I’ve never been accused of either of these things.

Around the same time, in the same place, I was developing my “Highlands” accent.

I assume it must have sounded like a Highlands accent. Actual Scots assumed I was from the Highlands.

This was entirely unconscious of me.

I saw a collection of needles and vomit on my walk from the public car park to the office.

I love the way you sometimes tweet like a Glaswegian, despite being full on RP.

The flatter the better according to every Irish mother.

I’ve actually already bought a pair of reading glasses and lost them. I simply cannot countenance changing the font on my Kindle and phone.

Found it unexpectedly in the local O’Neills store.

No thanks.