Dan Burt
@danburt.bsky.social
Writer (humor, horror, haiku, senryū), runner, and reader. Auburn University Montgomery alumnus. World's oldest wunderkind. USAF veteran. Left-handed.
Pinned
Dan Burt
@danburt.bsky.social
· Feb 8
Most bullshit today isn't classy enough to be called balderdash.
My wife called me at work and I asked her "did you get the drugs?," sounding like a guy who needed a fix instead of just inquiring about prescriptions. Since I work for the government, I'm expecting a random drug test notice soon.
July 9, 2025 at 10:45 PM
My wife called me at work and I asked her "did you get the drugs?," sounding like a guy who needed a fix instead of just inquiring about prescriptions. Since I work for the government, I'm expecting a random drug test notice soon.
Watched a young couple on YouTube listening to Fleetwood Mac's The Chain for the first time. When the singing started, one of them said, "They're taking us to church!" and all I was picturing was Stevie leading them into the woods where her coven was gathered.
July 3, 2025 at 4:13 AM
Watched a young couple on YouTube listening to Fleetwood Mac's The Chain for the first time. When the singing started, one of them said, "They're taking us to church!" and all I was picturing was Stevie leading them into the woods where her coven was gathered.
While looking at sofas at the flea market, my wife sat on one and almost fell through to another dimension. I barely had time to grab her hand and pull her out of the portal before she was lost forever. Caveat emptor!
July 1, 2025 at 11:28 PM
While looking at sofas at the flea market, my wife sat on one and almost fell through to another dimension. I barely had time to grab her hand and pull her out of the portal before she was lost forever. Caveat emptor!
At the flea market today, I rubbed this weird-shaped lamp thinking it had a regular genie inside but instead a jinn popped out. It attached to me and now it's in my house haunting my man cave.
June 30, 2025 at 12:17 AM
At the flea market today, I rubbed this weird-shaped lamp thinking it had a regular genie inside but instead a jinn popped out. It attached to me and now it's in my house haunting my man cave.
The ensemble I'm wearing today--dark gray corduroy pants; black and gray thin striped t-shirt; and black shoes--I call "hoary beatnik poet."
June 26, 2025 at 7:34 PM
The ensemble I'm wearing today--dark gray corduroy pants; black and gray thin striped t-shirt; and black shoes--I call "hoary beatnik poet."
The ensemble I'm wearing today--brown, corduroy pants; green, short-sleeved, button-down shirt; and white shoes--I call "old man mall walker."
June 25, 2025 at 8:54 PM
The ensemble I'm wearing today--brown, corduroy pants; green, short-sleeved, button-down shirt; and white shoes--I call "old man mall walker."
I haven't used my guillotine hardly at all in the last few years. I just have clothes draped on it.
June 11, 2025 at 11:13 PM
I haven't used my guillotine hardly at all in the last few years. I just have clothes draped on it.
The star on my house is simply a decoration with no special purpose other than to pay homage to the star-shaped headed cosmic creatures of the Antarctica mentioned in Lovecraft's At the Mountains of Madness.
June 9, 2025 at 4:11 AM
The star on my house is simply a decoration with no special purpose other than to pay homage to the star-shaped headed cosmic creatures of the Antarctica mentioned in Lovecraft's At the Mountains of Madness.
A preview of my retirement plans: hanging out at the swamp.
June 3, 2025 at 10:48 PM
A preview of my retirement plans: hanging out at the swamp.
I wondered if God was calling me but my phone said it was likely a scam.
May 23, 2025 at 6:08 PM
I wondered if God was calling me but my phone said it was likely a scam.
We may need to switch our primary family exorcist. Nowadays when casting out demons, he seems to rely too much on ivermectin.
May 23, 2025 at 3:30 AM
We may need to switch our primary family exorcist. Nowadays when casting out demons, he seems to rely too much on ivermectin.
I bet there are just as many women serial killers as men, but we don't know about them because they are too smart to get caught.
May 22, 2025 at 6:47 PM
I bet there are just as many women serial killers as men, but we don't know about them because they are too smart to get caught.
I can't believe the GOP's big, beautiful bill includes two billion dollars to investigate Benghazi!
May 22, 2025 at 6:03 PM
I can't believe the GOP's big, beautiful bill includes two billion dollars to investigate Benghazi!
At physical therapy today, I had to stand on the balance board. I was wobbling all over the place like I was dancing to Bob Marley's Jammin' (which was playing on the radio).
May 21, 2025 at 10:14 PM
At physical therapy today, I had to stand on the balance board. I was wobbling all over the place like I was dancing to Bob Marley's Jammin' (which was playing on the radio).
Time flies! The kid stars who were popular when I was a young adult are now older than me!
May 17, 2025 at 2:54 AM
Time flies! The kid stars who were popular when I was a young adult are now older than me!
My training program to get in shape and use my four years of NCAA college athletic eligibility at 62 has hit a snag. I'm limping around with a foot injury. Man, I could use some of that NIL money I was counting on.
April 22, 2025 at 7:03 PM
My training program to get in shape and use my four years of NCAA college athletic eligibility at 62 has hit a snag. I'm limping around with a foot injury. Man, I could use some of that NIL money I was counting on.
Wow, Trump just signed an executive order proclaiming the New Jersey Generals Super Bowl LIX champs.
February 10, 2025 at 4:54 AM
Wow, Trump just signed an executive order proclaiming the New Jersey Generals Super Bowl LIX champs.
Most bullshit today isn't classy enough to be called balderdash.
February 8, 2025 at 2:07 AM
Most bullshit today isn't classy enough to be called balderdash.
Reposted by Dan Burt
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@tadethompson.bsky.social when I was perusing the internets this morning, I discovered this meme circulating on Imgur
January 27, 2025 at 3:51 PM
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Being married 40 years can change a guy. I mean, literally. Not only did I become an Auburn fan, but ancestry dot com now says I'm 8 percent German! I blame my Auburn-loving, German-born wife.
December 12, 2024 at 2:14 PM
Being married 40 years can change a guy. I mean, literally. Not only did I become an Auburn fan, but ancestry dot com now says I'm 8 percent German! I blame my Auburn-loving, German-born wife.
Lately I've become obsessed with trail running. On Thanksgiving morning, I went to a local nature preserve to get some exercise before the meal. The morning was dark and misty, the woods kind of creepy. Then the sun shone through the trees and ruined the mood. I still had a good workout though.
December 5, 2024 at 2:34 PM
Lately I've become obsessed with trail running. On Thanksgiving morning, I went to a local nature preserve to get some exercise before the meal. The morning was dark and misty, the woods kind of creepy. Then the sun shone through the trees and ruined the mood. I still had a good workout though.
Lately my physical fitness routine has been watching videos about what exercises people over the age of fifty should not do.
November 23, 2024 at 8:06 PM
Lately my physical fitness routine has been watching videos about what exercises people over the age of fifty should not do.
My wife thinks I'm a vampire because when we were first married, she said she tried to wake me once and I opened my eyes, exposed my fangs, and hissed at her. Also, because I was born in 1862.
November 21, 2024 at 5:15 PM
My wife thinks I'm a vampire because when we were first married, she said she tried to wake me once and I opened my eyes, exposed my fangs, and hissed at her. Also, because I was born in 1862.