Mil Millington
@milmillington.bsky.social
Chap.
If you wanted to buy any of my novels from some sort of book-selling place, then, OK, I wouldn't try to stop you. But I'm not going to give you links to them. It would be unseemly.
If you wanted to buy any of my novels from some sort of book-selling place, then, OK, I wouldn't try to stop you. But I'm not going to give you links to them. It would be unseemly.
3/I picture them just nodding, like I've said enough - maybe too much.
I'm brought back to toothpaste and the present by the sound of the front door slamming downstairs announcing that she's left, with those knickers on now, probably.
Maybe I'm prone to overthinking while I'm in the bathroom.
Maybe.
I'm brought back to toothpaste and the present by the sound of the front door slamming downstairs announcing that she's left, with those knickers on now, probably.
Maybe I'm prone to overthinking while I'm in the bathroom.
Maybe.
November 25, 2025 at 11:27 AM
3/I picture them just nodding, like I've said enough - maybe too much.
I'm brought back to toothpaste and the present by the sound of the front door slamming downstairs announcing that she's left, with those knickers on now, probably.
Maybe I'm prone to overthinking while I'm in the bathroom.
Maybe.
I'm brought back to toothpaste and the present by the sound of the front door slamming downstairs announcing that she's left, with those knickers on now, probably.
Maybe I'm prone to overthinking while I'm in the bathroom.
Maybe.
2/'Then I'll come back.'
So...Um... So (before - for some reason - reconsidering mid-jamb) she *wasn't going to come back*? That would be it?
I picture friends asking, 'What happened, Mil? After all these years?' And me picking at my fingernails as I reply, 'She went to pilates.'
After which, oddly,
So...Um... So (before - for some reason - reconsidering mid-jamb) she *wasn't going to come back*? That would be it?
I picture friends asking, 'What happened, Mil? After all these years?' And me picking at my fingernails as I reply, 'She went to pilates.'
After which, oddly,
November 25, 2025 at 11:27 AM
2/'Then I'll come back.'
So...Um... So (before - for some reason - reconsidering mid-jamb) she *wasn't going to come back*? That would be it?
I picture friends asking, 'What happened, Mil? After all these years?' And me picking at my fingernails as I reply, 'She went to pilates.'
After which, oddly,
So...Um... So (before - for some reason - reconsidering mid-jamb) she *wasn't going to come back*? That would be it?
I picture friends asking, 'What happened, Mil? After all these years?' And me picking at my fingernails as I reply, 'She went to pilates.'
After which, oddly,
1/I'm brushing my teeth in the bathroom and my girlfriend, in a hurry but otherwise naked, sails in and says, 'I'm going to a pilates class at the community centre.'
She dances into a bra as she's heading back out, but, knickers in hand, pauses for a moment in the doorway. She turns to me, and adds,
She dances into a bra as she's heading back out, but, knickers in hand, pauses for a moment in the doorway. She turns to me, and adds,
November 25, 2025 at 11:26 AM
1/I'm brushing my teeth in the bathroom and my girlfriend, in a hurry but otherwise naked, sails in and says, 'I'm going to a pilates class at the community centre.'
She dances into a bra as she's heading back out, but, knickers in hand, pauses for a moment in the doorway. She turns to me, and adds,
She dances into a bra as she's heading back out, but, knickers in hand, pauses for a moment in the doorway. She turns to me, and adds,
You will recall with contempt and revulsion my announcing, last year, the 120+ Xmas presents I would be getting for my girlfriend (thingsmygirlfriendandihavearguedabout.com/xmas_presents). I won't do that again this year, to preserve her special sense of disappointment on Christmas morning.
List of Christmas Presents
List of Christmas Presents
thingsmygirlfriendandihavearguedabout.com
November 19, 2025 at 11:30 AM
You will recall with contempt and revulsion my announcing, last year, the 120+ Xmas presents I would be getting for my girlfriend (thingsmygirlfriendandihavearguedabout.com/xmas_presents). I won't do that again this year, to preserve her special sense of disappointment on Christmas morning.
