Thanky!!

A actively tries to find a way to piss me off. She seems to enjoy it because then she can play the pity me game "oh woah as me everyone is always so mean to me"

Thank you!

They are from
2018, feb 2019, Oct 2019, and 2023

I just wish i had something, anything to look forward to.

I look like a fucking idiot telling people "my birthday is next week!"
I sound like a fucking child

God im sorry. Its like i HAVE to beg for attention. When in reality i dont deserve anyone's time.
Im a shitty person

Last year
I cried and cried to my mom about how bad my 21st birthday was
Thats a milestone to me
And no one cared
Maybe one person even remotely cared Id actually made it to 21 when for years i had zero plans of even making it to 20.

I think these past two years since my 21st birthday is what really did it.

I got to go to the zoo for that birthday sure,
But
Everyone treated it as whatever, my friends actually forgot completely, and so did the majority of my family.
I had a total of 4 people tell me happy birthday that year

I need change. I need something to change. I need things to get better.

I didn't go to college and A seems to resent me for it. For not going to college for not getting a higher paying job to MAYBE GET OUT OF HER HOUSE.
I hate it here. I hate this house. I hate this room. I feel like im suffocating.

My friends do, i know that
Ive had complete strangers praise what i do
I know that.
Coworkers have, teachers did,

But whats the point if my own parents dont even give a shit.

I know i haven't done anything they wished for me.
I know im not the person they hoped i would be.

My family wont even look at what i create.
My mom "oh i like your pencil sketches more"
And A (my other parent) she just looks and nods, shell say "looks nice!" If i push.
I shouldn't have to beg and i SHOULDN'T NEED APPROVAL I KNOW THAT

So whats the Point in me even creating it.
The only reason I still am is because I love What They Wont Do.
I love all of my characters that ive made and bonded with over the past 5 years

But then if i finally do finish it. And all i get is a fucking nod and a thumbs up what was the point???

Same as my art. I keep having to face the reality that very few people would want to consume a story about anthropomorphic characters that involves alot of gore, sad shit, and violence. And thats both normal people and furries.

Hell i dont even think some of my friends give half a shit about it.