The cat I’m cat-sitting right now pushed open the bedroom door during an appointment I had earlier and now he won’t even come near me. I’ve tried explaining that I’m actually vers, but he gives back nothing but pity and scorn.

ptown pootown

You know that feeling when you fuck up your rotator cuff and fifteen years later still can’t press more than 60 pounds so you have to resign yourself to being a fat loser forever because going to the gym is just a demoralizing waste of time

Right when I was starting to think that that massage was going to be whomp whomp, I hear “I’m just going to get up on the table now, hands on your shoulder blades and my knees between yours. This is Thai”.

I don’t like to name and shame, but if you’re ever looking to play indoor tennis in Barnstable County, MA, Willy’s Gym in Eastham is a hotbed of drama.

Love that my Blocked list is basically just 150 diaper guys and ICE

I’ll spare everyone the footage, but believe me when I say that 24” is quite a lot.

To this day one of my big fears is getting trapped in a fridge and suffocating, but I think maybe that was just a fantastical situation concocted by the Punky Brewster writers?

fuck fuck tried a new exfoliator tonight on advice from one of my worst friends and results were not as predicted

Mods took down an account I was following that was exclusively posting homoerotic AI gifs of Riker and O’Brien from Star Trek as rugby-build bears with visible back hair, PG-13 exploring each others bodies.

What ever happened to FUN?

Going to get myself an official warning wearing this Xmas gift at the tennis club next week.

It’s my fortieth birthday. I’ve eschewed thanksgiving obligations this year and, as is custom, have locked myself in the east wing to await death alone in quiet contemplation 🥴

Yentl in the streets, Nuts in the sheets