A year. On the 18/11/24 it occurred to me that posting something every day for a year (avoiding politics, reposts, and the words 'sinecure', 'allopatric' and 'zinc') would be precisely the sort of tiny, pointless, self-inflicted, OCD exercise I can't not do. I was correct.
Now I can post 'Whenever'.
Now I can post 'Whenever'.
November 18, 2025 at 11:30 AM
A year. On the 18/11/24 it occurred to me that posting something every day for a year (avoiding politics, reposts, and the words 'sinecure', 'allopatric' and 'zinc') would be precisely the sort of tiny, pointless, self-inflicted, OCD exercise I can't not do. I was correct.
Now I can post 'Whenever'.
Now I can post 'Whenever'.
The scales in my bathroom said that my metabolic age is four years younger than my chronological age.
The mirror in my bathroom said that I should change the battery in my scales.
The mirror in my bathroom said that I should change the battery in my scales.
November 17, 2025 at 11:30 AM
The scales in my bathroom said that my metabolic age is four years younger than my chronological age.
The mirror in my bathroom said that I should change the battery in my scales.
The mirror in my bathroom said that I should change the battery in my scales.
I’m wondering if it’s possible to get a piezoelectric electric car. So that every time my girlfriend runs into something it charges the battery.
November 16, 2025 at 11:30 AM
I’m wondering if it’s possible to get a piezoelectric electric car. So that every time my girlfriend runs into something it charges the battery.
The pause between the train pulling up at the station and when the light indicates you can open the door cannot be measured in time but only in the rise of fear within a human mind. The person who can wait it out fully without stabbing the unlit button with a panicking thumb has nerves of ice.
November 15, 2025 at 11:30 AM
The pause between the train pulling up at the station and when the light indicates you can open the door cannot be measured in time but only in the rise of fear within a human mind. The person who can wait it out fully without stabbing the unlit button with a panicking thumb has nerves of ice.
I woke up this morning with a strip of black gaffer tape stuck to the back of my ear. I did not (Why? Why would you think that?) get into bed last night with a strip of black gaffer tape stuck to the back of my ear. After a time I figured out how this happened, but it was an interesting few minutes.
November 14, 2025 at 11:30 AM
I woke up this morning with a strip of black gaffer tape stuck to the back of my ear. I did not (Why? Why would you think that?) get into bed last night with a strip of black gaffer tape stuck to the back of my ear. After a time I figured out how this happened, but it was an interesting few minutes.
I was a bit concerned a couple of days ago when I realised that - hold on - no bit of me is hurting. Fortunately, I finished today's run and that situation's now sorted itself out.
November 13, 2025 at 11:30 AM
I was a bit concerned a couple of days ago when I realised that - hold on - no bit of me is hurting. Fortunately, I finished today's run and that situation's now sorted itself out.
If A.I. experts do ever solve the alignment problem, I have a girlfriend I want to talk to them about.
November 12, 2025 at 11:30 AM
If A.I. experts do ever solve the alignment problem, I have a girlfriend I want to talk to them about.
I spend a vast amount of my time being massively consumed by and anxious over huge, international situations I can't do anything about. Thankfully, I have that time spare - as luckily I'm massively indolent and uninterested in those things in my immediate vicinity that I *could* do something about.
November 11, 2025 at 11:30 AM
I spend a vast amount of my time being massively consumed by and anxious over huge, international situations I can't do anything about. Thankfully, I have that time spare - as luckily I'm massively indolent and uninterested in those things in my immediate vicinity that I *could* do something about.
My girlfriend is binge-watching The Celebrity Traitors. My reading is she really enjoys being suspicious of everyone. I mean, everyone: not just the Traitors, but the Faithful, Claudia Winkleman, me, anyone who passes our house while she's watching it, and - as you're reading this - definitely you.
