R U sure your home’s carbon monoxide detectors are functioning?

Everyone here acting like they’ve never hear of huffing gasoline. This is a drug precursor. All is fair in the War on Drugs!

Mac keyboards making it so much simpler to type them than PCs do probably has a lot to do with my preference for them throughout my adulthood. My affinity for em dashes has cost me a fucking fortune. Like hell I’m gonna quit using them now.

Oh hell yeah, scromiting is back in the Discourse! I was afraid everyone already knew it was bullshit, but it looks like some new rubes stumbled across the most hilarious drug hysteria that 10 seconds of critical thinking would dispel since jenkem.

“Perfect like my phone call where I got impeached” is the first thing that comes to mind for him when he’s trying to say everything is fine, stop asking about it? Shit, now I’m starting to feel a glimmer of hope that It Might Happen.

Sends the wrong message, but the message is 100% accurate

Everyone is 12

What a fucking song. A verse holds you in breathless suspense until you fall out cackling at the tension-releasing punchline, and it’s just about seeing a mentally ill person mess up their order at a restaurant.

“I was chilling down at Kentucky Fried Chicken, minding my business having fun and finger licking” = “I was eating fast food, alone.”

I wonder how much Americans’ views on driving would change if they could just close their eyes and click their heels and be transported to their destination.

I don’t think she is the one who said “I don’t get out of bed for less than $3/word,” but I will continue conflating them. I only have so much room in my head for inexplicably successful New York gossip journalists to loathe.

I’d like to see ol’ Donny Trump wriggle his way out of THIS jam!

Next November? You flinch and give up your only leverage because airport lines were getting a little too long, and you’re talking about next November? Next primary season is the election you need to concern yourself with.

This is why Dems lose. At any hint of momentum, they pull some chickenshit move like this or wax nostalgic for the “bipartisanship” of an era half their base is too young to remember. This collaboration, cowardice and ineptitude depresses voter turnout. Voters know you are LOSERS and won’t fight.

Sisu was awesome. Aspirational too.

Fuck you mean, “keep” fighting? Keep fighting who?

*ribbon cutting ceremony. Damn autocorrect