The Daily Pratchett
@dailypratchett.bsky.social
Daily quotes from the Discworld novels by Terry Pratchett. Compiled by @DiscoPriest. Not automated. Suggestions welcome.
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“You took an oath to uphold the law and defend the citizens without fear or favor, and to protect the innocent. That’s all they put in. Maybe they thought those were the important things. Nothing in there about orders, even from me. You’re an officer of the law, not a soldier of the government.”
“There were rules. When you had a Guild of Assassins, there had to be rules that everyone knew and that were never, ever broken.*
November 8, 2025 at 3:15 AM
“There were rules. When you had a Guild of Assassins, there had to be rules that everyone knew and that were never, ever broken.*
“‘Stop the kid ringing the damn bell, will you?’
‘Knock it off, Lance Constable,’ Vimes muttered. The noise had worked, anyway. This little tableau had a silent audience now.“
‘Knock it off, Lance Constable,’ Vimes muttered. The noise had worked, anyway. This little tableau had a silent audience now.“
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September 18, 2025 at 3:33 AM
“‘Stop the kid ringing the damn bell, will you?’
‘Knock it off, Lance Constable,’ Vimes muttered. The noise had worked, anyway. This little tableau had a silent audience now.“
‘Knock it off, Lance Constable,’ Vimes muttered. The noise had worked, anyway. This little tableau had a silent audience now.“
“‘And, of course, any citizen has the right to bear arms. Bear that in mind, please.’
‘Arms is one thing. Holding weapons in ’em and playing soldiers is another.’l
‘Arms is one thing. Holding weapons in ’em and playing soldiers is another.’l
July 6, 2025 at 4:55 AM
“‘And, of course, any citizen has the right to bear arms. Bear that in mind, please.’
‘Arms is one thing. Holding weapons in ’em and playing soldiers is another.’l
‘Arms is one thing. Holding weapons in ’em and playing soldiers is another.’l
“Taxation, gentlemen, is very much like dairy farming. The task is to extract the maximum amount of milk with the minimum of moo. And I am afraid to say that these days all I get is moo.”
June 30, 2025 at 4:51 AM
“Taxation, gentlemen, is very much like dairy farming. The task is to extract the maximum amount of milk with the minimum of moo. And I am afraid to say that these days all I get is moo.”
“People’d live for ages side by side, nodding at one another amicably on their way to work every day, and then some trivial thing would happen and someone would be having a garden fork removed from their ear.”
June 24, 2025 at 2:06 AM
“People’d live for ages side by side, nodding at one another amicably on their way to work every day, and then some trivial thing would happen and someone would be having a garden fork removed from their ear.”
“To all the fighters for peace”
June 22, 2025 at 5:57 AM
“To all the fighters for peace”
“If the Creator had said, ‘Let there be light’ in Ankh-Morpork, he’d have got no further because of all the people saying ‘What color?’’’
June 16, 2025 at 5:21 AM
“If the Creator had said, ‘Let there be light’ in Ankh-Morpork, he’d have got no further because of all the people saying ‘What color?’’’
“‘The Patrician’s a supreme ruler.’
‘But he doesn’t wear a crown or sit on a throne and he doesn’t tell you it’s right that he should rule.’”
‘But he doesn’t wear a crown or sit on a throne and he doesn’t tell you it’s right that he should rule.’”
June 14, 2025 at 2:59 PM
“‘The Patrician’s a supreme ruler.’
‘But he doesn’t wear a crown or sit on a throne and he doesn’t tell you it’s right that he should rule.’”
‘But he doesn’t wear a crown or sit on a throne and he doesn’t tell you it’s right that he should rule.’”
“You took an oath to uphold the law and defend the citizens without fear or favor, and to protect the innocent. That’s all they put in. Maybe they thought those were the important things. Nothing in there about orders, even from me. You’re an officer of the law, not a soldier of the government.”
June 13, 2025 at 10:33 PM
“You took an oath to uphold the law and defend the citizens without fear or favor, and to protect the innocent. That’s all they put in. Maybe they thought those were the important things. Nothing in there about orders, even from me. You’re an officer of the law, not a soldier of the government.”
“Being a copper only worked when people let it work. If they refocused and realized you were just another standard idiot with a pennyworth of metal for a badge, you could end up as a smear on the pavement.”
June 13, 2025 at 12:03 AM
“Being a copper only worked when people let it work. If they refocused and realized you were just another standard idiot with a pennyworth of metal for a badge, you could end up as a smear on the pavement.”
“Who really knew what evil lurked in the hearts of men?
ME.
Who knew what sane men were capable of?
STILL ME, I’M AFRAID.”
ME.
Who knew what sane men were capable of?
STILL ME, I’M AFRAID.”
June 12, 2025 at 4:00 AM
“Who really knew what evil lurked in the hearts of men?
ME.
Who knew what sane men were capable of?
STILL ME, I’M AFRAID.”
ME.
Who knew what sane men were capable of?
STILL ME, I’M AFRAID.”
