I want this to be over with. I am so scarred up.. there’s incision scars all over my chest. Needle scars covering my arms…

Finally feel confidence in myself, I like my appearance, and it just falls back apart on me like some sick joke. I really fucking hate this!!!!!!!!!!!! I really won’t see any good hair regrowth until half a year from now.. god..

I tried to keep it as long as I could but it just keeps falling out more and more.. every time I look where my head was resting there’s another pile of it.. it’s covering my floors.. my clothes.. I really hate this shit I wanna cry so bad

One of the best things to come of it all is I can look into a mirror and smile.. I’ve always hated myself for so long. I’m so glad I learned to love myself.. of course I had help tho

Second and last round of R-ICE next week. I’m ready to get this over with. I just got the chemo port put back in on Tuesday so hopefully the nurses don’t have to stick me 10 times to try and get an IV in. Hopefully my follow up scan at the end of the month shows good response to this stuff..

I’m mostly thankful for my husband.. he truly is the best.. I have never trusted someone more in my life.. I have never been so loved, so supported.. if it wasn’t for him I simply wouldn’t be here today. He’s always been in my life, but he came to me at the best time when I needed him most.. 💙🤍💙

Life really, really fucking sucks sometimes. But I’m not going to let it keep me down anymore. I’m happy with all of my friends and family, that I came out and started HRT, with all the hobbies I’ve picked up this past year..

Happy I found myself.. Happy I am supported.. happy I wasn’t called weird derogatory.. happy I don’t have to suppress it anymore.. it’s nice finally being affirmed in the feelings I’ve had for years. I love being queer.

At least I’m gonna get some cool tattoos for this experience. And the surgical scars on one of my titties make it look kinda cool.. the other was left untouched thank god.

It also fucking sucks that my immune system is non-fucking existent right now, and it’s winter, so I’m trapped here at home all day. Don’t get me wrong, I love what we’ve turned our little shithole apartment into, but I wanna go outside ): I miss my bike..

Of course now that I’m GNC and trying to present neutral/fem is when I lose it. I hate it here, just another one of gods sick and twisted jokes. I’m just glad treatment isn’t gonna be as long as it was the first time.. I really hope this will be the end of it..

🎉🎉🎉

My white blood cell booster’s injecting now.. as soon as it’s done I’m ripping it off and taking a nice warm shower.. it’s gonna feel so good to wash all the sweat from the past few days off me..

2nd one going in.. 2 hours for this stuff.. then the fucking.. Rituximab… dreading that stuff

I hope it’s not so bad this time.. I hope my body still has some resistance to it. It’s a 6 hour infusion… then a 1 hour eposticide.. then 2 hour ifosfamide.. then a final 1 hour hydration.. then I’m DONE with chemo for a few weeks..