not real
@imnotreal.ghoul.systems
delusional emo posting and technobabble
that fact that networking is a homophone is a gigantic failure, and a massive self-esteem hit because i'm only kind of good at one of them.
December 10, 2025 at 5:06 AM
that fact that networking is a homophone is a gigantic failure, and a massive self-esteem hit because i'm only kind of good at one of them.
new client today. they were so impressed that i solved their VLAN problem. they trusted me to not take down their network. poor judgment by them, but it was hitless.
they said i was the 2nd person to make them feel stupid in IT, which i think is kind of arrogant but also a great compliment.
$$$$ lfg
they said i was the 2nd person to make them feel stupid in IT, which i think is kind of arrogant but also a great compliment.
$$$$ lfg
December 10, 2025 at 4:59 AM
new client today. they were so impressed that i solved their VLAN problem. they trusted me to not take down their network. poor judgment by them, but it was hitless.
they said i was the 2nd person to make them feel stupid in IT, which i think is kind of arrogant but also a great compliment.
$$$$ lfg
they said i was the 2nd person to make them feel stupid in IT, which i think is kind of arrogant but also a great compliment.
$$$$ lfg
a line of fathers
ashamed of how hard they feel
i want to end it
ashamed of how hard they feel
i want to end it
December 5, 2025 at 3:11 AM
a line of fathers
ashamed of how hard they feel
i want to end it
ashamed of how hard they feel
i want to end it
November 30, 2025 at 6:52 AM
Driftwood: A Fairy Tale
YouTube video by Cursive - Topic
www.youtube.com
November 30, 2025 at 5:13 AM
why mustn't they love me,
as i mistake longing for love.
why mustn't they hate me,
as i mistake shame for hate.
replacing intensity,
with severity.
mundane in reality,
delusion in anxiety.
#poetry #self-reflection
as i mistake longing for love.
why mustn't they hate me,
as i mistake shame for hate.
replacing intensity,
with severity.
mundane in reality,
delusion in anxiety.
#poetry #self-reflection
November 27, 2025 at 12:10 AM
why mustn't they love me,
as i mistake longing for love.
why mustn't they hate me,
as i mistake shame for hate.
replacing intensity,
with severity.
mundane in reality,
delusion in anxiety.
#poetry #self-reflection
as i mistake longing for love.
why mustn't they hate me,
as i mistake shame for hate.
replacing intensity,
with severity.
mundane in reality,
delusion in anxiety.
#poetry #self-reflection
October 26, 2025 at 2:50 AM
open circuit
tangled pairs
fm transmission, am receiver
destination host unreachable
satellite dish pointed right at you
really thought i'd find a signal in that noise
just radio aparitions from eons ago
thought i must have just misheard you
could have sworn i'd already been through this
tangled pairs
fm transmission, am receiver
destination host unreachable
satellite dish pointed right at you
really thought i'd find a signal in that noise
just radio aparitions from eons ago
thought i must have just misheard you
could have sworn i'd already been through this
October 15, 2025 at 3:48 AM
open circuit
tangled pairs
fm transmission, am receiver
destination host unreachable
satellite dish pointed right at you
really thought i'd find a signal in that noise
just radio aparitions from eons ago
thought i must have just misheard you
could have sworn i'd already been through this
tangled pairs
fm transmission, am receiver
destination host unreachable
satellite dish pointed right at you
really thought i'd find a signal in that noise
just radio aparitions from eons ago
thought i must have just misheard you
could have sworn i'd already been through this
a satire of self-worth
July 19, 2025 at 12:42 AM
a satire of self-worth
it came from a place of sincerity.
i don't know how or why,
and i won't presume to,
but i didn't mean to offend.
i didn't miss the irony.
i don't know how or why,
and i won't presume to,
but i didn't mean to offend.
i didn't miss the irony.
June 30, 2025 at 1:40 AM
it came from a place of sincerity.
i don't know how or why,
and i won't presume to,
but i didn't mean to offend.
i didn't miss the irony.
i don't know how or why,
and i won't presume to,
but i didn't mean to offend.
i didn't miss the irony.
At the checkout, she was beautiful, and I held it all in.
I know it doesn't mean anything.
I know this is projection.
But did I do something wrong?
Was I good enough in that moment?
"Do you want your receipt?"
Sure, thanks.
I know it doesn't mean anything.
I know this is projection.
But did I do something wrong?
Was I good enough in that moment?
"Do you want your receipt?"