“The city doesn’t stop, you see. It’s not like a battlefield. The best place for urban fighting is right out in the countryside, sir, where there’s nothing else in the way.”
June 11, 2025 at 8:23 PM
“The city doesn’t stop, you see. It’s not like a battlefield. The best place for urban fighting is right out in the countryside, sir, where there’s nothing else in the way.”
“Vimes wondered what was going on. He wondered if anyone out there was taking care of business.”
June 10, 2025 at 2:53 AM
“Vimes wondered what was going on. He wondered if anyone out there was taking care of business.”
Reposted by The Daily Pratchett
“‘Who sent yer?’
‘I come from the city,’ said the figure, drawing a thin, silvery sword.
‘Who are yer?’
‘Think of me as…your future.’”
‘I come from the city,’ said the figure, drawing a thin, silvery sword.
‘Who are yer?’
‘Think of me as…your future.’”
August 4, 2023 at 1:40 AM
“‘Who sent yer?’
‘I come from the city,’ said the figure, drawing a thin, silvery sword.
‘Who are yer?’
‘Think of me as…your future.’”
‘I come from the city,’ said the figure, drawing a thin, silvery sword.
‘Who are yer?’
‘Think of me as…your future.’”
“That was what civilization meant. It meant the city.”
June 8, 2025 at 1:54 AM
“That was what civilization meant. It meant the city.”
“‘Are we taking the law into our own hands again, Sarge?’
Vimes stared at the entrance to Cable Street, and was aware of the weight of the cigar case in his pocket.
‘Yes, Fred,’ he said. ‘Only this time we’re going to squeeze’.”
Vimes stared at the entrance to Cable Street, and was aware of the weight of the cigar case in his pocket.
‘Yes, Fred,’ he said. ‘Only this time we’re going to squeeze’.”
June 8, 2025 at 1:09 AM
“‘Are we taking the law into our own hands again, Sarge?’
Vimes stared at the entrance to Cable Street, and was aware of the weight of the cigar case in his pocket.
‘Yes, Fred,’ he said. ‘Only this time we’re going to squeeze’.”
Vimes stared at the entrance to Cable Street, and was aware of the weight of the cigar case in his pocket.
‘Yes, Fred,’ he said. ‘Only this time we’re going to squeeze’.”
“Two types of people laugh at the law; those that break it and those that make it.”
June 1, 2024 at 4:43 AM
“Two types of people laugh at the law; those that break it and those that make it.”
“A woman’s voice said, ‘He’s awake.’
‘Are you sure?’ said a man’s voice. ‘How can you tell?’
‘Because I’m good at telling if a man is asleep,’ said the woman.”
‘Are you sure?’ said a man’s voice. ‘How can you tell?’
‘Because I’m good at telling if a man is asleep,’ said the woman.”
May 10, 2024 at 5:21 AM
“A woman’s voice said, ‘He’s awake.’
‘Are you sure?’ said a man’s voice. ‘How can you tell?’
‘Because I’m good at telling if a man is asleep,’ said the woman.”
‘Are you sure?’ said a man’s voice. ‘How can you tell?’
‘Because I’m good at telling if a man is asleep,’ said the woman.”
“The gonne gave you power from outside. You didn’t use it, it used you.”
April 21, 2024 at 4:33 AM
“The gonne gave you power from outside. You didn’t use it, it used you.”
“This cemetery of Small Gods was for the people who didn’t know what happened next. They didn’t know what they believed in or if there was life after death and, often, they didn’t know what hit them.”
March 8, 2024 at 6:57 AM
“This cemetery of Small Gods was for the people who didn’t know what happened next. They didn’t know what they believed in or if there was life after death and, often, they didn’t know what hit them.”
“Now we sing dis stupid song!
Sing it as we run along!
Why we sing dis we don’t know!
We can’t make der words rhyme prop’ly!”
Sing it as we run along!
Why we sing dis we don’t know!
We can’t make der words rhyme prop’ly!”
March 7, 2024 at 4:19 AM
“Now we sing dis stupid song!
Sing it as we run along!
Why we sing dis we don’t know!
We can’t make der words rhyme prop’ly!”
Sing it as we run along!
Why we sing dis we don’t know!
We can’t make der words rhyme prop’ly!”
“‘I should loosen her corsets, if I was you,’ she said as she ambled past.
‘Good heavens, madam, there’s enough panic in here as it is!’”
‘Good heavens, madam, there’s enough panic in here as it is!’”
February 21, 2024 at 4:08 AM
“‘I should loosen her corsets, if I was you,’ she said as she ambled past.
‘Good heavens, madam, there’s enough panic in here as it is!’”
‘Good heavens, madam, there’s enough panic in here as it is!’”
“HO. HO. HO.”
December 25, 2023 at 2:46 AM
“HO. HO. HO.”
“And fools made fools of all of us as we fought to stop a war, until the disgusted sky washed us away.”
December 24, 2023 at 3:36 AM
“And fools made fools of all of us as we fought to stop a war, until the disgusted sky washed us away.”