Mr. John Tickles
@mrjohntickles.bsky.social
Mediocre man. Lavish delusions.
Newsletter every Wednesday morning ↙️
http://intickleswetrust.substack.com
Newsletter every Wednesday morning ↙️
http://intickleswetrust.substack.com
Pinned
In Tickles We Trust is a weekly #comedy newsletter (link in bio) authored by Mr. John Tickles, a well-meaning but wildly out-of-touch socialite.
It offers observations on the modern world ranging from “very good” to “pretty great,” depending on how much Champagne or kombucha he's had.
It offers observations on the modern world ranging from “very good” to “pretty great,” depending on how much Champagne or kombucha he's had.
These 10-hour work weeks (including five hours commuting as a passenger in a chauffeured Bugatti La Voiture Noire) are brutal.
I will announce here when I return (triumphantly), likely in 2026.
I will announce here when I return (triumphantly), likely in 2026.
December 11, 2025 at 7:35 PM
These 10-hour work weeks (including five hours commuting as a passenger in a chauffeured Bugatti La Voiture Noire) are brutal.
I will announce here when I return (triumphantly), likely in 2026.
I will announce here when I return (triumphantly), likely in 2026.
It’s a sad world we live in when a multi-millionaire must work part-time at one of Father’s several companies to supplement his trust funds.
I will return, ideally triumphantly, once this storm has passed.
You’re welcome.
- Mr. John Tickles
I will return, ideally triumphantly, once this storm has passed.
You’re welcome.
- Mr. John Tickles
December 8, 2025 at 3:03 PM
It’s a sad world we live in when a multi-millionaire must work part-time at one of Father’s several companies to supplement his trust funds.
I will return, ideally triumphantly, once this storm has passed.
You’re welcome.
- Mr. John Tickles
I will return, ideally triumphantly, once this storm has passed.
You’re welcome.
- Mr. John Tickles
Dear Reader,
I apologize, but I must once again refrain from posting this week. I’ve been forced to get a “job” and do “work” to support my “family.”
I apologize, but I must once again refrain from posting this week. I’ve been forced to get a “job” and do “work” to support my “family.”
December 8, 2025 at 3:02 PM
Dear Reader,
I apologize, but I must once again refrain from posting this week. I’ve been forced to get a “job” and do “work” to support my “family.”
I apologize, but I must once again refrain from posting this week. I’ve been forced to get a “job” and do “work” to support my “family.”
My apologies, Reader: I will be traveling to Midwest Furfest this week and cannot post.
My dachspug Steven has hives (maybe he’s allergic to extra-organic dog food?), so we’ll visit together to meet with experts and sort this out.
My dachspug Steven has hives (maybe he’s allergic to extra-organic dog food?), so we’ll visit together to meet with experts and sort this out.
December 1, 2025 at 3:04 PM
My apologies, Reader: I will be traveling to Midwest Furfest this week and cannot post.
My dachspug Steven has hives (maybe he’s allergic to extra-organic dog food?), so we’ll visit together to meet with experts and sort this out.
My dachspug Steven has hives (maybe he’s allergic to extra-organic dog food?), so we’ll visit together to meet with experts and sort this out.
Meditation: Inhale deeply through your nostrils, and exhale warm condescension toward those who do not meditate.
November 28, 2025 at 3:02 PM
Meditation: Inhale deeply through your nostrils, and exhale warm condescension toward those who do not meditate.
"'Why did you hire me to do this if you had no intent to participate?'
I plead the third.
'You invoke your right to prohibit the government from quartering soldiers in your home without your consent during peacetime?'
Homes plural, not home."
And more (link in bio).
I plead the third.
'You invoke your right to prohibit the government from quartering soldiers in your home without your consent during peacetime?'
Homes plural, not home."
And more (link in bio).
November 27, 2025 at 3:04 PM
"'Why did you hire me to do this if you had no intent to participate?'
I plead the third.
'You invoke your right to prohibit the government from quartering soldiers in your home without your consent during peacetime?'
Homes plural, not home."
