Chris Brain
@chrisbrain.bsky.social
Comedian:
Least successful winner of the Billy T Award.
The Hardliest Working Man In Showbiz.
Huge ego. Low self-esteem.
Least successful winner of the Billy T Award.
The Hardliest Working Man In Showbiz.
Huge ego. Low self-esteem.
I had no idea that FIFA had a "Never Came Close To Participation" trophy. So woke now.
December 6, 2025 at 12:21 AM
I had no idea that FIFA had a "Never Came Close To Participation" trophy. So woke now.
I'm really feeling the Christmas spirit*
*deeply depressed.
*deeply depressed.
December 6, 2025 at 12:14 AM
I'm really feeling the Christmas spirit*
*deeply depressed.
*deeply depressed.
Must be a bunch of super-gakked marlin off the coast of Venezuela right now.
December 5, 2025 at 3:22 AM
Must be a bunch of super-gakked marlin off the coast of Venezuela right now.
I'm faking fake it till I make it.
December 5, 2025 at 1:06 AM
I'm faking fake it till I make it.
I'm sorry. I've been trying all day to assemble this IKEA opens in Auckland joke, but I lost the instructions and now this feels rickety af with all these extra words leftover cardigan radiator mollusc hovercraft scalpel hacky punt.
December 4, 2025 at 9:21 AM
I'm sorry. I've been trying all day to assemble this IKEA opens in Auckland joke, but I lost the instructions and now this feels rickety af with all these extra words leftover cardigan radiator mollusc hovercraft scalpel hacky punt.
93% of being an adult with myriad mental & substance issues is learning the acronyms. CBT, DBT, ACT, EMDR, DSM, DXM, MDD, GAD, SAD, SAD, (not that one), SAD (yes, that's 3), AA/NA, PCP, E, MDMA, THC, GHB, LSD, PTSD, ADHD, SUD, AUD, ACCEPTS, IMPROVE, TIPP, STOP, FAST, GIVE, & die!
December 4, 2025 at 7:51 AM
93% of being an adult with myriad mental & substance issues is learning the acronyms. CBT, DBT, ACT, EMDR, DSM, DXM, MDD, GAD, SAD, SAD, (not that one), SAD (yes, that's 3), AA/NA, PCP, E, MDMA, THC, GHB, LSD, PTSD, ADHD, SUD, AUD, ACCEPTS, IMPROVE, TIPP, STOP, FAST, GIVE, & die!
Ozempic sounds great in theory, but you've got to see your GP, schlep to the pharmacy, make space in the refrigerator to store it, remember to administer it EVERY WEEK, go to the fridge and unpack a dose, inject it into your body, clean up, go back to the sofa. Too hard basket.
December 4, 2025 at 5:56 AM
Ozempic sounds great in theory, but you've got to see your GP, schlep to the pharmacy, make space in the refrigerator to store it, remember to administer it EVERY WEEK, go to the fridge and unpack a dose, inject it into your body, clean up, go back to the sofa. Too hard basket.
I'm a figment of your imagination and I hold you solely responsible. Send reparations.
December 4, 2025 at 4:40 AM
I'm a figment of your imagination and I hold you solely responsible. Send reparations.
I can't help but feel this meeting could have been an email, or a moment in which you came to realise what a monumental waste of my valuable time listening to these moronic ramblings of yours is, or, perhaps most desirable, that lo those many years ago your father had a vasectomy
December 4, 2025 at 4:16 AM
I can't help but feel this meeting could have been an email, or a moment in which you came to realise what a monumental waste of my valuable time listening to these moronic ramblings of yours is, or, perhaps most desirable, that lo those many years ago your father had a vasectomy
Spotify says my most played track is "High Pitch Tinnitus Whine Competing With My Inner Monologue Constantly Telling Me What An Utter Hunk Of Excrement I Am."
14th straight year!
You just don't fuck with a winning formula.
14th straight year!
You just don't fuck with a winning formula.
December 4, 2025 at 2:38 AM
Spotify says my most played track is "High Pitch Tinnitus Whine Competing With My Inner Monologue Constantly Telling Me What An Utter Hunk Of Excrement I Am."
14th straight year!
