Gareth Clarke
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lockonandfire.bsky.social
Gareth Clarke
@lockonandfire.bsky.social
460 followers 370 following 800 posts
Welshman born in Cornwall. A player of games. Frequently opinionated. Bullish retweeter. He/him.
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lockonandfire.bsky.social
Sim-pleee
Haaav-ing
A dreadful winter cold

On the extremely minor plus side, this fleece fits me better now than it ever has before. The joys of being diabetic and on Mounjaro
A selfie of me. I'm a white bloke in his late 30s with grey blue eyes and a scruffy, dirty-brown beard, wearing black rimmed glasses and a black fleece with hood - I'm wearing the hood up, which shows the interior is a fluffy white fleece lining. My cheeks are quite pink, and my mouth is partly agape because I can't breathe through my fucking nose right now. My expression is unknowable, but vaguely exhausted, because I fucking am.
November 30, 2025 at 4:53 PM
lockonandfire.bsky.social
Now they'll face some consequences for their actions, right?
A screengrab from Star Wars Episode 2, it's a close up image of Padme (played by Natalie Portman). She's got her hair in Princess Leia style buns to the sides of her head, but wrapped in netting. She's also wearing a very hippy headband, in green with pink flowers on it. In the foreground at the very left edge of the shot you can see the brown hair of the back of Anakin's head (played by Hayden Christensen's head). Padme is smiling widely at Anakin. It's an image that is commonly used in a reaction meme format.
November 20, 2025 at 6:23 PM
lockonandfire.bsky.social
Same energy, so this felt appropriate.
A screengrab from that video of Hayao Miyazaki telling a bunch of tech spurts that their AI animation is an insult to life itself. In this version, the English caption has been changed to read: "You are a dribbling infant, streaking your leaking arse across a tapestry you cannot comprehend. That creatures such as you have been charged with its custodianship is an insult upon creation."
October 25, 2025 at 11:48 AM
lockonandfire.bsky.social
Also, I don't think OP did all that much work - here's their edited picture next to a version with one Snapseed filter. They're like 90% the same.

Speaking of Snapseed, I also did a quick edit showing how you can edit the picture to look more eye-catching without an unreal colour balance.
A picture of the grey/yellow building against the blue and cloudy sky. There are two versions of the picture - on the bottom is from Reddit, OP's orange and teal edit of the picture. On the top is a version of the unedited picture I put into the photo editing app Snapseed and added one filter called Morning. They're not identical pictures, but that one filter is like 90% of the way there to OP's "work". A picture of the grey/yellow building against the blue and cloudy sky. There are two versions of the picture - on the top is from Reddit, the unedited picture. On the bottom is a version I did in like two minutes in Snapseed. Boosted brightness, sharpness, some slight fiddling with saturation, nothing huge. The effect is I think similar to what OP was going for - the yellow tones of the building "pop" out more against the brightened blue of the sky - but I believe my version is much more faithful to the original image's colours. It looks less like cheap CGI, is what I'm getting at.
October 21, 2025 at 4:52 PM
lockonandfire.bsky.social
Rant here instead of there - I saw this on Reddit about post-processing the photo; loads of comments congratulating OP's work and the improvement. Above before, below after.

I think it's crap - it's just the orange and teal effect, plus it makes the image look unreal, like it's out of a videogame.
Picture from Reddit of a grey/yellow building against a blue and lightly cloudy sky. The image includes two copies of the picture; above is before the OP edited it, below is after. The below version of the picture is stereotypically orange and teal with upped brightness - the building "pops" more in the image, increased orange tones of the brick against the boosted teal of the sky, but it also looks unreal, almost computer generated. I don't care for it.
October 21, 2025 at 4:38 PM
lockonandfire.bsky.social
MFW looking at the flat tyre I just got;
A selfie of me, a white bloke in his mid to late 30s with brown receding hair and a scraggy brown beard (with a hint of grey). I'm wearing a pair of black rimmed glasses, a light blue t-shirt under a navy jacket with a red and white accent stripe on the collar, and a pained expression. There are green trees behind me, because I got a flat tyre on a country lane.