Sure, thanks.
June 28, 2025 at 1:21 AM
At the checkout, she was beautiful, and I held it all in.
I know it doesn't mean anything.
I know this is projection.
But did I do something wrong?
Was I good enough in that moment?
"Do you want your receipt?"
Sure, thanks.
I know it doesn't mean anything.
I know this is projection.
But did I do something wrong?
Was I good enough in that moment?
"Do you want your receipt?"
Sure, thanks.
"how have you been?"
can't say what i think
"same old"
can't say what i feel
"but how have you really been?"
you won't hear it anyway
can't say what i think
"same old"
can't say what i feel
"but how have you really been?"
you won't hear it anyway
June 19, 2025 at 6:11 AM
"how have you been?"
can't say what i think
"same old"
can't say what i feel
"but how have you really been?"
you won't hear it anyway
can't say what i think
"same old"
can't say what i feel
"but how have you really been?"
you won't hear it anyway
i like waking up because for 30 minutes
i dont feel it in my stomach
i dont feel it in my chest
eyes open, but not yet awake
i dont feel it in my stomach
i dont feel it in my chest
eyes open, but not yet awake
June 18, 2025 at 2:05 PM
i like waking up because for 30 minutes
i dont feel it in my stomach
i dont feel it in my chest
eyes open, but not yet awake
i dont feel it in my stomach
i dont feel it in my chest
eyes open, but not yet awake
had a rot day. awful anxiety. hated myself.
sat through it, just noticing.
went driving to make some space.
couldn't be me noticing cause and effect.
couldn't be me recognizing the value of self care.
knowing i've been here 1000 times before, never sitting with it once.
nope. definitely not. not i.
sat through it, just noticing.
went driving to make some space.
couldn't be me noticing cause and effect.
couldn't be me recognizing the value of self care.
knowing i've been here 1000 times before, never sitting with it once.
nope. definitely not. not i.
June 17, 2025 at 12:21 PM
had a rot day. awful anxiety. hated myself.
sat through it, just noticing.
went driving to make some space.
couldn't be me noticing cause and effect.
couldn't be me recognizing the value of self care.
knowing i've been here 1000 times before, never sitting with it once.
nope. definitely not. not i.
sat through it, just noticing.
went driving to make some space.
couldn't be me noticing cause and effect.
couldn't be me recognizing the value of self care.
knowing i've been here 1000 times before, never sitting with it once.
nope. definitely not. not i.
had a call with a client today
he didnt want to overstep my boundaries
"ppl in our field say yes to everything even if it means burning out"
too bluntly i said if someone oversteps their own limits thats on them
not wrong but it was unkind
i meant dont do the emotional work of guessing. ill tell you
he didnt want to overstep my boundaries
"ppl in our field say yes to everything even if it means burning out"
too bluntly i said if someone oversteps their own limits thats on them
not wrong but it was unkind
i meant dont do the emotional work of guessing. ill tell you
June 16, 2025 at 5:12 PM
had a call with a client today
he didnt want to overstep my boundaries
"ppl in our field say yes to everything even if it means burning out"
too bluntly i said if someone oversteps their own limits thats on them
not wrong but it was unkind
i meant dont do the emotional work of guessing. ill tell you
he didnt want to overstep my boundaries
"ppl in our field say yes to everything even if it means burning out"
too bluntly i said if someone oversteps their own limits thats on them
not wrong but it was unkind
i meant dont do the emotional work of guessing. ill tell you
Out here doing reps for my client 💪
☐ fixed external DNS resolution
☐ identified tombstoned AD DS replication
☐ recommended fixes
☐ fixed external DNS resolution
☐ identified tombstoned AD DS replication
☐ recommended fixes
June 16, 2025 at 5:15 AM
Out here doing reps for my client 💪
☐ fixed external DNS resolution
☐ identified tombstoned AD DS replication
☐ recommended fixes
☐ fixed external DNS resolution
☐ identified tombstoned AD DS replication
☐ recommended fixes
was in a vc and caught myself becoming dysregulated.
thought they weren't engaging, but we were just disagreeing.
felt frustration and the urge to unload on them.
not fair, they were speaking in good faith.
should have left earlier. not because of them, but because i was already past my limit.
thought they weren't engaging, but we were just disagreeing.
felt frustration and the urge to unload on them.
not fair, they were speaking in good faith.
should have left earlier. not because of them, but because i was already past my limit.