And more (link in bio).
I plead the third.
'You invoke your right to prohibit the government from quartering soldiers in your home without your consent during peacetime?'
Homes plural, not home."
And more (link in bio).
Yeah, I Got an Attitude - of Gratitude.
I’m so grateful it hurts.
open.substack.com
November 26, 2025 at 3:15 PM
Reader, what are you most grateful for?
I’m most grateful for this to end.
I’m most grateful for this to end.
November 25, 2025 at 3:04 PM
Reader, what are you most grateful for?
I’m most grateful for this to end.
I’m most grateful for this to end.
What’s your favorite Thanksgiving food? Call me a traditionalist, but mine is a classic caviar-crusted and truffle-stuffed turkey.
November 24, 2025 at 3:02 PM
What’s your favorite Thanksgiving food? Call me a traditionalist, but mine is a classic caviar-crusted and truffle-stuffed turkey.
No, I will not stop yelling “Bop It!” taglines during intercourse.
November 23, 2025 at 2:08 PM
No, I will not stop yelling “Bop It!” taglines during intercourse.
Tap Shoes: The footwear of choice for upstairs neighbors at 3:17am on a Wednesday.
November 21, 2025 at 3:03 PM
Tap Shoes: The footwear of choice for upstairs neighbors at 3:17am on a Wednesday.
What’s your favorite dance?
Mine is the waltz, despite its working-class 3/4 time signature.
Mine is the waltz, despite its working-class 3/4 time signature.
November 20, 2025 at 3:04 PM
What’s your favorite dance?
Mine is the waltz, despite its working-class 3/4 time signature.
Mine is the waltz, despite its working-class 3/4 time signature.
Dance, Baby, Dance!
Kick off your luxurious Sunday loafers.
open.substack.com
November 19, 2025 at 3:15 PM
"Sure, everyone loves 'Cotton Eye Joe,' but have we forgotten about 'Linen Mouth Steve'?"
More, including ultimate dance rankings, in tomorrow’s post (link in bio).
More, including ultimate dance rankings, in tomorrow’s post (link in bio).
November 18, 2025 at 3:02 PM
"Sure, everyone loves 'Cotton Eye Joe,' but have we forgotten about 'Linen Mouth Steve'?"
More, including ultimate dance rankings, in tomorrow’s post (link in bio).
More, including ultimate dance rankings, in tomorrow’s post (link in bio).
I sure do love a good two step! One step is not enough, and three steps is surely too far.
November 17, 2025 at 3:02 PM
I sure do love a good two step! One step is not enough, and three steps is surely too far.
Dearest Reader: I am caught up this week overseeing renovations of my estate in Wyoming (I'm adding a 31st bedroom to provide my dachspug Steven with a sitting area).
However, I will return (very triumphantly) next week.
However, I will return (very triumphantly) next week.
November 10, 2025 at 3:59 PM
Dearest Reader: I am caught up this week overseeing renovations of my estate in Wyoming (I'm adding a 31st bedroom to provide my dachspug Steven with a sitting area).
However, I will return (very triumphantly) next week.
However, I will return (very triumphantly) next week.
What are you most thankful for, Reader? Here's my list:
1) Wealth (inherited)
2) You, dear Reader
3) Mother (pre-night terrors)
4) All my estates except for my 30-bedroom, one-bathroom estate in Wyoming
5) My wife Mrs. Eliza Beth Tickles (age unknown). I ask that you please leave her out of this.
1) Wealth (inherited)
2) You, dear Reader
3) Mother (pre-night terrors)
4) All my estates except for my 30-bedroom, one-bathroom estate in Wyoming
5) My wife Mrs. Eliza Beth Tickles (age unknown). I ask that you please leave her out of this.
November 7, 2025 at 3:02 PM
What are you most thankful for, Reader? Here's my list:
1) Wealth (inherited)
2) You, dear Reader
3) Mother (pre-night terrors)
4) All my estates except for my 30-bedroom, one-bathroom estate in Wyoming
5) My wife Mrs. Eliza Beth Tickles (age unknown). I ask that you please leave her out of this.
