“Yeah, at first when Trump heard it dipped into the teens, he was like, ‘What Epstein file did they release now?’” — JIMMY FALLON

“It was the kind of weather today that makes you wish you were someplace tropical, like on a boat in the Caribbean, but not near Venezuela.” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“Remember when Elon came in and chainsawed all the air traffic controllers? How about we hire some more of those instead of the playgrounds? Then maybe we won’t need Pilates outside Chili’s To-Go.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“They also want playgrounds for kids and more recreation areas for layovers, which yeah, OK, that’s one idea. Or, and hear me out, maybe just try to have the planes leave on time so we don’t need to come up with fun ways to hang out at the airport all day.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

Travel would be far more family friendly if Duffy hadn’t scuttled Pete Buttigieg’s airfare refund policies.

Thank you @merriam-webster.com for teaching us all.😉

“He’s been boasting about hosting, saying we’ve never had a president host the Kennedy Center Honors before, which, yeah, why do you think that is? We’ve also never had Neil Patrick Harris order a military strike on a fishing boat before.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“Oh, my god, he won the prize specifically created to appease him — the FIFA Appease Prize.” — JON STEWART

“Trump said he rejected honorees who were ‘too woke.’ Then he slept through all the acceptance speeches.” — JIMMY FALLON“

“So they did something — you could call it genius and you might be right. They tapped into his disappointment from not winning the Nobel Peace Prize and created their own peace prize, the FIFA Peace Prize, which is like if NASCAR started handing out Peabody awards. It means nothing.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

Reference JFK Honors: ..."He never wanted to be president. He just wants to wear a tux & walk red carpets. If someone would just lay down a circular red carpet somewhere, we would never hear from him again.” — SETH MEYERS