Ramzey has canonically cooked food that impressed gods. He's going to be fine.

Mucking about in Paint is free and easy and does not evaporate an entire river per use.

Marriage level: S+++

So right out the gate, we have:
A list of impossible feats eclipsing anything she could achieve in game
A huge cast of characters she can reasonably claim to know everything about if I decide to use them
A self-contained story arc that has nothing to do with any other PC or the overarching plot

... her way out of her father's castle, swearing to return one day and take revenge on him for everything he made her do.

This was a level 1 character.

She also came complete with a cast of about 6 named NPCs with highly developed backstories of their own and complex relationships between them.

Let me tell you about the worst backstory I ever saw.

Dhampir barbarian with Noble background. Raised as a living weapon by her vampire father, set loose upon the peasants to keep them in line. Routinely slaughtered entire villages as a show of force. Eventually had a change of heart and fought...

Those stories meant so much to me as a kid, but the instant I realised what a shitty person she is, I threw them away and never looked back. It really is that simple.

I've never encountered a problem at the table that wouldn't have been solved by these two rules. You've nailed it.

Teabagging means something different now, right?

...right?

Some folks really think everything they see on social media is personally addressed to them and needs a response.

Goblins love technicalities almost as much as they hate horses. Like how they can't stand dogs but they love wolves and "goblin dogs".

That sounds painful. And quite in line with most of what I've heard about Outlaws of Alkenstar.

This glorious idiot (with +5 Int) really said "guys it's okay we don't have to fight this" and was 3 rooms away by the end of his next turn. When the fastest party member decides to run off alone, there really isn't much anyone can do about it.

Presumably the people acting so outraged about not trusting players are the exact players who can be trusted.

Holy shit it's horrible [approving]

That's how I would do it too.