I got a little bed desk, a tablet to keep doing art work and keep the same workflow as my desktop, and now a steck so I can still prod games. Accommodations for myself still makes me feel inherently guilty, but it's a work in progress and I'm making steps at least.

It adds some nice complexities, I think. I also added a bit of ginger and red chili flakes to add more punch. Would recommend.

I'm having it with a side of sourdough bread and it's lovely.

Always a good idea! The world needs more porn in it, especially these days.

Oh yeah, that's the good stuff. Love how detailed these things can get.

What's more important is that I can follow my whims without any expectations. I am who I am regardless. I shape who I am, not my body, not my clothes, not society.

But? I'm still pretty sure I don't want to be a man. But I do crave to craft my body and my identity into something that fits me and doesn't rub up in bad and uncomfortable ways. Some days I will dress more "fem" and some days more "masc", but to me it's all the same. The options part is important.

But there's something that keeps nagging at me. Every time I read a ftm story or hear about the experience of trans men, I'm hit with a sense of... Longing. Being seen in ways that I couldn't comprehend. And recently I discovered a large dose of envy hiding under all of that.

Fast-forward a number of years later, I recognize my nonbinary-ness but sheepishly dismissed the trans aspect of it. Changing my pronouns opened up a lot of doors for me. I felt less trapped. My meat suit was no longer an ever restrictive curse. It was something I could bend and shape to my whims.

And then came the expectation that I drop my tomboy ways and become a REAL woman. Talks of having children came up and nothing horrified me more.

"Tomboy" was a label that stuck for a long time. I wore my hair short, I wore baggy, unfeminine clothes, I found comfort in connecting and hanging out with boys. It wasn't until I had my first period that I was hit with gender dysphoria.

Since as long as I can remember I bumped up against the label of "girl" pretty hard. It felt like something foreign and ill fitting that was thrust upon me. Expectations were high and I was constantly reminded in ways that I was failing to play my assumed gender.