Han L.P.
@matineemonsters.bsky.social
They/them | GAYYYYY | Gardening, useless trivia, going on adventures—honestly tho it's mostly gonna be pictures of Mochi
Reposted by Han L.P.
Minimizing the window where I read about how our world is a joke and we're at the mercy of megalomaniacal evil perverts. Logging on to the work zoom. "Heyyyy I'm good! How are you?"
February 4, 2026 at 2:14 AM
Minimizing the window where I read about how our world is a joke and we're at the mercy of megalomaniacal evil perverts. Logging on to the work zoom. "Heyyyy I'm good! How are you?"
No matter where I go I am perpetually surrounded by magic the gathering players
January 16, 2026 at 8:47 PM
No matter where I go I am perpetually surrounded by magic the gathering players
People don't go to hockey games to hear you bitch about your babysitter and who in your friend group is getting divorced. Shut your obnoxious ass up
January 10, 2026 at 5:42 AM
People don't go to hockey games to hear you bitch about your babysitter and who in your friend group is getting divorced. Shut your obnoxious ass up
Hazard of being in tune with the musical zeitgeist back in 2013: occasionally I get Macklemore's hit song Thrift Shop stuck in my head all day, and never at an appropriate time for it.
January 8, 2026 at 3:02 PM
Hazard of being in tune with the musical zeitgeist back in 2013: occasionally I get Macklemore's hit song Thrift Shop stuck in my head all day, and never at an appropriate time for it.
The cat woke me up at a quarter past 4 in the morning by standing on my neck and crushing my trachea because she wanted to snuggle and I was facing the wrong direction. This is all I ever wanted from life
January 8, 2026 at 2:22 PM
The cat woke me up at a quarter past 4 in the morning by standing on my neck and crushing my trachea because she wanted to snuggle and I was facing the wrong direction. This is all I ever wanted from life
>:[ someone driving by threw a big gulp at me on my walk ???
>:] you missed, fucker
>:] you missed, fucker
December 31, 2025 at 5:53 AM
>:[ someone driving by threw a big gulp at me on my walk ???
>:] you missed, fucker
>:] you missed, fucker
If I don't eat a good lox bagel frequently enough I start chewing the walls and clawing up the curtains. I feel whole again, seasonal affective disorder who?
December 28, 2025 at 8:38 PM
If I don't eat a good lox bagel frequently enough I start chewing the walls and clawing up the curtains. I feel whole again, seasonal affective disorder who?
all i want. is to be loved above all other things. which—i really dont think this is a big ask. but mother. soft warm neglectful mother. she keeps trying to play hex puzzle adventure. despite my objections. so as you can see. i live my life in constant torment.
December 20, 2025 at 7:43 PM
all i want. is to be loved above all other things. which—i really dont think this is a big ask. but mother. soft warm neglectful mother. she keeps trying to play hex puzzle adventure. despite my objections. so as you can see. i live my life in constant torment.
Sorry, no packages are getting sent out for the holidays this year, as box inspector Mochi hasn't finished her screening and is offended you even asked her to hurry up
December 19, 2025 at 7:49 AM
Sorry, no packages are getting sent out for the holidays this year, as box inspector Mochi hasn't finished her screening and is offended you even asked her to hurry up
Forever living with cognitive dissonance of vehemently disliking anything Christmas but also finding Noelle and Holly to be pretty cute names
December 19, 2025 at 1:11 AM
Forever living with cognitive dissonance of vehemently disliking anything Christmas but also finding Noelle and Holly to be pretty cute names
My wife's least favorite of my bits, "Oh hey you dropped this hair, let me put it back on top of your head for you" is not currying any more favors now that it's falling out faster from chemo
December 13, 2025 at 11:06 PM
My wife's least favorite of my bits, "Oh hey you dropped this hair, let me put it back on top of your head for you" is not currying any more favors now that it's falling out faster from chemo
My whole job is computer. Why do my typing skills sharply decrease when someone's standing behind me
December 11, 2025 at 6:51 PM
My whole job is computer. Why do my typing skills sharply decrease when someone's standing behind me
Contemplating losing my job and riding it all just so I can spend 10 more minutes in the warm bed
December 8, 2025 at 2:30 PM
Contemplating losing my job and riding it all just so I can spend 10 more minutes in the warm bed
It's 2025, why do we still need page breaks when saving a site as a PDF. It's digital and the site doesn't have page breaks, so why can't they just give me an endless scroll option when saving?? Adobe pls
December 2, 2025 at 7:38 PM
It's 2025, why do we still need page breaks when saving a site as a PDF. It's digital and the site doesn't have page breaks, so why can't they just give me an endless scroll option when saving?? Adobe pls
I love applying my alcohol based sunscreen the morning after dermaplaning my face and learning exactly how bad I did at dermaplaning my face
November 24, 2025 at 3:34 PM
I love applying my alcohol based sunscreen the morning after dermaplaning my face and learning exactly how bad I did at dermaplaning my face
The best photos of her are the ones where she's disheveled and undignified
November 22, 2025 at 10:59 PM
The best photos of her are the ones where she's disheveled and undignified
These are, without any embellishment, the best things I have ever baked, in my life
November 17, 2025 at 1:36 AM
These are, without any embellishment, the best things I have ever baked, in my life
Someone in the neighborhood has been lighting fireworks for like a solid twenty minutes, long enough that I had to look up breaking news to see if he was dead (no )
October 21, 2025 at 2:33 AM
Someone in the neighborhood has been lighting fireworks for like a solid twenty minutes, long enough that I had to look up breaking news to see if he was dead (no )
Call my qtips Guns n Roses the way they're knock-knock-knockin' on my eardrums' door
July 31, 2025 at 6:35 PM
Call my qtips Guns n Roses the way they're knock-knock-knockin' on my eardrums' door
Addicted to amending any post about my opinions with "and this is a hill I will die on"
July 31, 2025 at 3:00 AM
Addicted to amending any post about my opinions with "and this is a hill I will die on"
If you're looking for a restaurant and filter for ones that are "open now" then it shouldn't show you places that are closing in 5 minutes and this is a hill I will die on
July 31, 2025 at 3:00 AM
If you're looking for a restaurant and filter for ones that are "open now" then it shouldn't show you places that are closing in 5 minutes and this is a hill I will die on
I love logging into bluesky then immediately logging off to go google "news" and figure out what everyone's talking about
July 5, 2025 at 4:15 PM
I love logging into bluesky then immediately logging off to go google "news" and figure out what everyone's talking about
Maybe I'm not getting any job callbacks bc the hiring managers are looking at their website analytics and keep seeing I tabbed away from the application to google things like "can you swallow your own tongue"
June 9, 2025 at 11:56 PM
Maybe I'm not getting any job callbacks bc the hiring managers are looking at their website analytics and keep seeing I tabbed away from the application to google things like "can you swallow your own tongue"
Boycott notwithstanding, why tf would you release a pride collection of beige neutrals. Like if that's your plan just go back to not pandering to us at all
June 1, 2025 at 7:34 PM
Boycott notwithstanding, why tf would you release a pride collection of beige neutrals. Like if that's your plan just go back to not pandering to us at all
The most effective noise for summoning my cat isn't clicking or trilling or psspsspssing.
It's whistling the Godfather theme. Works every time.
It's whistling the Godfather theme. Works every time.
May 31, 2025 at 3:29 PM
The most effective noise for summoning my cat isn't clicking or trilling or psspsspssing.
It's whistling the Godfather theme. Works every time.
It's whistling the Godfather theme. Works every time.