I suspect he understands very well but chooses not to participate in your childish games :)

that's ace :) It shows how language shifts doesn't it? The Jamaica pun lost and a new meaning implied by the new pronunciation - a dire maker, or a maker who dyes. Fascinating innit

I'd get a Gregg Wallace in there. Brighten the place up with his hilarious predatory antics.

Would have to get a Torode to help with the mucking-out tho

Did you make her go to the Caribbean?

..aw no he's accidentally stabbed himself in the back 17 times :(

A good desk chair is a beautiful thing. Don't undervalue it :)

Looks like Anthony Gormley's up to his old tricks

as if Steve's real

but it's GOOD OLD BRI'ISH PIE NO FORRIN MUCK

I reckon any pound shop worth its... condiments... would have a version of these. Wrapped up in a plastic display pack with pink bubbly writing and using exclamation marks unnecessarily. Called "NAUGHTY SALTY" or something. With a picture of a faux-shocked Ainsley Harriot on there

oh god the Guardian gift guide... it's like a Betterware catalogue for middle class navel gazers

That letter is hilarious. As is the fact that his stupid expensive sports car gets stolen at least once a year, seemingly just to piss him off. Amazing how lovely his sister seems in comparison really

Giles Coren just cheered

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clearly for times when you can't plug in their lead