1) Wealth (inherited)
2) You, dear Reader
3) Mother (pre-night terrors)
4) All my estates except for my 30-bedroom, one-bathroom estate in Wyoming
5) My wife Mrs. Eliza Beth Tickles (age unknown). I ask that you please leave her out of this.
Dr. Dre, this is a warning: If you don’t trademark and open a farm-to-table root vegetable company called “Beets by Dre,” I will.
November 6, 2025 at 3:03 PM
Dr. Dre, this is a warning: If you don’t trademark and open a farm-to-table root vegetable company called “Beets by Dre,” I will.
November 5, 2025 at 3:15 PM
Happy belated birthday from me and @duolingo, @21savage
November 5, 2025 at 12:53 PM
Happy belated birthday from me and @duolingo, @21savage
"A 'Thanksgiving,' in the classic sense, is when you hold a three-day feast to convince the Wampanoag tribe that you’re pretty swell and totally not a threat."
More in tomorrow's post (link in bio).
More in tomorrow's post (link in bio).
November 4, 2025 at 3:02 PM
"A 'Thanksgiving,' in the classic sense, is when you hold a three-day feast to convince the Wampanoag tribe that you’re pretty swell and totally not a threat."
More in tomorrow's post (link in bio).
More in tomorrow's post (link in bio).
You may be asking yourself, “Mr. John Tickles, where did the word ‘Thanksgiving’ come from?” Well, my dear Reader, I’d say, “Please don’t ask such stupid questions."
November 3, 2025 at 3:04 PM
You may be asking yourself, “Mr. John Tickles, where did the word ‘Thanksgiving’ come from?” Well, my dear Reader, I’d say, “Please don’t ask such stupid questions."
Dear Reader,
Due to my incredibly expensive yet relatable billionaire travel plans, I’m unable to write this week’s post. However, I’ll return next week equally refreshed as before, considering my life wasn’t too stressful to begin with.
I remain,
Mr. John Tickles
Due to my incredibly expensive yet relatable billionaire travel plans, I’m unable to write this week’s post. However, I’ll return next week equally refreshed as before, considering my life wasn’t too stressful to begin with.
I remain,
Mr. John Tickles
October 27, 2025 at 2:02 PM
Dear Reader,
Due to my incredibly expensive yet relatable billionaire travel plans, I’m unable to write this week’s post. However, I’ll return next week equally refreshed as before, considering my life wasn’t too stressful to begin with.
I remain,
Mr. John Tickles
Due to my incredibly expensive yet relatable billionaire travel plans, I’m unable to write this week’s post. However, I’ll return next week equally refreshed as before, considering my life wasn’t too stressful to begin with.
I remain,
Mr. John Tickles
As only 90% of the population, we right-handed people have to stick together. Lest the lefties and those sneaky ambidextries team up.
October 24, 2025 at 2:05 PM
As only 90% of the population, we right-handed people have to stick together. Lest the lefties and those sneaky ambidextries team up.
Official ranking, in order, of best "Johns" with whom to be mistaken:
John Malkovich
John Lithgow
John Oliver (post-Daily Show)
John Oliver (pre- and mid-Daily Show)
Johnny Bravo
Little John, of the Merry Men
John Wick
John Wack
John Malkovich
John Lithgow
John Oliver (post-Daily Show)
John Oliver (pre- and mid-Daily Show)
Johnny Bravo
Little John, of the Merry Men
John Wick
John Wack
October 23, 2025 at 2:04 PM
Official ranking, in order, of best "Johns" with whom to be mistaken:
John Malkovich
John Lithgow
John Oliver (post-Daily Show)
John Oliver (pre- and mid-Daily Show)
Johnny Bravo
Little John, of the Merry Men
John Wick
John Wack
John Malkovich
John Lithgow
John Oliver (post-Daily Show)
John Oliver (pre- and mid-Daily Show)
Johnny Bravo
Little John, of the Merry Men
John Wick
John Wack