Gareth Ceredig
@garethceredig.bsky.social
||: Words-Music :|| Cold Case Crime Cuts / We Forced A Bot / Naked Week / The Skewer and so off. Also plays in orchestras in exchange for money.
Yes, Simon. Conventionally, the precision of an orchestra's playing is indeed "brought home" [???] when they are playing something. Otherwise there would be no playing with which to bring home any precision. What you've done here, matey boy, is describe a thing that couldn't possibly not happen.
November 14, 2025 at 12:09 PM
Yes, Simon. Conventionally, the precision of an orchestra's playing is indeed "brought home" [???] when they are playing something. Otherwise there would be no playing with which to bring home any precision. What you've done here, matey boy, is describe a thing that couldn't possibly not happen.
While we're here... factually, this is garbage. There are loads of performances of the Walton Cello Concerto. Do you want it played at major sporting events too? How about at christenings or autopsies? Also, "manifestly thought profoundly about" is one of the dumbest things anyone has ever written.
November 14, 2025 at 11:36 AM
While we're here... factually, this is garbage. There are loads of performances of the Walton Cello Concerto. Do you want it played at major sporting events too? How about at christenings or autopsies? Also, "manifestly thought profoundly about" is one of the dumbest things anyone has ever written.
Really? It was written in 1957 and revised in 1975, was it? Wow! Fascinating! Amazing! Thank God you took the trouble to look up those dates, Simon. They are so very relevant to whatever non-point you're failing to make, and are in no way a transparent, ham-fisted attempt to pad the word count.
November 14, 2025 at 11:17 AM
Really? It was written in 1957 and revised in 1975, was it? Wow! Fascinating! Amazing! Thank God you took the trouble to look up those dates, Simon. They are so very relevant to whatever non-point you're failing to make, and are in no way a transparent, ham-fisted attempt to pad the word count.
Err... the original version was withdrawn, so this is in fact the normal, standard (i.e. *only*) version, therefore that first sentence is completely f***ing pointless. And the "exuberance" in the piece has got absolutely sod all to do with that, if that's even a thing, which it obviously isn't.
November 14, 2025 at 11:05 AM
Err... the original version was withdrawn, so this is in fact the normal, standard (i.e. *only*) version, therefore that first sentence is completely f***ing pointless. And the "exuberance" in the piece has got absolutely sod all to do with that, if that's even a thing, which it obviously isn't.
Staggeringly insightful. Searingly imaginative. Powerfully relevant. Urgently creative. Violently original. Shudderingly necessary. Thunderingly fine. Such wit and personality in every sentence, the words leaping off the page like Nureyev leaping into a combine harvester.
November 14, 2025 at 10:04 AM
Staggeringly insightful. Searingly imaginative. Powerfully relevant. Urgently creative. Violently original. Shudderingly necessary. Thunderingly fine. Such wit and personality in every sentence, the words leaping off the page like Nureyev leaping into a combine harvester.
"If I say exactly the same thing three different ways," thought Simon, polishing his Classical Music Writer of the Year trophy that he'd made by gluing macaroni and sparkles to a recorder, "I'll sound ever so intelligent *and* fill up that pesky word count. It doesn't even matter if it's nonsense."
November 14, 2025 at 9:51 AM
"If I say exactly the same thing three different ways," thought Simon, polishing his Classical Music Writer of the Year trophy that he'd made by gluing macaroni and sparkles to a recorder, "I'll sound ever so intelligent *and* fill up that pesky word count. It doesn't even matter if it's nonsense."
Seriously, big guy? Walton? "Hidden"? What would you even know about hiding? You couldn't hide behind Blenheim Palace. Also, it's too late to save him - he's dead. Or did you not read that far down the Wikipedia article before you started this latest assault on your weeping typewriter?
November 14, 2025 at 9:33 AM
Seriously, big guy? Walton? "Hidden"? What would you even know about hiding? You couldn't hide behind Blenheim Palace. Also, it's too late to save him - he's dead. Or did you not read that far down the Wikipedia article before you started this latest assault on your weeping typewriter?
Yes, One Battle After Another is outrageously good, but half a point off for missing out the best bit of the book.
October 26, 2025 at 9:12 AM
Yes, One Battle After Another is outrageously good, but half a point off for missing out the best bit of the book.
When you're not sure how to spell "soup"
October 21, 2025 at 3:03 PM
When you're not sure how to spell "soup"
Concerto for Your Grandparents and Orchestra
October 17, 2025 at 6:24 PM
Concerto for Your Grandparents and Orchestra
SECRETARY
Sir? I have Maurice Baron on Line 1.
1920s MUSIC PUBLISHER
[from behind a mountain of cocaine]
Has he finished his new piece?
SECRETARY
Yes, but he says he's not sure about the title, which is--
1920s MUSIC PUBLISHER
Sure, great, whatever, tell him it's f***ing perfect, just print it.
Sir? I have Maurice Baron on Line 1.
1920s MUSIC PUBLISHER
[from behind a mountain of cocaine]
Has he finished his new piece?