October 14, 2025 at 4:15 PM
lockonandfire.bsky.social
Screenshot from The Simpsons. Shows Homer mid speech, angry expression on his face, with Barney to the left and a random woman to the right. Captions on screen read "the man never drank a Duff in his life". This relates to an old Duff commercial where Richard Nixon claims his fondness for that particular beer, and Homer's disbelief of that claim.
October 7, 2025 at 10:52 AM
lockonandfire.bsky.social
Amongst my sister's souvenirs obtained on her honeymoon in Croatia; Mario Kart Rosalina who looks more like Princess Zelda on a Minecraft mine cart, the Donkey Kong redesign we could have had, and an extremely shonky Typhlosion.
Picture of a knock off Lego set my sister picked up on her honeymoon in Croatia. It claims, in very Mario-esque font, to be a "Super Brothers" figure. The render on the box shows a mildly janky Rosalina in a white and light blue racing kart. The constructed figure looks more like Princess Zelda on the kind of thing you build hurriedly in Minecraft. The wheels do however turn, so fair play. A picture of the back of the "Super Brothers" knock off Lego box. It shows renders of a couple of other karters in the range, including Mario whose hat is too big, sex doll Princess Peach, your mate Andy's Halloween costume where he's going as Toad, and a largely unstylised monkey wearing a pixie cap that I presume is meant to be Donkey Kong. The unstylised monkey has an extremely blank expression, pitch black eyes, and bared teeth, so it looks like it's about to fuck you up. A plushie my sister picked up in Croatia. It's of the Pokémon Typhlosion, but is simultaneously too wide and weirdly squished. It's like a chihuahua version of Typhlosion, if that makes sense.
October 5, 2025 at 11:01 PM
lockonandfire.bsky.social
First time I've managed this, probably won't happen again. Still proud of myself for doing logic.
A screenshot of the endscreen for browser based logic puzzle game Clues By Sam. It's effectively Minesweeper but with written clues rather than numbers. The screenshot shows that I completed today's "tricky" puzzle perfectly (never made an incorrect guess, didn't use any hints). I'm unreasonably pleased with myself.
September 18, 2025 at 4:51 AM
lockonandfire.bsky.social
An edited comic about a dog, sketched simply in black and white. The original is a 3 panel layout. The dog is holding a frisbee in its mouth; in the first panel, the dog is saying "please throw?" In the second panel, a hand has appeared to take the frisbee but the dog is looking cross and is saying "no take!" The final panel is a close up of the dog looking even more annoyed than before, and is saying "only throw!" The version posted here is just the 2nd and 3rd panels with the text changed - it now reads "no buy!" in the 2nd panel and "only add!" in the 3rd.
September 17, 2025 at 6:24 AM
lockonandfire.bsky.social
The "always has been" meme - two astronauts in white spacesuits looking back at Earth. One is standing behind the other and has a handgun trained on them. Normally it has text on it contextualising the joke, but this is the blank template because my sense of humour seems to be suggesting a joke for other people to finish themselves.
September 15, 2025 at 11:15 AM
lockonandfire.bsky.social
Denies the charges.

Admits he did it.

Fucking hell, I used to be such a fan of this guy's work. What a transphobic dipshit.
Screenshot from the Guardian article linked. It reads; Linehan, 57, is on trial at Westminster magistrates court on one count of harassing Brooks on social media between 11 and 27 October last year and a further charge of criminal damage to a mobile phone on 19 October. He denies the charges. Screenshot from the Guardian article linked. Trigger warning, Linehan refers to the trans girl using the wrong name and pronouns because he's a transphobic arsehole. The screenshot reads; Linehan added: “The taunting from Tarquin was completely unnecessary. In response I grabbed the phone and threw it to one side. I had had enough of the constant harassment from Tarquin and needed to stop him from taunting me any further. I did not intend to cause any damage and I do not know if it was damaged or not, it was a reflex response to provocative actions by Tarquin. “I accept I have referred to Tarquin in posts, but as a journalist I believe exposing the tactics of vindictive and aggressive trans activists is in the public interest.” Linehan said in the statement he “simply wished the harassment from Tarquin to stop”.
