🐿️「ck』〔🟢Callie🤎Vi💜〕
@calamityviolet.bsky.social
「🐿️』
I'm no☝️one
🤎🩸🩸🩸
Thank you
#1 @ghostibirb simp
....also, please remember
🤘this world is made of chaos and madness
I'm no☝️one
🤎🩸🩸🩸
Thank you
#1 @ghostibirb simp
....also, please remember
🤘this world is made of chaos and madness
curious to see it wowie
December 9, 2025 at 9:16 PM
curious to see it wowie
Will she be there for it?
Will you?
It's not up 2 me.
I'm just gonna keep working on making the most of it & allowing myself space & belief 2b that extraordinary machine I know I've always been. On being my own favorite person. On holding on to love not just 4 me but every1, #NoMatterWhat
kthxbai
Will you?
It's not up 2 me.
I'm just gonna keep working on making the most of it & allowing myself space & belief 2b that extraordinary machine I know I've always been. On being my own favorite person. On holding on to love not just 4 me but every1, #NoMatterWhat
kthxbai
two people standing on a balcony looking at the stars
Alt: two people standing on a balcony looking at the stars
Anime stars gif
media.tenor.com
December 9, 2025 at 8:50 PM
Will she be there for it?
Will you?
It's not up 2 me.
I'm just gonna keep working on making the most of it & allowing myself space & belief 2b that extraordinary machine I know I've always been. On being my own favorite person. On holding on to love not just 4 me but every1, #NoMatterWhat
kthxbai
Will you?
It's not up 2 me.
I'm just gonna keep working on making the most of it & allowing myself space & belief 2b that extraordinary machine I know I've always been. On being my own favorite person. On holding on to love not just 4 me but every1, #NoMatterWhat
kthxbai
And if she, or you, or any1 else wants 2 believe in that version of myself, the one we call not サイ but simply.. 愛。 If u want to believe in that w me, please do, I beg of you. Just be patient w me. I'm carrying more weight than a person ever should. But I'm getting there, that cunty feeling. Somehow.
a close up of a cartoon character with a headband on his head
Alt: a close up of a cartoon character with a headband on his head
sai Naruto gif
media.tenor.com
December 9, 2025 at 8:50 PM
And if she, or you, or any1 else wants 2 believe in that version of myself, the one we call not サイ but simply.. 愛。 If u want to believe in that w me, please do, I beg of you. Just be patient w me. I'm carrying more weight than a person ever should. But I'm getting there, that cunty feeling. Somehow.
..yes, somehow I'm going to find myself. The gentle, compassionate, loving, thoughtful, kind, patient, playful, funny, creative, artistic, intelligent, humble, simple person buried underneath all of this. Those people there at the shrine, they saw it. They believed. They still do; I love them for it
December 9, 2025 at 8:50 PM
..yes, somehow I'm going to find myself. The gentle, compassionate, loving, thoughtful, kind, patient, playful, funny, creative, artistic, intelligent, humble, simple person buried underneath all of this. Those people there at the shrine, they saw it. They believed. They still do; I love them for it
And if the person I have loved for so long and for so deeply is going to look at me and either refuse to or otherwise be unable to see past that smoke to the very real, very much alive beautiful, loving "peaceful dancer" underneath, then what choice do I have but to walk away for a while?
Somehow..
Somehow..
December 9, 2025 at 8:50 PM
And if the person I have loved for so long and for so deeply is going to look at me and either refuse to or otherwise be unable to see past that smoke to the very real, very much alive beautiful, loving "peaceful dancer" underneath, then what choice do I have but to walk away for a while?
Somehow..
Somehow..
For my part in it I have to believe it. I have to believe in the goodness of my heart. Not blindly no but with a gently critical eye because that aforementioned "smoke monster," the metaphysical metaphorical representation of the compounded trauma & pain I carry, is hidden in almost everything I do.
December 9, 2025 at 8:50 PM
For my part in it I have to believe it. I have to believe in the goodness of my heart. Not blindly no but with a gently critical eye because that aforementioned "smoke monster," the metaphysical metaphorical representation of the compounded trauma & pain I carry, is hidden in almost everything I do.
Idk
I'm just very grateful to the people who believe in me. Who believe in "sai".. and the love they carry. When you strip away all the pain, the trauma, the distrust, at the core of it is just a lonely child looking to share love with everyone. I just want to love and be loved. Will you believe it?