June 15, 2025 at 7:58 PM
was in a vc and caught myself becoming dysregulated.
thought they weren't engaging, but we were just disagreeing.
felt frustration and the urge to unload on them.
not fair, they were speaking in good faith.
should have left earlier. not because of them, but because i was already past my limit.
thought they weren't engaging, but we were just disagreeing.
felt frustration and the urge to unload on them.
not fair, they were speaking in good faith.
should have left earlier. not because of them, but because i was already past my limit.
said something self-deprecating to a piercer and watched his affect change like i’d accused him.
clarified i wasn’t mad, just being emotionally honest.
he relaxed instantly. we went for a smoke later.
i'm still surprised i said the right thing to repair the rupture.
clarified i wasn’t mad, just being emotionally honest.
he relaxed instantly. we went for a smoke later.
i'm still surprised i said the right thing to repair the rupture.
June 15, 2025 at 6:51 AM
said something self-deprecating to a piercer and watched his affect change like i’d accused him.
clarified i wasn’t mad, just being emotionally honest.
he relaxed instantly. we went for a smoke later.
i'm still surprised i said the right thing to repair the rupture.
clarified i wasn’t mad, just being emotionally honest.
he relaxed instantly. we went for a smoke later.
i'm still surprised i said the right thing to repair the rupture.
my mom called with a tech problem, almost panicked.
realized that it didn't feel right.
i wasn't the only one who could fix it.
she called me to be her emotional sponge.
told her i couldn’t help. she said “oh, okay” and hung up.
still feel like i did something wrong, even though i know i didn’t.
realized that it didn't feel right.
i wasn't the only one who could fix it.
she called me to be her emotional sponge.
told her i couldn’t help. she said “oh, okay” and hung up.
still feel like i did something wrong, even though i know i didn’t.
June 15, 2025 at 6:41 AM
my mom called with a tech problem, almost panicked.
realized that it didn't feel right.
i wasn't the only one who could fix it.
she called me to be her emotional sponge.
told her i couldn’t help. she said “oh, okay” and hung up.
still feel like i did something wrong, even though i know i didn’t.
realized that it didn't feel right.
i wasn't the only one who could fix it.
she called me to be her emotional sponge.
told her i couldn’t help. she said “oh, okay” and hung up.
still feel like i did something wrong, even though i know i didn’t.
self-hate is seductive because it feels like penance.
but it fixes nothing. it helps no one.
it freezes you in shame and traps you in the same pattern,
damning you to make the same mistakes.
but it fixes nothing. it helps no one.
it freezes you in shame and traps you in the same pattern,
damning you to make the same mistakes.
June 13, 2025 at 2:00 PM
self-hate is seductive because it feels like penance.
but it fixes nothing. it helps no one.
it freezes you in shame and traps you in the same pattern,
damning you to make the same mistakes.
but it fixes nothing. it helps no one.
it freezes you in shame and traps you in the same pattern,
damning you to make the same mistakes.
learned about asdot and asplain today.
didn't even know 4-byte ASNs existed.
hopefully i'll remember to divide by 65536 instead of 65535.
thanks chatgpt for translating 0-context cisco docs
didn't even know 4-byte ASNs existed.
hopefully i'll remember to divide by 65536 instead of 65535.
thanks chatgpt for translating 0-context cisco docs
June 13, 2025 at 6:26 AM
learned about asdot and asplain today.
didn't even know 4-byte ASNs existed.
hopefully i'll remember to divide by 65536 instead of 65535.
thanks chatgpt for translating 0-context cisco docs
didn't even know 4-byte ASNs existed.
hopefully i'll remember to divide by 65536 instead of 65535.
thanks chatgpt for translating 0-context cisco docs
i made it clear how i felt.
then i get "i liked talking to you."
opens the door just a crack, and i'm left holding all that ambiguity.
would've liked to be met with the same vulnerability.
then i get "i liked talking to you."
opens the door just a crack, and i'm left holding all that ambiguity.
would've liked to be met with the same vulnerability.
June 13, 2025 at 6:21 AM
i made it clear how i felt.
then i get "i liked talking to you."
opens the door just a crack, and i'm left holding all that ambiguity.
would've liked to be met with the same vulnerability.
then i get "i liked talking to you."
opens the door just a crack, and i'm left holding all that ambiguity.
would've liked to be met with the same vulnerability.
first post. tried to not over think it. failed
June 13, 2025 at 6:21 AM
first post. tried to not over think it. failed