mutt
@jaegermute.bsky.social
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There's a little Zurv in my head and he keeps me tethered.
February 4, 2026 at 3:59 AM
There's a little Zurv in my head and he keeps me tethered.
I wake and I scream at myself to get out of bed. Every morning. On my way to class, I repeat the words, "I'll get through, I'll get to go home." At home, until I have to go to bed, "I have to go to bed in..." If I don't, distressed. In bed, "I have to sleep, I have to sleep, I have to wake up."
January 30, 2026 at 5:12 AM
I wake and I scream at myself to get out of bed. Every morning. On my way to class, I repeat the words, "I'll get through, I'll get to go home." At home, until I have to go to bed, "I have to go to bed in..." If I don't, distressed. In bed, "I have to sleep, I have to sleep, I have to wake up."
I know more often than not I get fired up and I act like I care a lot about thinks that people either shouldn't or should care less about. However, I promise you in reality, in my actual body I don't really care about what I might be saying or shouting. And you can say that I'm just saying that.
January 25, 2026 at 5:26 AM
I know more often than not I get fired up and I act like I care a lot about thinks that people either shouldn't or should care less about. However, I promise you in reality, in my actual body I don't really care about what I might be saying or shouting. And you can say that I'm just saying that.
I think I've steeled myself. In metal that burns.
January 24, 2026 at 9:03 AM
I think I've steeled myself. In metal that burns.
Thought I wasn't in the cycle. The cycle got longer, or I reset it before it could end. Now I've done neither, and I'm at that end I dread so much. But my dread is overriden by my hate, ever consuming and poisoning my mind's well. I guess I'll see how good I've gotten this time.
January 22, 2026 at 7:20 AM
Thought I wasn't in the cycle. The cycle got longer, or I reset it before it could end. Now I've done neither, and I'm at that end I dread so much. But my dread is overriden by my hate, ever consuming and poisoning my mind's well. I guess I'll see how good I've gotten this time.
That Joke Isn't Funny Anymore
January 21, 2026 at 7:13 AM
That Joke Isn't Funny Anymore
I will kill myself.
January 21, 2026 at 3:34 AM
I will kill myself.
Forgot to post this last night.
January 20, 2026 at 4:05 AM
Forgot to post this last night.
Last night was the most painful it's been in a long time.
January 18, 2026 at 8:17 PM
Last night was the most painful it's been in a long time.
Like scathing iron, I'm reminded again.
January 16, 2026 at 6:41 AM
Like scathing iron, I'm reminded again.
Where it counts, when it matters. I promise I'll always be as honest as I can. I'm sorry if I'm vague, though.
January 16, 2026 at 6:22 AM
Where it counts, when it matters. I promise I'll always be as honest as I can. I'm sorry if I'm vague, though.
I'm kept up at night often, but something I always grapple with is the issue of faith and the absence of it. Logically, I really have no reason to believe in it. But, a part of me screams to believe in something, anything, any faith. Just having someone to believe, having someone to confess to.
January 15, 2026 at 9:18 AM
I'm kept up at night often, but something I always grapple with is the issue of faith and the absence of it. Logically, I really have no reason to believe in it. But, a part of me screams to believe in something, anything, any faith. Just having someone to believe, having someone to confess to.
I wake up every day and I have no drive or will or any dreams. I sleep, and I sleep a bit more. And then I'm awake, to sleep a little bit more. Then maybe I'll wake up. It isn't like this everyday, but if I had the choice, it would be.
January 13, 2026 at 7:25 AM
I wake up every day and I have no drive or will or any dreams. I sleep, and I sleep a bit more. And then I'm awake, to sleep a little bit more. Then maybe I'll wake up. It isn't like this everyday, but if I had the choice, it would be.
Regardless of what I do I have found that I follow in the footsteps of those I want to be close to, rather than stepping next to them. Perhaps I am like a pet more than I am a human.
January 10, 2026 at 9:34 AM
Regardless of what I do I have found that I follow in the footsteps of those I want to be close to, rather than stepping next to them. Perhaps I am like a pet more than I am a human.
My eyes burn deep when I open them.
November 4, 2025 at 3:50 AM
My eyes burn deep when I open them.
