straight outta central casting

ok but...what's the reason

also worth noting: from my own experience, I can tell you that many aspects of CDC comms are also now controlled by HHS, so on-the-record comments/conversations with journalists are not guaranteed to represent the actual perspective of the CDC

I TOLD YOU

-She repeatedly corrects the use of an outdated and unrepresentative statement from an authority
-She clearly explains what specifically is inconsistent about the agency’s recent actions
-She ends with a clear statement of the problem anyone can understand
-She doesn’t let him have the last word

!!!!!!!!

my man I am just tryna maintain

-curse at/remove any squinting/shivering people or animals from the hallway before any of them pee on the rug
-congratulate yourself and take stepladder downstairs
-enjoy 5 minutes of silence before the wrong-battery-orientation chirps start (the delay is because of Obama)
-burn house down

-smush the little housing door shut. there will be a click. do not allow this to reassure you.
-press and hold the button labeled “test|silence” (the silence part is a lie)
-there will be three loud beeps from (why??) ALL the smoke alarms in the house
-at least now your partner is awake

-orient the new battery in your favorite direction (just guess, there are no clues) and smush it into the housing. there will not be a click or a snap or any other cue to tell you whether you are right or wrong

-rotate the alarm both clockwise and counterclockwise
-reconcile the fact that the alarm is hardwired to your home’s electric circuitry yet still needs regular battery changes?? ok sure
-use your fingernail and maybe math? to pry the old (rectangular) battery out of its (semicircular) housing

Actual instructions on changing a smoke alarm battery:
-wake to the chirp at 4:30am
-haul the stepladder upstairs from the kitchen
-identify a fresh 9V battery in the junk drawer
-climb from the stepladder to the dresser so you can reach the alarm (while your 6’5” partner sleeps)

❤️

I was sitting in my car alone and suddenly heard someone clearing their throat

Oops, having a strong opinion about something doesn‘t make it true! Best of luck out there