I'm just very grateful to the people who believe in me. Who believe in "sai".. and the love they carry. When you strip away all the pain, the trauma, the distrust, at the core of it is just a lonely child looking to share love with everyone. I just want to love and be loved. Will you believe it?
December 9, 2025 at 8:50 PM
Idk
I'm just very grateful to the people who believe in me. Who believe in "sai".. and the love they carry. When you strip away all the pain, the trauma, the distrust, at the core of it is just a lonely child looking to share love with everyone. I just want to love and be loved. Will you believe it?
I'm just very grateful to the people who believe in me. Who believe in "sai".. and the love they carry. When you strip away all the pain, the trauma, the distrust, at the core of it is just a lonely child looking to share love with everyone. I just want to love and be loved. Will you believe it?
Until we ended up here, again. To a point where her pain could not be ignored, not even by someone selfishly mired in their own insanity (me).
I'm still carrying more demons than I thought. So is she, for her part in it. So yeah, distance might help. Sort out what's real, what's the "smoke monster"
I'm still carrying more demons than I thought. So is she, for her part in it. So yeah, distance might help. Sort out what's real, what's the "smoke monster"
December 9, 2025 at 8:30 PM
Until we ended up here, again. To a point where her pain could not be ignored, not even by someone selfishly mired in their own insanity (me).
I'm still carrying more demons than I thought. So is she, for her part in it. So yeah, distance might help. Sort out what's real, what's the "smoke monster"
I'm still carrying more demons than I thought. So is she, for her part in it. So yeah, distance might help. Sort out what's real, what's the "smoke monster"
..yet it seemed that the disease I carry, the pain, agony, torment, distrust.. was more deeply rooted than I allowed myself to realize. I was still lying to myself. The way I presented my actions to her.. seemed to cause her pain. And the nature of our shared trauma caused us to both be blind to it.
December 9, 2025 at 8:30 PM
..yet it seemed that the disease I carry, the pain, agony, torment, distrust.. was more deeply rooted than I allowed myself to realize. I was still lying to myself. The way I presented my actions to her.. seemed to cause her pain. And the nature of our shared trauma caused us to both be blind to it.
I was finding it through her, too. In the deepest belief of her heart that I could see cleanly and clearly as day. It kept me going, made it so I was able to form connections in that new scary world, make friends, put myself out there and find success & meaning. It was because of her love I did it..
December 9, 2025 at 8:30 PM
I was finding it through her, too. In the deepest belief of her heart that I could see cleanly and clearly as day. It kept me going, made it so I was able to form connections in that new scary world, make friends, put myself out there and find success & meaning. It was because of her love I did it..
I found it again yes, I did, through the belief of those people in that place we call the "shrine" and through the unfaltering unwavering belief of a few rare people like our closest followers (if you're reading this, maybe that's you!), one or two very real friends, and my beautiful amazing family.
December 9, 2025 at 8:21 PM
I found it again yes, I did, through the belief of those people in that place we call the "shrine" and through the unfaltering unwavering belief of a few rare people like our closest followers (if you're reading this, maybe that's you!), one or two very real friends, and my beautiful amazing family.
I need ppl in my life who believe in the person I was working so hard to become, back before the pandemic, back before my parents had to go, back when I was making more money than I knew what to do with. It was a tiny ray of hope back then, but I felt it and I was moving towards it. I found it again
December 9, 2025 at 8:21 PM
I need ppl in my life who believe in the person I was working so hard to become, back before the pandemic, back before my parents had to go, back when I was making more money than I knew what to do with. It was a tiny ray of hope back then, but I felt it and I was moving towards it. I found it again
By my friends, who in my extreme madness I could only cry out for help to in the most vicious ways. They took those cries at face value and just left me there alone in the dark. And I tried to take my own life again and again
I lost everything. And I've spent 2 years now trying to break free of it.
I lost everything. And I've spent 2 years now trying to break free of it.
December 9, 2025 at 8:21 PM
By my friends, who in my extreme madness I could only cry out for help to in the most vicious ways. They took those cries at face value and just left me there alone in the dark. And I tried to take my own life again and again
I lost everything. And I've spent 2 years now trying to break free of it.
I lost everything. And I've spent 2 years now trying to break free of it.
