dog came over to me and I said ‘Oooh hello stinky bum’. 😐
Why have biscuit wrappers taken it upon themselves to do jokes too? Why is that a thing? Please just stick to the biscuits
January 20, 2025 at 12:29 PM
Why have biscuit wrappers taken it upon themselves to do jokes too? Why is that a thing? Please just stick to the biscuits
‘We are going to take back our country’. Why didn’t you do it first time around then?
January 20, 2025 at 6:04 AM
‘We are going to take back our country’. Why didn’t you do it first time around then?
My toxic trait? every time I’m mildly inconvenienced i book a holiday
January 10, 2025 at 8:09 PM
My toxic trait? every time I’m mildly inconvenienced i book a holiday
Mum just said ‘remeber when I was pregnant and someone kept siphoning my petrol?’. No Janice, I don’t remember, because I was a feotus..
January 3, 2025 at 6:01 PM
Mum just said ‘remeber when I was pregnant and someone kept siphoning my petrol?’. No Janice, I don’t remember, because I was a feotus..
Standing in Halfords next to the dude whilst he fits my battery. And it’s a bit dark and a cat ran at me really fast and I screamed.
But it’s not a cat, it was his shadow when he moved. Now I can’t explain why I screamed and I just look really mental
But it’s not a cat, it was his shadow when he moved. Now I can’t explain why I screamed and I just look really mental
January 3, 2025 at 5:28 PM
Standing in Halfords next to the dude whilst he fits my battery. And it’s a bit dark and a cat ran at me really fast and I screamed.
But it’s not a cat, it was his shadow when he moved. Now I can’t explain why I screamed and I just look really mental
But it’s not a cat, it was his shadow when he moved. Now I can’t explain why I screamed and I just look really mental
Anyone else think Jimmy Carter died in about 1998?
December 30, 2024 at 5:14 AM
Anyone else think Jimmy Carter died in about 1998?
Just quickly reminding you all that I still exist and you’re welcome
December 28, 2024 at 8:58 PM
Just quickly reminding you all that I still exist and you’re welcome
If every time you ate meat you gained all that animals memories, would it stop you eating meat or would you eat more meat for the animal lore?
December 28, 2024 at 8:57 PM
If every time you ate meat you gained all that animals memories, would it stop you eating meat or would you eat more meat for the animal lore?
People who post pictures of all their presents are weird right? We all agree surely?
December 25, 2024 at 7:45 PM
People who post pictures of all their presents are weird right? We all agree surely?
i can hear Mum in the other room doubled over laughing in pain, and I know she’ll just be watching a video of a dog in a hat or something
December 21, 2024 at 8:33 PM
i can hear Mum in the other room doubled over laughing in pain, and I know she’ll just be watching a video of a dog in a hat or something
This is what I send when people ask for nudes. Yeah, you like that anus?
December 21, 2024 at 8:03 AM
This is what I send when people ask for nudes. Yeah, you like that anus?
Listen here advent calendar, this isn’t a game. Give me my fuckin chocolate
December 13, 2024 at 9:04 AM
Listen here advent calendar, this isn’t a game. Give me my fuckin chocolate
This one time I got hit by a car but I was so embarrassed I sprinted away so fast
December 4, 2024 at 7:55 PM
This one time I got hit by a car but I was so embarrassed I sprinted away so fast
I’ve realised I have patience with dogs and not people. I also have bad road rage. I’ve started pretending everyone driving the cars are dogs, road rage gone immediately. 
December 3, 2024 at 2:24 PM
I’ve realised I have patience with dogs and not people. I also have bad road rage. I’ve started pretending everyone driving the cars are dogs, road rage gone immediately. 
The ‘I’m too cool for Fairytale of New York’ squad are out in the their droves again
December 2, 2024 at 9:59 AM
The ‘I’m too cool for Fairytale of New York’ squad are out in the their droves again
Raw dogged the gym. 1hr15 on the treadmill with no headphones. You fear me. I can taste it.
November 30, 2024 at 7:33 AM
Raw dogged the gym. 1hr15 on the treadmill with no headphones. You fear me. I can taste it.
Does anyone owe me money by any chance?
November 28, 2024 at 6:26 AM
Does anyone owe me money by any chance?
Told my friends about my harrowing dream last night where I crashed a train. Really traumatic. Fire everywhere. These are their responses
November 25, 2024 at 12:29 PM
Told my friends about my harrowing dream last night where I crashed a train. Really traumatic. Fire everywhere. These are their responses