Maxwell Faulk
@maxwellfaulk.bsky.social
I love books, making people laugh, and Super Nintendo. I refuse to believe that a better world is not possible.
"In his obituary, there was an unprecedented use of the word 'ratchet.'"
February 2, 2026 at 8:45 AM
"In his obituary, there was an unprecedented use of the word 'ratchet.'"
It would be nice if the ultra wealthy weren't exclusively the worst people alive, but I know it's not a coincidence that that Venn diagram is a circle. Good human beings couldn't stomach such wealth hoarding while people go hungry. Maybe they didn't all start out as depraved sociopaths...
February 2, 2026 at 4:06 AM
It would be nice if the ultra wealthy weren't exclusively the worst people alive, but I know it's not a coincidence that that Venn diagram is a circle. Good human beings couldn't stomach such wealth hoarding while people go hungry. Maybe they didn't all start out as depraved sociopaths...
*Me, in my slut era*
"I would hold her hand in the grocery store."
"I would hold her hand in the grocery store."
February 1, 2026 at 8:46 AM
*Me, in my slut era*
"I would hold her hand in the grocery store."
"I would hold her hand in the grocery store."
*Me, in my slut era*
"I'd really like to give that person a hug."
"I'd really like to give that person a hug."
February 1, 2026 at 8:43 AM
*Me, in my slut era*
"I'd really like to give that person a hug."
"I'd really like to give that person a hug."
Over the past century, the Second Amendment has only meant two things:
•The right to *sell* arms
•And the right for white people to buy them
Politicians defend the right of capital accumulation and the right of chickenshit crackers to arm themselves to the teeth.
Anything else is a death sentence.
•The right to *sell* arms
•And the right for white people to buy them
Politicians defend the right of capital accumulation and the right of chickenshit crackers to arm themselves to the teeth.
Anything else is a death sentence.
January 27, 2026 at 2:30 PM
Over the past century, the Second Amendment has only meant two things:
•The right to *sell* arms
•And the right for white people to buy them
Politicians defend the right of capital accumulation and the right of chickenshit crackers to arm themselves to the teeth.
Anything else is a death sentence.
•The right to *sell* arms
•And the right for white people to buy them
Politicians defend the right of capital accumulation and the right of chickenshit crackers to arm themselves to the teeth.
Anything else is a death sentence.
Another day started with a gang murder captured from multiple angles. Another adrenaline spike before I've checked my email. We're lab rats being drip-fed existential threats amid Temu ads. How has this become life?
January 25, 2026 at 12:05 AM
Another day started with a gang murder captured from multiple angles. Another adrenaline spike before I've checked my email. We're lab rats being drip-fed existential threats amid Temu ads. How has this become life?
There was an elegant simplicity to the "life or level" trade-off system we used for single-player games during the 16 bit era. I don't ever remember someone telling me about it, but it seemed like every kid intrinsically knew it.
January 18, 2026 at 9:43 AM
There was an elegant simplicity to the "life or level" trade-off system we used for single-player games during the 16 bit era. I don't ever remember someone telling me about it, but it seemed like every kid intrinsically knew it.
The sun doesn't seem to rise anymore. We peer through the plastic window made of rare earth and see only a dark and starless night. It's so inky black; my morning coffee. The incessant churn within the intestinal tract of Moloch is deafening and I can no longer hear my neighbor's cries for help.
January 8, 2026 at 3:07 AM
The sun doesn't seem to rise anymore. We peer through the plastic window made of rare earth and see only a dark and starless night. It's so inky black; my morning coffee. The incessant churn within the intestinal tract of Moloch is deafening and I can no longer hear my neighbor's cries for help.
Millennials have been labeled as "ungrateful" by older generations. We carry the knowledge that ours were the first parents to steal actual years of life expectancy from their own children. Either by greed, belligerence, or apathy, we've yet to be able to even begin fixing this most benevolent gift.
December 28, 2025 at 6:35 AM
Millennials have been labeled as "ungrateful" by older generations. We carry the knowledge that ours were the first parents to steal actual years of life expectancy from their own children. Either by greed, belligerence, or apathy, we've yet to be able to even begin fixing this most benevolent gift.
