Here are some better (fake) quotes:

www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/mor...

(including shingles)

Fangirls Nick Fuentes.
Hard pass.

stepping on a lego at the appropriate moment might work

“I did lots of mescaline with Pigpen backstage at the Fillmore while Moby Grape was on. MOBY GRAPE! I got so high I saw Pigpen turn into a ten-story apartment building with expansion possibilities and I swore I would never rent Pigpen to a black family and I never did. MOBY GRAPES!!” 🇺🇸 #Deadhead

I can’t emphasize enough how much I *did not* need to watch this until the end

“Water is tremendously wet from the standpoint of water! Many such cases!” 🇺🇸

Now listen, he’s only 32, bring him back, give him 150 games at first and we’ll see what happens.

www.mlb.com/player/dj-st...

“Support for NPR comes from Der Stürmer. Germany’s most popular magazine is back and better than ever, with provocative takes on politics, society and culture. Learn more at dersturmer dot de.”

This administration is strictly Comic Sans

Hilarious! The Onion never misses! 😅

I’m convinced Bill Murray has been doing a five-decade-long Jed Allan impression, with no sign of letting up.

“I’M TOO BIG TO FAIL! How can I fail when I’m this big!” 🇺🇸🇺🇸

while dressed as a sheik

He may be, but perhaps not for the reasons we are.

Surely your wrist must be sore from all that fist-shaking.

Winner takes on What Makes This Song Stink Guy in the semis.

I hear they’re on Jimmy Fallon tonight

They’re the Flushing Mets again.