November 10, 2025 at 11:30 AM
My girlfriend is binge-watching The Celebrity Traitors. My reading is she really enjoys being suspicious of everyone. I mean, everyone: not just the Traitors, but the Faithful, Claudia Winkleman, me, anyone who passes our house while she's watching it, and - as you're reading this - definitely you.
Most of my earphones beep to confirm Bluetooth. But my running earphones have this slightly creepy confirmation; like there's a somewhat sinister, 'And we both know what *that* means...' subtext.
I rather approve of this sort of thing. Trains and lifts should use Vincent Price and The Hooded Claw.
I rather approve of this sort of thing. Trains and lifts should use Vincent Price and The Hooded Claw.
November 9, 2025 at 11:30 AM
Most of my earphones beep to confirm Bluetooth. But my running earphones have this slightly creepy confirmation; like there's a somewhat sinister, 'And we both know what *that* means...' subtext.
I rather approve of this sort of thing. Trains and lifts should use Vincent Price and The Hooded Claw.
I rather approve of this sort of thing. Trains and lifts should use Vincent Price and The Hooded Claw.
I bought a kettle of fish. But - tch - it's not *at all* like the other one I have.
November 8, 2025 at 11:30 AM
I bought a kettle of fish. But - tch - it's not *at all* like the other one I have.
The more advanced tech is, the more justified I feel hating it. When the Spectrum (look it up, kids) - after the rolling migraine stripes and the squealing cassette player (look it up, kids) - said, 'R Tape Loading Error', I was angry. But when Alexa replies badly I'm furious, and it's *personal*.
November 7, 2025 at 11:30 AM
The more advanced tech is, the more justified I feel hating it. When the Spectrum (look it up, kids) - after the rolling migraine stripes and the squealing cassette player (look it up, kids) - said, 'R Tape Loading Error', I was angry. But when Alexa replies badly I'm furious, and it's *personal*.
It was a 'Beaver Moon' last night. This didn't look how I'd imagined it might. I suppose that's for the best, as it's technically quite difficult to require age verification to view the sky.
November 6, 2025 at 11:30 AM
It was a 'Beaver Moon' last night. This didn't look how I'd imagined it might. I suppose that's for the best, as it's technically quite difficult to require age verification to view the sky.
Watch, if you can bear it (it isn't the whole process: that would be actionably traumatic). I copied files from an old DVD today. Things might move 'too fast' nowadays, but I could not go back to when things were this *excruciating slow* - watching the progress bar you can feel the universe cooling.
November 5, 2025 at 11:30 AM
Watch, if you can bear it (it isn't the whole process: that would be actionably traumatic). I copied files from an old DVD today. Things might move 'too fast' nowadays, but I could not go back to when things were this *excruciating slow* - watching the progress bar you can feel the universe cooling.
(Character sketch. 'Show, don't tell.')
Scene: My girlfriend sits in the passenger seat with a (2001 edition) paper road map open on her lap. Index finger tracing explorative lines over the pages and jaw set firm, she uses this to dispute the SatNav for the entire journey from Sheffield to Whitby.
Scene: My girlfriend sits in the passenger seat with a (2001 edition) paper road map open on her lap. Index finger tracing explorative lines over the pages and jaw set firm, she uses this to dispute the SatNav for the entire journey from Sheffield to Whitby.
November 4, 2025 at 11:30 AM
(Character sketch. 'Show, don't tell.')
Scene: My girlfriend sits in the passenger seat with a (2001 edition) paper road map open on her lap. Index finger tracing explorative lines over the pages and jaw set firm, she uses this to dispute the SatNav for the entire journey from Sheffield to Whitby.
Scene: My girlfriend sits in the passenger seat with a (2001 edition) paper road map open on her lap. Index finger tracing explorative lines over the pages and jaw set firm, she uses this to dispute the SatNav for the entire journey from Sheffield to Whitby.
