Growing up, I had a dog who would hide under the bed after a haircut unless you told her multiple times how pretty she looked. Cuz once my dad laughed at her after the groomer

I worked with a nurse who said dinosaurs weren't real because, you know, the Bible

Pie is basically just an excuse to eat crust.

I once had a boss who said about my pants that he would like me to come over to his house and take my shoes off and walk all over his back in those pants. I told him the only reason I would ever come over to his house was to cut him with a knife.