I've managed to make friends with only a handful of neighbors over the years and they all owned dogs. This makes makes perfect sense to me.

For lessons on how to become a beloved golden god to someone who will manage to draw (cringy) cheers when you're injured, follow a Green Bay Quarterback.

When Britney's "Lucky" plays in the gay bar and everyone instinctually makes a knocking motion during *that* part... oh how I've missed my gays.

I have a tendancy to pronounce words in my own weird way, so sometimes the only recognizable thing that comes out my mouth is 'idosyncractic'.

The dress code for the new bar is "branded t-shirt (modified however you want), non-slip shoes, and 'any pants that cover your junk and asshole' (no jockstraps)"
😳

Starting a bartending job opening up a new gay bar and "Padam" comes on and I'm just like "oh no, I just got this song out of my head."
*other bartender who just left a different gay bar looks deep into my eyes* "It will never leave your head again. Padam every day. Padam." *thousand-yard stare*

So my cousin's grandson is on the spectrum and nonverbal. The kid glommed onto me last visit and my cousin is like "wow, he usually doesn't like other people."

It's not because of mysterious connection, he was just after my stim bracelet (I'm going to bring extra next visit)

Ah, Help!! I've found myself stuck down a James Corden internet rabbithole and it's terrible *wipes away a tear and sniffles* he's just so awful.

I may be biased against the Catholic church because of the *gestures broadly* but The Pope's Exorcist is so funny. I laughed out loud multiple times.

My rock tumbler kit keeps trying to bill itself as a hobby, but it's more of a white noise machine that spits out shiny rocks every other month.

Someone brought up a what/if of Brittany Murphy in the role of Harley Quinn and that will now haunt me.

The Wikipedia entry for "thirst trap" includes a picture captioned "a shirtless man taking a bathroom selfie"... which is so on point I could cry.