If, when you see this shop, your brain doesn't immediately spooner it into 'Kock Ring', then you're a better person than I am. I hope that makes you happy.
November 3, 2025 at 11:45 AM
If, when you see this shop, your brain doesn't immediately spooner it into 'Kock Ring', then you're a better person than I am. I hope that makes you happy.
I acknowledge that, had we not taken a photograph of us by the famous yard, Whitby itself would have found it unacceptable.
November 2, 2025 at 11:30 AM
I acknowledge that, had we not taken a photograph of us by the famous yard, Whitby itself would have found it unacceptable.
Festival Top Tip Number 2.
If you'd like (and who wouldn't?) the mad woman standing by the Abbey in the sweeping night rain at the Whitby Goth Festival to end up back in your room later... then always have that mad woman in the car with you when you drove up that morning.
If you'd like (and who wouldn't?) the mad woman standing by the Abbey in the sweeping night rain at the Whitby Goth Festival to end up back in your room later... then always have that mad woman in the car with you when you drove up that morning.
November 1, 2025 at 11:15 AM
Festival Top Tip Number 2.
If you'd like (and who wouldn't?) the mad woman standing by the Abbey in the sweeping night rain at the Whitby Goth Festival to end up back in your room later... then always have that mad woman in the car with you when you drove up that morning.
If you'd like (and who wouldn't?) the mad woman standing by the Abbey in the sweeping night rain at the Whitby Goth Festival to end up back in your room later... then always have that mad woman in the car with you when you drove up that morning.
In Whitby for the Goth Festival. If you fancy going this weekend, let me give you a serious piece of advice, something I learned the first time we went: dress up. Honestly, if you aren't you will feel *so* self-conscious and awkward.
Go dressed normally and you'll end up panic-buying a frock coat.
Go dressed normally and you'll end up panic-buying a frock coat.
October 31, 2025 at 11:30 AM
In Whitby for the Goth Festival. If you fancy going this weekend, let me give you a serious piece of advice, something I learned the first time we went: dress up. Honestly, if you aren't you will feel *so* self-conscious and awkward.
Go dressed normally and you'll end up panic-buying a frock coat.
Go dressed normally and you'll end up panic-buying a frock coat.
"Did you just go to the toilet?"
"Yes."
"That was quick."
"I've been practising."
All these conversational moments in our house will be lost in time, like tears in rain. [Mil lets loose a dove.] [Possibly a pigeon.]
"Yes."
"That was quick."
"I've been practising."
All these conversational moments in our house will be lost in time, like tears in rain. [Mil lets loose a dove.] [Possibly a pigeon.]
October 30, 2025 at 11:30 AM
"Did you just go to the toilet?"
"Yes."
"That was quick."
"I've been practising."
All these conversational moments in our house will be lost in time, like tears in rain. [Mil lets loose a dove.] [Possibly a pigeon.]
"Yes."
"That was quick."
"I've been practising."
All these conversational moments in our house will be lost in time, like tears in rain. [Mil lets loose a dove.] [Possibly a pigeon.]
The AC adaptor on my laptop broke. No power. So, I decided to take a few days being completely computer-free until I get a replacement.
No. Obviously I didn't. Until I get a replacement, I'll carry on using it; having got it working again using a kitchen knife, a hammer, and green electrical tape.
No. Obviously I didn't. Until I get a replacement, I'll carry on using it; having got it working again using a kitchen knife, a hammer, and green electrical tape.
October 29, 2025 at 11:30 AM
The AC adaptor on my laptop broke. No power. So, I decided to take a few days being completely computer-free until I get a replacement.
No. Obviously I didn't. Until I get a replacement, I'll carry on using it; having got it working again using a kitchen knife, a hammer, and green electrical tape.
No. Obviously I didn't. Until I get a replacement, I'll carry on using it; having got it working again using a kitchen knife, a hammer, and green electrical tape.