SECRETARY
Yes, but he says he's not sure about the title, which is--
1920s MUSIC PUBLISHER
Sure, great, whatever, tell him it's f***ing perfect, just print it.
October 15, 2025 at 3:35 PM
SECRETARY
Sir? I have Maurice Baron on Line 1.
1920s MUSIC PUBLISHER
[from behind a mountain of cocaine]
Has he finished his new piece?
SECRETARY
Yes, but he says he's not sure about the title, which is--
1920s MUSIC PUBLISHER
Sure, great, whatever, tell him it's f***ing perfect, just print it.
Sir? I have Maurice Baron on Line 1.
1920s MUSIC PUBLISHER
[from behind a mountain of cocaine]
Has he finished his new piece?
SECRETARY
Yes, but he says he's not sure about the title, which is--
1920s MUSIC PUBLISHER
Sure, great, whatever, tell him it's f***ing perfect, just print it.
THE DAILY TELEGRAPH:
Waaah! The BBC is dumbing down classical music! Waaah! Radio 3 told me to relax and now I'm Jeremy Corbyn! Waaah! Shame on the sick BBC for reducing great culture to banal garbage! Waaah!
ALSO THE DAILY TELEGRAPH:
Waaah! The BBC is dumbing down classical music! Waaah! Radio 3 told me to relax and now I'm Jeremy Corbyn! Waaah! Shame on the sick BBC for reducing great culture to banal garbage! Waaah!
ALSO THE DAILY TELEGRAPH:
October 14, 2025 at 9:49 AM
THE DAILY TELEGRAPH:
Waaah! The BBC is dumbing down classical music! Waaah! Radio 3 told me to relax and now I'm Jeremy Corbyn! Waaah! Shame on the sick BBC for reducing great culture to banal garbage! Waaah!
ALSO THE DAILY TELEGRAPH:
Waaah! The BBC is dumbing down classical music! Waaah! Radio 3 told me to relax and now I'm Jeremy Corbyn! Waaah! Shame on the sick BBC for reducing great culture to banal garbage! Waaah!
ALSO THE DAILY TELEGRAPH:
Meanwhile, on Platform 5 at Milton Keynes Central...
October 3, 2025 at 5:38 PM
Meanwhile, on Platform 5 at Milton Keynes Central...
The new Northern Ballet conducting fellow arriving for work.
August 12, 2025 at 9:31 AM
The new Northern Ballet conducting fellow arriving for work.
Northern Ballet, having recently ditched their live orchestra, now crowing about offering a "rare opportunity" to conduct a ballet. Must have own Spotify Premium account.
August 12, 2025 at 9:28 AM
Northern Ballet, having recently ditched their live orchestra, now crowing about offering a "rare opportunity" to conduct a ballet. Must have own Spotify Premium account.
Cannonball Udderley [turns gun on self]
August 10, 2025 at 7:59 PM
Cannonball Udderley [turns gun on self]
-Wildly talented, wildly inconsistent.
-Lots of big swings, lots of big misses, but every now and again everything would line up absolutely perfectly and he'd hit it into orbit.
-Occasionally embarrassing, often infuriating, never boring.
-Kept going way longer than anyone expected.
-Lots of big swings, lots of big misses, but every now and again everything would line up absolutely perfectly and he'd hit it into orbit.
-Occasionally embarrassing, often infuriating, never boring.
-Kept going way longer than anyone expected.
August 2, 2025 at 10:12 AM
-Wildly talented, wildly inconsistent.
-Lots of big swings, lots of big misses, but every now and again everything would line up absolutely perfectly and he'd hit it into orbit.
-Occasionally embarrassing, often infuriating, never boring.
-Kept going way longer than anyone expected.
-Lots of big swings, lots of big misses, but every now and again everything would line up absolutely perfectly and he'd hit it into orbit.
-Occasionally embarrassing, often infuriating, never boring.
-Kept going way longer than anyone expected.
Are they jousting?
July 16, 2025 at 10:52 AM
Are they jousting?
Journa. F***ing. Lism.
July 14, 2025 at 9:05 AM
Journa. F***ing. Lism.
Well, there it is. The least accurate thing ever printed in the Daily Telegraph (Home of the Whopper®).
June 30, 2025 at 5:56 PM
Well, there it is. The least accurate thing ever printed in the Daily Telegraph (Home of the Whopper®).
Went to see Trooping the Colour. Looks better on TV. Won't bother next year.
June 14, 2025 at 3:31 PM
Went to see Trooping the Colour. Looks better on TV. Won't bother next year.
[to the tune of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles]
🎵Glasgow Queen Street's Clamped Piano🎵
🎵Glasgow Queen Street's Clamped Piano🎵
June 12, 2025 at 9:04 AM
[to the tune of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles]
🎵Glasgow Queen Street's Clamped Piano🎵
🎵Glasgow Queen Street's Clamped Piano🎵
Luddite says what?
June 6, 2025 at 6:08 AM
Luddite says what?