You just don't fuck with a winning formula.
14th straight year!
You just don't fuck with a winning formula.
Can't come in to work this week. I've got long Y2K.
December 2, 2025 at 6:58 AM
Can't come in to work this week. I've got long Y2K.
Time flies when you fluke not dying young.
December 2, 2025 at 6:48 AM
Time flies when you fluke not dying young.
WARNING! DANGEE WILL ROBINSON!
December 1, 2025 at 11:49 PM
WARNING! DANGEE WILL ROBINSON!
Fun Fact: For in the 1980's Hypervigilance was clinically know as "What the fuck you looking at, cun't!?!?"
December 1, 2025 at 4:25 AM
Fun Fact: For in the 1980's Hypervigilance was clinically know as "What the fuck you looking at, cun't!?!?"
Working in my favour was I was never pretty enough to leave a good-looking corpse, or talented enough for anyone to care. #HappyEndOfMovember
November 30, 2025 at 6:21 AM
Working in my favour was I was never pretty enough to leave a good-looking corpse, or talented enough for anyone to care. #HappyEndOfMovember
Call me when an AI country music star hacks a ride-on mower to buy booze because its wife hid all his car keys.
Call me when AI slop gets sloppy drunk; then I'll engage. #RIPGeorgeJones
Call me when AI slop gets sloppy drunk; then I'll engage. #RIPGeorgeJones
November 30, 2025 at 4:49 AM
Call me when an AI country music star hacks a ride-on mower to buy booze because its wife hid all his car keys.
Call me when AI slop gets sloppy drunk; then I'll engage. #RIPGeorgeJones
Call me when AI slop gets sloppy drunk; then I'll engage. #RIPGeorgeJones
November 29, 2025 at 8:55 PM
I'm concentrates walking down the stairs years old.
November 26, 2025 at 2:01 AM
I'm concentrates walking down the stairs years old.
I. Am. Homeless.
I live in "transitional housing "
There seems to be zero motivation to move me into anything more secure.
I am the next wave of Auckland CBD begger.
I live in "transitional housing "
There seems to be zero motivation to move me into anything more secure.
I am the next wave of Auckland CBD begger.
November 18, 2025 at 9:26 AM
I. Am. Homeless.
I live in "transitional housing "
There seems to be zero motivation to move me into anything more secure.
I am the next wave of Auckland CBD begger.
I live in "transitional housing "
There seems to be zero motivation to move me into anything more secure.
I am the next wave of Auckland CBD begger.
AMCD: Bad Religion, Stranger Than Fiction youtu.be/v-D-fn-Z04w?...
Bad Religion - "21st Century (Digital Boy)"
YouTube video by Bad Religion
youtu.be
November 11, 2025 at 8:27 PM
AMCD: Bad Religion, Stranger Than Fiction youtu.be/v-D-fn-Z04w?...
I guess that's why they're known as the "Filth."
November 11, 2025 at 5:45 AM
I guess that's why they're known as the "Filth."
Type of cloud?
CumuloCuntis
CumuloCuntis
November 11, 2025 at 4:52 AM
Type of cloud?
CumuloCuntis
CumuloCuntis
I'm not smart, but I'm smart enough to know i shouldn't be in charge.
November 10, 2025 at 10:55 PM
I'm not smart, but I'm smart enough to know i shouldn't be in charge.
Spoiler Alert: The Art Of The Deal wins again.
The livestream of the Booker Prize winner announcement starts in about 40 minutes. Watch it on YouTube: www.youtube.com/watch?v=sKu9...
See the shortlisted titles: my.christchurchcitylibraries.com/the-man-book... ^MT
See the shortlisted titles: my.christchurchcitylibraries.com/the-man-book... ^MT
The Booker Prize 2025 Ceremony Livestream
YouTube video by The Booker Prizes
www.youtube.com
November 10, 2025 at 8:52 PM
Spoiler Alert: The Art Of The Deal wins again.
Can't be fucked dying on Everest. Give pootling around in a formerly thoroughbred tax dodge a try.
November 10, 2025 at 8:27 PM
Can't be fucked dying on Everest. Give pootling around in a formerly thoroughbred tax dodge a try.