“Bwah.”

My Star-Tinder date had the legs of a Twi’lek dancing girl, the eyes of a Dathomiri enchantress, and the heart of a Hapan princess.

Yep; turns out she was a serial killer.
Unmatch.

If you come across a two-headed guy named Zaphod Beeblebrox, DO NOT let him borrow your towel.

You’re gonna have to trust me on this one, folks.

His interest piqued, he decided to postpone his exploration of the park. He’s seen a lot over the years, but a seemingly normal person with telekinesis was exceptionally anomalous. He chuckled disarmingly.

“We’ll come on; don’t leave me hanging. How’d you get this ability? Government experiment?”

The statement landed like thunder; an ominous, eldritch non-voice that seemed to come from nowhere and everywhere simultaneously. An atavistic fear prevented him from daring a direct glance at the speaker.
With forced bravado, he risked a response.

“That’s quite the boast. Who are you, exactly?”

"Oh, come on now, you should be quite pleased with yourself to have the King's eye on you."

Learned something new today-

"I'm sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing.
Except at a funeral.

First five people to respond to this post get a cash reward.

People singing “happy birthday” to you feels like experiencing an unskippable ad, but in real life. 😐

A question: You ever feel like you might just be the construct of an unyielding, all-seeing bureaucracy beyond our perception that is molding humanity to its own will and pleasure?
Because you might be.

Hate’s like a cheap gun. If you carry it around with you, it can go off and kill somebody.