By those landlords, who saw my descent into madness and decided to forget the kind, successful person they remembered from the beginning, and decided it was easier to evict rather than foster healing. I still sometimes imagine what it would be like to watch their house explode into a million pieces.
December 9, 2025 at 8:21 PM
By those landlords, who saw my descent into madness and decided to forget the kind, successful person they remembered from the beginning, and decided it was easier to evict rather than foster healing. I still sometimes imagine what it would be like to watch their house explode into a million pieces.
..by that neighbor, who by profession should have put aside her feelings and approached our pain with compassion.. but chose to view me as a monster bc I was loud and my agony was expressed in unsafe ways. By that roommate, who became so lost in my pain they stopped being honest with us or themself.
December 9, 2025 at 8:21 PM
..by that neighbor, who by profession should have put aside her feelings and approached our pain with compassion.. but chose to view me as a monster bc I was loud and my agony was expressed in unsafe ways. By that roommate, who became so lost in my pain they stopped being honest with us or themself.
I'm trying to break free of this narrative of distrust, paranoia, pain. We were in a vulnerable place back then, two years ago, surrounded by people who didn't understand us. I had just experienced the worst pain of my entire life and felt more alone than ever before. I lost myself. And got blamed..
December 9, 2025 at 8:21 PM
I'm trying to break free of this narrative of distrust, paranoia, pain. We were in a vulnerable place back then, two years ago, surrounded by people who didn't understand us. I had just experienced the worst pain of my entire life and felt more alone than ever before. I lost myself. And got blamed..
..as for what you might realize, I couldn't tell you. But watch out! It might make you actually see me in a flattering light, might make you actually care about my feelings and wellbeing, might make you actually believe in the goodness of my heart and the genuine intent behind my actions & feelings.
December 9, 2025 at 8:21 PM
..as for what you might realize, I couldn't tell you. But watch out! It might make you actually see me in a flattering light, might make you actually care about my feelings and wellbeing, might make you actually believe in the goodness of my heart and the genuine intent behind my actions & feelings.
And if she were to read this, or if anyone who believes in her were to read this, then I would ask: give me the benefit of the doubt, assume I'm sane and of sound mind, assume I mean well, assume my love is pure.
If you can't do that, then just go away. But if you can, you might realize something..
If you can't do that, then just go away. But if you can, you might realize something..
December 9, 2025 at 8:21 PM
And if she were to read this, or if anyone who believes in her were to read this, then I would ask: give me the benefit of the doubt, assume I'm sane and of sound mind, assume I mean well, assume my love is pure.
If you can't do that, then just go away. But if you can, you might realize something..
If you can't do that, then just go away. But if you can, you might realize something..
I've worked so hard to overcome the terrible feelings that brought us here. To figure out what was really me, what wasn't. And if she cherishes what we shared, if she still believes in the beauty of it too, then maybe she'll do the same. And maybe we'll be able to see each other clearly again, then.
December 9, 2025 at 8:21 PM
I've worked so hard to overcome the terrible feelings that brought us here. To figure out what was really me, what wasn't. And if she cherishes what we shared, if she still believes in the beauty of it too, then maybe she'll do the same. And maybe we'll be able to see each other clearly again, then.
I thought we could share in that healing together. Relish in both the shared journies and separate journies, and figure out how to reconnect as people both old & anew, refreshed and ready for a new chapter of life together, stronger than ever.
Maybe that's still possible, but it's not my choice..
Maybe that's still possible, but it's not my choice..
December 9, 2025 at 8:21 PM
I thought we could share in that healing together. Relish in both the shared journies and separate journies, and figure out how to reconnect as people both old & anew, refreshed and ready for a new chapter of life together, stronger than ever.
Maybe that's still possible, but it's not my choice..
Maybe that's still possible, but it's not my choice..
The why of it doesn't even matter at this point. My own desire doesn't even matter at this point. All there is, is the stark truth: to the person I love and have loved so deeply and fully for so long, I've become like an enemy.
So.. I'm gonna give her the space she's demanding and pray for healing.
So.. I'm gonna give her the space she's demanding and pray for healing.
December 9, 2025 at 7:57 PM
The why of it doesn't even matter at this point. My own desire doesn't even matter at this point. All there is, is the stark truth: to the person I love and have loved so deeply and fully for so long, I've become like an enemy.
So.. I'm gonna give her the space she's demanding and pray for healing.
So.. I'm gonna give her the space she's demanding and pray for healing.