My toxic trait is buying the cheapest version of a thing that exists on Earth and still managing to be shocked by the shoddy construction.
December 27, 2025 at 4:29 AM
My toxic trait is buying the cheapest version of a thing that exists on Earth and still managing to be shocked by the shoddy construction.
RFK Jr. didn't have Bill Nye the Science Guy growing up and it shows.
December 23, 2025 at 4:28 AM
RFK Jr. didn't have Bill Nye the Science Guy growing up and it shows.
Kinda wish everything wasn't Virtual Crystal Meth Slot Machine™️ brought to you by FanDuel and AIPAC or whatever.
December 7, 2025 at 4:13 AM
Kinda wish everything wasn't Virtual Crystal Meth Slot Machine™️ brought to you by FanDuel and AIPAC or whatever.
No, it's because you shrank your audience down to only the most aggressively-liberal, Zionist, white, pothead Boomers without any real sense what's funny. You and Dennis Miller can run free at a farm upstate where comedians go when their material doesn't work past 1998.
November 18, 2025 at 1:46 AM
No, it's because you shrank your audience down to only the most aggressively-liberal, Zionist, white, pothead Boomers without any real sense what's funny. You and Dennis Miller can run free at a farm upstate where comedians go when their material doesn't work past 1998.
So I went to The Bins today. It's a Portland thing to do. If you've never been, it's like shopping at a regular Goodwill but without all the prestige.
October 21, 2025 at 2:33 AM
So I went to The Bins today. It's a Portland thing to do. If you've never been, it's like shopping at a regular Goodwill but without all the prestige.
*contacting someone on Facebook Marketplace*
"Hey, do you guys have any of that dirty garbage left?"
"Hey, do you guys have any of that dirty garbage left?"
October 18, 2025 at 9:55 PM
*contacting someone on Facebook Marketplace*
"Hey, do you guys have any of that dirty garbage left?"
"Hey, do you guys have any of that dirty garbage left?"
Ya know, for all the guff avocados get about going bad, at least when they do it doesn't smell like somebody took a shit in your fridge. Looking at you, BROCCOLI. 😒
October 4, 2025 at 12:35 AM
Ya know, for all the guff avocados get about going bad, at least when they do it doesn't smell like somebody took a shit in your fridge. Looking at you, BROCCOLI. 😒
Boeing is a perfect metaphor for the United States. Trading on their former glory, Boeing's been gutted and sabotaged from within by capitalists over several decades. What's left is the husk of a corrupt, global embarrassment that kills people for money.
October 3, 2025 at 5:36 AM
Boeing is a perfect metaphor for the United States. Trading on their former glory, Boeing's been gutted and sabotaged from within by capitalists over several decades. What's left is the husk of a corrupt, global embarrassment that kills people for money.
Ohio is the Missouri of Ohios.
September 26, 2025 at 10:35 PM
Ohio is the Missouri of Ohios.
It's never tragic when chickens come home to roost. My only regret is that Charlie had but one neck.
September 23, 2025 at 3:14 AM
It's never tragic when chickens come home to roost. My only regret is that Charlie had but one neck.
Capitalism: Do literal damage to your grandchildren's DNA with this ultra-processed bastardization we've been marketing as food for 113 years.
Me: Hey, Oreo has a new flavor.
Me: Hey, Oreo has a new flavor.
August 28, 2025 at 2:47 AM
Capitalism: Do literal damage to your grandchildren's DNA with this ultra-processed bastardization we've been marketing as food for 113 years.
Me: Hey, Oreo has a new flavor.
Me: Hey, Oreo has a new flavor.
Taylor Swift has become the Hobby Lobby of musicians and no I will not elaborate.
August 27, 2025 at 12:31 AM
Taylor Swift has become the Hobby Lobby of musicians and no I will not elaborate.
Imagine being a college president drafted into The Culture War™️ and intentionally making your institution more appealing to stupid bigots. What a silly existence this is shaping up to be.
August 18, 2025 at 11:37 PM
Imagine being a college president drafted into The Culture War™️ and intentionally making your institution more appealing to stupid bigots. What a silly existence this is shaping up to be.