And I'm still at 0. Waking up I tell myself I'll start again and I just keep doing it. I can't stop. I can't stop no matter how badly I want to. I can't.
November 3, 2025 at 10:49 PM
And I'm still at 0. Waking up I tell myself I'll start again and I just keep doing it. I can't stop. I can't stop no matter how badly I want to. I can't.
I thought I could atleast do somewhat well but when I awake to see what the result is, I failed. Completely. Maybe this isn't for me. Maybe I won't ever be able to do well. Why is everything so difficult? Why can't I pass? I feel pathetic.
November 3, 2025 at 12:23 PM
I thought I could atleast do somewhat well but when I awake to see what the result is, I failed. Completely. Maybe this isn't for me. Maybe I won't ever be able to do well. Why is everything so difficult? Why can't I pass? I feel pathetic.
I'm so sorry I relapsed. I couldn't help myself. I thought I was doing well but now I'm back to 0.
November 2, 2025 at 5:00 AM
I'm so sorry I relapsed. I couldn't help myself. I thought I was doing well but now I'm back to 0.
I honestly think about how deep these characters (Noble Team) really go because I feel like people don't give them enough credit since reach shows things mostly through subtlety. Such as like... Kat's hard exterior and bravado or you know, Emile's cynicism more being a coping method.
Emile and Six are the only two to always keep their helmet on, so do you think they'd do head bunting? But like, kinda hard. Probably hard enough to crack a skull or some shit. I feel like they would.
October 31, 2025 at 4:33 AM
I honestly think about how deep these characters (Noble Team) really go because I feel like people don't give them enough credit since reach shows things mostly through subtlety. Such as like... Kat's hard exterior and bravado or you know, Emile's cynicism more being a coping method.
I'm scared, I'm scared, I'm scared, it's like you're gonna kill me, like you're right behind me with a knife but I just don't know when. What do I do? How can I forget you? Please just leave my life. I don't wanna look over my shoulder anymore.
October 30, 2025 at 4:56 AM
I'm scared, I'm scared, I'm scared, it's like you're gonna kill me, like you're right behind me with a knife but I just don't know when. What do I do? How can I forget you? Please just leave my life. I don't wanna look over my shoulder anymore.
There's this idea I've had for a long while where I want to get like a little notebook or something. While I'm walking or going to different places, I'd see memorials or dedications to dead people and write those down in the book, as its posted.
October 29, 2025 at 4:11 AM
There's this idea I've had for a long while where I want to get like a little notebook or something. While I'm walking or going to different places, I'd see memorials or dedications to dead people and write those down in the book, as its posted.
It's a shame the shots of noble team dying are so tragic because they're consistently my favorite shots in the whole game.
October 28, 2025 at 3:16 AM
It's a shame the shots of noble team dying are so tragic because they're consistently my favorite shots in the whole game.
Ok, to be honest, I don't know what crack I was smoking cause Six isn't really edgy. Its just the air that surrounds them. Which is honestly better than whatever Emile has going on.
These two are also really edgy. Like intentionally and not intentionally. Does that make sense? Emile more intentional, Six less intentional, but they're really mirrors of each other. It is also really funny cause it makes Emile look like a nerd, but Six does it more tactfully.
Emile and Six are the only two to always keep their helmet on, so do you think they'd do head bunting? But like, kinda hard. Probably hard enough to crack a skull or some shit. I feel like they would.
October 27, 2025 at 2:08 AM
Ok, to be honest, I don't know what crack I was smoking cause Six isn't really edgy. Its just the air that surrounds them. Which is honestly better than whatever Emile has going on.
These two are also really edgy. Like intentionally and not intentionally. Does that make sense? Emile more intentional, Six less intentional, but they're really mirrors of each other. It is also really funny cause it makes Emile look like a nerd, but Six does it more tactfully.
Emile and Six are the only two to always keep their helmet on, so do you think they'd do head bunting? But like, kinda hard. Probably hard enough to crack a skull or some shit. I feel like they would.
October 26, 2025 at 7:30 AM
These two are also really edgy. Like intentionally and not intentionally. Does that make sense? Emile more intentional, Six less intentional, but they're really mirrors of each other. It is also really funny cause it makes Emile look like a nerd, but Six does it more tactfully.