I get a lot of press releases from AI companies. The other day, I received one that promised this exact innovation; I'd tell you more, but details are fuzzy after I hurled my laptop across the room and walked, unblinking, into the sea

What I really want, even more than a word for it, is an immediate sense of whether it's actually important. If it's just weird creeps being shitheads (which seems to be the case here!), my nerves can deal enough for me to have fun reverse-engineering why everyone's like, "my god, the horror"

For many years, I would compose texts -- not just emails, but TEXTS -- in complete sentences/paragraphs, with punctuation. After agonizing, I finally started leaving the period off the end of the last sentence sometimes, because it was somehow funnier. Billionaires are out there like, "h i ther ,,"

Mine once hit 849 (out of 850!) and I texted a screenshot to Katie like it was the world’s hottest nude

big "why won't AOC debate me" energy

I just wish all the nominees had thought ahead and lip-synced each other's books

And yet there's a whole contestant who, prior to last night, had gotten like 9 seconds of screen time! Expanding to 90 minutes had really helped fix some of their problems with telegraphing winners and turning fifth-place finishers into NPCs, but this season... not so much.

Last week, I literally shouted "WHO IS THAT?!" during her 3 seconds of screen time.

The best was when you’d share an elevator with her, her voice would crop up on the speaker, and she’d say, “Oh, shyadddddupppp.” She was the best.

Honestly, I'm still chuckling about Rolling Stone giving The Life Of A Showgirl five stars. Like, it's got a song about Travis Kelce's hog; that's an automatic one-star deduction right there! The moment the phrase "magic wand" leaves her lips, she topples off the pommel horse.

Oh my gosh, hi! That was almost certainly me -- we'll be there tomorrow night, too, if you're still in town!