Jordan Von Hero
@jordanvonhero.bsky.social
Approximately half of The Hot Shapes, writer guy, excellent father, liar.
Utah is clearly a crime ridden wasteland and needs federal intervention
September 10, 2025 at 7:34 PM
Utah is clearly a crime ridden wasteland and needs federal intervention
The oracle said this would be the TNF game that lasted a thousand forevers.
September 5, 2025 at 2:47 AM
The oracle said this would be the TNF game that lasted a thousand forevers.
I take 100 micropoops during the course of the day.
August 10, 2025 at 2:25 PM
I take 100 micropoops during the course of the day.
Who is responsible for prerolls being too tightly rolled in general, dept of agriculture?
July 29, 2025 at 12:45 AM
Who is responsible for prerolls being too tightly rolled in general, dept of agriculture?
The only Trump policy I agree with is getting rid of pennies. Fuck those little copper pieces of shit, they make me mad enough to kill.
July 12, 2025 at 5:21 PM
The only Trump policy I agree with is getting rid of pennies. Fuck those little copper pieces of shit, they make me mad enough to kill.
I don’t practice Santeria, i have fucking perfected it
July 7, 2025 at 3:00 AM
I don’t practice Santeria, i have fucking perfected it
Seeing a man in a suit is so anomalous these days, like seeing a man in a gorilla suit used to be.
June 28, 2025 at 12:39 AM
Seeing a man in a suit is so anomalous these days, like seeing a man in a gorilla suit used to be.
You should be able to vape only weed at the post office.
June 28, 2025 at 12:25 AM
You should be able to vape only weed at the post office.
I am close friends with Macaulay Culkin and I call him “Good Son,” which he likes.
June 20, 2025 at 2:54 AM
I am close friends with Macaulay Culkin and I call him “Good Son,” which he likes.
At least we’re going to get a classic Neil Young song out of this whole mess.
June 8, 2025 at 12:21 PM
At least we’re going to get a classic Neil Young song out of this whole mess.
Gonna join ICE and convert hearts and minds with my newsletters
June 8, 2025 at 12:19 PM
Gonna join ICE and convert hearts and minds with my newsletters
“Layla” is probably Eric Clapton’s strongest statement (non-racist)
June 1, 2025 at 9:28 PM
“Layla” is probably Eric Clapton’s strongest statement (non-racist)
If they want me to drink water they need to make it a lot less vanilla, like for example vanilla would be a good thing to add to it
May 30, 2025 at 1:23 PM
If they want me to drink water they need to make it a lot less vanilla, like for example vanilla would be a good thing to add to it
“Are you walkin here to me? I’m walkin here! Are you walkin to me? Nobody else is walkin here, so you must be walkin here”
-Bob DeNeero, The Midnight Cowboys
-Bob DeNeero, The Midnight Cowboys
May 28, 2025 at 2:44 PM
“Are you walkin here to me? I’m walkin here! Are you walkin to me? Nobody else is walkin here, so you must be walkin here”
-Bob DeNeero, The Midnight Cowboys
-Bob DeNeero, The Midnight Cowboys
People should have sex to audiobooks, like “did you hear that, baby? She volunteered herself as tribute.”
May 19, 2025 at 12:53 PM
People should have sex to audiobooks, like “did you hear that, baby? She volunteered herself as tribute.”
Everybody has one ex who’s really into LinkedIn, right?
May 19, 2025 at 12:48 PM
Everybody has one ex who’s really into LinkedIn, right?
I could have written Night Moves by Bob Seger.
May 10, 2025 at 11:54 PM
I could have written Night Moves by Bob Seger.
I went to St Ignatius and the Pope was my trig teacher
May 8, 2025 at 10:10 PM
I went to St Ignatius and the Pope was my trig teacher
Technically the Gremlins are boutique and small batch.
March 17, 2025 at 3:12 AM
Technically the Gremlins are boutique and small batch.
They say this sandwich has capers but I ain’t seen them steal shit.
March 16, 2025 at 9:40 PM
They say this sandwich has capers but I ain’t seen them steal shit.
A scrub is a guy who thinks he’s fly/also known as some pasta
March 15, 2025 at 5:25 PM
A scrub is a guy who thinks he’s fly/also known as some pasta
Raisin Bran Funk Railroad
March 14, 2025 at 5:54 PM
Raisin Bran Funk Railroad
Upsetting, funereal vibes only plz!
March 13, 2025 at 6:08 PM
Upsetting, funereal vibes only plz!
Weird how when I tell people I have polio I suddenly become a great guitar player.
March 13, 2025 at 6:07 PM
Weird how when I tell people I have polio I suddenly become a great guitar player.
Glengarry Glen Ross is just transcripts of things I say while I’m driving.
March 12, 2025 at 2:26 PM
Glengarry Glen Ross is just transcripts of things I say while I’m driving.