I can’t believe a Bond villain hasn’t thought of this already: The only thing that could derail James Bond is his need to seduce all the other James Bonds.

Federally mandated brunch with a loaner American Girl Doll in the American Girl Doll Cafe at the end of a National Guard bayonet.
“So, um, Kit, y-you uh grew up during the Depression? W-what was that l-like?”

That and dangerously splintering poultry bones: it’s all they’ve ever wanted.

“See now: broads point their radium-soaked brushes like this *rolls daintily on lips* while guys point their radium-tipped brushes like this *rolls brusquely on cargo pants*.”

I know it probably didn’t sound like this on the stand, but it’s hard to read this without assuming the inflection was the same as the “Leave Britney alone!” meme.

👏🏻 Spectacular 👏🏻

Well, it’s done SOMETHING because my balls have started fading out of all of my photographs!

Some folks believe time is a flat circle. Test this by punching Now-Ben in the balls and see if Past-Ben doubles over and wheezes an apology to you.

Guys, I think the moral arc of the universe is figuring its shit out.

Not tweet, whatever this shit is.

He read your tweet in the 83rd minute. Cracking outbreak of agriculture tackling.