September 5, 2025 at 3:49 PM
lockonandfire.bsky.social
No new pictures, where are you mentally
A screen grab from the first Avengers film, scene with a disheveled Mark Ruffalo about to transform into the Hulk. He's looking back over his shoulder talking to an offscreen Captain America, walking down a ruined New York street with dusty yellow taxis and grey skyscrapers either side towards an encroaching alien menace (can't remember what they're called; no-one cares). His line of dialogue in the scene is "that's my secret Cap, I'm always angry". The dialogue printed on this screen grab reads "that's my secret Cap, I haven't coped".
August 30, 2025 at 6:08 PM
lockonandfire.bsky.social
Rewatching Hbomberguy's "Plagiarism and You(Tube)" video, because it's an excellent documentary and Hbomb is an engaging presence, made me wonder what James Somerton was doing now. Googling led me to Wikitubia (I know) and this nugget, which feels like the most perfect coda to his dishonesty.
A screenshot from Wikitubia, a Fandom wiki about YouTubers, and specifically a page about former YouTuber James Somerton. Somerton's career was brought to an end following multiple exposé videos and accounts of his numerous instances of plagiarism and lying about said plagiarism. Under the title "Personal life", there is a short sentence that reads "He is gay". Amusingly given Somerton's evidenced dishonesty, this is appended with the Wikipedia classic hyperlink; "citation needed".
August 10, 2025 at 8:21 PM
lockonandfire.bsky.social
"How crap is the Federation, eh?!"
The face of British comedian Andy Parsons badly photoshopped onto Quark from Star Trek DS9.
July 27, 2025 at 8:36 AM
lockonandfire.bsky.social
This gave me a bit of a shock. I'm amused sure, but there must be better names for courier companies.
A snippet from an email updating me about an order. It reads "your order is on its way and will be delivered by Spring! For the latest updates and details, click the button above." It was only because Spring is capitalised that I realised it's a courier company I've never heard of before.
July 15, 2025 at 9:16 AM
lockonandfire.bsky.social
I've definitely lost some of this fire in myself, even over a year. Honestly, I'm not happy about that. Objectionable as it can make me, I miss it. I think I need to find me a flint.
A picture of a rant in a notes app, dated 02/04/24. I used to do this a lot to organise my thoughts, hone the argument, forge the steel of my opinions. Or just because I used to think these things over a lot more often. Or I'm an incorrigible sod for arguing (definitely this one). The text of the rant reads; "You cannot separate art from artist. Artists aren't satellite dishes picking up some intrinsic "art" that exists like background radiation and transcribing it for us all to see - the act of creation means the work is inherently a reflection in some way of those who created it. People who use this argument are actively deceiving themselves because they want consequence free entertainment. Mindless little consumers who will be just clamouring for AI produced content slop to be pumped into their gaping maws, so the flow never stops and they never have to think."
July 14, 2025 at 7:41 PM
lockonandfire.bsky.social
Fuck it, actually feeling a bit alright about myself ATM. Wheeee selfie time.
A selfie of me, a white man in his mid 30s with receding dark brown hair and a dark brown crappy beard and moustache. I'm wearing a pair of black glasses and a faded denim blue colour granddad t shirt, with a royal blue lanyard around my neck. The angle I've taken the selfie is extremely odd and not especially complimentary, given it's very Dutch and angled upwards (a cheeky pic taken at work), but I'm still kind of feeling myself which is a rarity for me.
July 2, 2025 at 8:53 AM
lockonandfire.bsky.social
Oh hell, this was upsetting to discover.
A screenshot from Clair Obscur Expedition 33. The image is in a glade with main character Gustave standing next to a pillar plastered in posters. The posters look like early newspaper printings in the belle epoque style, but under close examination the "text" is made up of the telltale nonsense markings that generative AI vomits out because it doesn't know how words work - broken off-brand tetromino shapes misaligned in ways actual typesetters would get fired for. The "pictures" on the posters also appear to mostly be meaningless swirls that imply at a glance but aren't anything in particular, another generative AI hallmark.
