my child referred to me as "OP" today

If I was in that house with that McCallister kid, it wouldn’t have went down like it did. There would have been a lot of blood in that house and then me saying, "OK, Marv we killed the kid and can now steal the TV, don’t worry."

I'm positive u can't clean shit without water or some wet relative of water, drycleaners officially on blast and can kiss my ass #scammers

Are dentists mad that gum is called gum? Cause dentists love gums? And gum is bad for gums? I feel bad for dentist

sabrina the teenage witch can stop time but generally solves her problems via magically changing outfits #girlboss