June 29, 2025 at 3:55 PM
lockonandfire.bsky.social
I take it back, AliExpress might be a problem for me. But equally, I love it.
A picture of a watch on my wrist. The watch is a Militado ML12, purchased from AliExpress in the recent sale (because I am easily influenced by YouTube videos and have poor impulse control). The watch has a field style design, with a bleeding lovely grainy faded maroon red dial, white numbers, and a sort of aged effect lume on the hands and hour markers in a vaguely light sandy brown colour. In the top half of the dial below the 12 is printed in white a "pheon" or broad arrow symbol - this was traditionally used to mark out property of the British Government, but was phased out in the 80s so is just a nice bit of visual flair here. The watch is on a light grey NATO strap, which is comfy but feels incredibly cheap. The watch case is a light matte silver, with matching metal strap keepers visible on the NATO.
June 23, 2025 at 1:10 PM
lockonandfire.bsky.social
Felt 36, might delete later.
A picture of me, a white man with dark brown hair and a scraggly brown beard, wearing a dark grey granddad t shirt. I'm puffing out my cheeks in faux exasperation, because I'm 36 today, how am I 36, when did this happen, oh God.
June 20, 2025 at 7:48 AM
lockonandfire.bsky.social
I take it back, buying shit on AliExpress because you can't get to sleep totally slaps.
A close up of the watch I recently bought on AliExpress, an Addiesdive AD2030, on my wrist. The watch body and bracelet are grey stainless steel, mostly brushed but with a polished ring around the watch face. The dial is a textured sandy brown, which gives the impression of a beach or sand dune. The hour and minute hands are simple lean triangles in a polished grey metal. The applied hour indices are also polished grey metal, with printed black minute marks around the edge of the dial. There's no text or logo on the dial. This cost like 40 quid (I've decided this is an early birthday present to myself, so I feel less bad about the late night shopping) and I'm thrilled with it.
June 9, 2025 at 11:16 PM
lockonandfire.bsky.social
You can get an Addiesdive AD2030 on AliExpress for around 20 quid cheaper than the lower price here, but what I'm particularly amused by is that they've effectively decided their shit logo is worth £40.
Screenshot of Amazon search results. It shows two listings for the same watch, the Addiesdive AD2030 - a silver metal body watch and bracelet with simple indices and hands and a rather lovely sand dune effect dial. The top listing shows the dial in pure white with no logo, and is listed at £59.39. The bottom listing shows the dial in sandy brown with Addiesdive's weird logo (a variation on a skull and crossbones I think, but the skull has got crazy eyes and the crossbones are actually harpoons) on it, and is listed at £99.99. Either colour for the dial can be selected for either version of the watch (as well as an unshown baby blue option), so the choice here is if you want to pay an extra 40 quid for a shit logo.
June 1, 2025 at 2:22 PM
lockonandfire.bsky.social
Original strap was a bit tired. Decided to go for more of a contrasting colour than the original's sand tone. I'm just really pleased with how it looks.
A Seiko SNK803, a field watch with a lightly creamy or ivory colour dial and matte silver metal case body. I've replaced the original canvas watch strap (which is a light sand colour) with a deep navy canvas strap. The deep navy replacement watch strap has silver metal eyelets for the buckle holes, instead of the cream leather reinforcement on the original strap. I've also transplanted the original buckle from the original strap onto the new one - the buckle is a matte silver metal with the word "Seiko" engraved into it.
May 17, 2025 at 3:58 PM
lockonandfire.bsky.social
I hope my first shiny card in Pokémon TCG Pocket is a cool Pokémon!

My first shiny card:
An image of a card from Pokémon TCG Pocket. It's of a Kakuna, a middle evolution between Weedle (a multi-segmented worm with a red nose and a spike on its head) and Beedrill (a massive bee, with spikes for arms). Kakuna is a chrysalis that kind of looks like a bee that's been dipped in wax. It's normally off yellow, but the special shiny version is pale green instead. The card is also fancy AF with a rainbow holographic effect for its background and borders.
April 8, 2025 at 10:03 PM