@caitlinreese.bsky.social
Which came first? Trump eating like a child or fucking them?
February 4, 2026 at 7:50 PM
Which came first? Trump eating like a child or fucking them?
Everyone is grocery shopping for the storm like they’re pregnant with a football team.
January 23, 2026 at 9:07 PM
Everyone is grocery shopping for the storm like they’re pregnant with a football team.
UPS: Your package is on the way!
UPS: Today is the day!
UPS: Your driver is close!
UPS: Come to the door!
UPS: I said come to the fucking door!
UPS: Your package has been delivered.
UPS: Today is the day!
UPS: Your driver is close!
UPS: Come to the door!
UPS: I said come to the fucking door!
UPS: Your package has been delivered.
January 22, 2026 at 8:03 PM
UPS: Your package is on the way!
UPS: Today is the day!
UPS: Your driver is close!
UPS: Come to the door!
UPS: I said come to the fucking door!
UPS: Your package has been delivered.
UPS: Today is the day!
UPS: Your driver is close!
UPS: Come to the door!
UPS: I said come to the fucking door!
UPS: Your package has been delivered.
What came first? Autism or puns?
January 21, 2026 at 6:48 PM
What came first? Autism or puns?
Preparing 3-4 minutes of new material to present to my family today. If a joke bombs they can remove one item from my plate. If a joke lands I can remove one of them from the house.
November 27, 2025 at 4:11 PM
Preparing 3-4 minutes of new material to present to my family today. If a joke bombs they can remove one item from my plate. If a joke lands I can remove one of them from the house.
From your lips to God’s balls.
November 25, 2025 at 5:38 PM
From your lips to God’s balls.
Normalize “sucking fat toes” to be the answer to all of your security questions.
November 18, 2025 at 5:45 PM
Normalize “sucking fat toes” to be the answer to all of your security questions.
Rewatching my divorce today and believe my videographer nailed it.
November 17, 2025 at 7:57 PM
Rewatching my divorce today and believe my videographer nailed it.
Your health comes and goes but a flight to Cancun is forever.
November 10, 2025 at 4:22 PM
Your health comes and goes but a flight to Cancun is forever.
If you’re going to share your location on Instagram stories, maybe leave the house.
November 9, 2025 at 11:14 PM
If you’re going to share your location on Instagram stories, maybe leave the house.
Pre-Zohran: Sorry, I don’t go to Astoria.
Post-Zohran: Yeah, I’m topless on Steinway right now.
Post-Zohran: Yeah, I’m topless on Steinway right now.
November 5, 2025 at 3:32 PM
Pre-Zohran: Sorry, I don’t go to Astoria.
Post-Zohran: Yeah, I’m topless on Steinway right now.
Post-Zohran: Yeah, I’m topless on Steinway right now.
Does this vote for Zohran Mamdani make my empathy for others look too big?
October 29, 2025 at 7:54 PM
Does this vote for Zohran Mamdani make my empathy for others look too big?
Real sluts must hate all these dumb girls appropriating their culture on Halloween.
October 28, 2025 at 11:39 PM
Real sluts must hate all these dumb girls appropriating their culture on Halloween.
Friend: Do you like my sweater?
Me: If you have to ask, I don’t.
Me: If you have to ask, I don’t.
October 24, 2025 at 7:28 PM
Friend: Do you like my sweater?
Me: If you have to ask, I don’t.
Me: If you have to ask, I don’t.
Urgent care doc said records show I go there at least once a year for cut fingers. I told him tis the season and shook my blood knuckle at him. Happy Halloween bitch.
October 24, 2025 at 4:35 PM
Urgent care doc said records show I go there at least once a year for cut fingers. I told him tis the season and shook my blood knuckle at him. Happy Halloween bitch.
You he only wants the ballroom to have a daddy daughter dance on our dime.
October 23, 2025 at 8:16 PM
You he only wants the ballroom to have a daddy daughter dance on our dime.
This Halloween I’m dressing up as a sexy bank and divesting war bonds.
October 17, 2025 at 4:53 PM
This Halloween I’m dressing up as a sexy bank and divesting war bonds.
Remember when you were seeing two girls and you really wanted one of them but she was playing games so you gave up and went with the other girl? Anyway, crazy ya’ll made it this far. Congrats on the engagement.
October 17, 2025 at 3:53 PM
Remember when you were seeing two girls and you really wanted one of them but she was playing games so you gave up and went with the other girl? Anyway, crazy ya’ll made it this far. Congrats on the engagement.
You ever follow a woman for three blocks because you’re trying to figure out what brand of boot she’s wearing and when you realize you’re never gonna figure it out you just google “unique brown boots” for the rest of your life.
October 15, 2025 at 4:22 PM
You ever follow a woman for three blocks because you’re trying to figure out what brand of boot she’s wearing and when you realize you’re never gonna figure it out you just google “unique brown boots” for the rest of your life.
If my coffee tastes like coffee, I will not drink it. If my men act like men, I will not drink them either.
October 9, 2025 at 4:21 PM
If my coffee tastes like coffee, I will not drink it. If my men act like men, I will not drink them either.
The new state bird of Arkansas is a cicada. I’m adopting many as we speak.
October 4, 2025 at 6:44 PM
The new state bird of Arkansas is a cicada. I’m adopting many as we speak.
My dog needed last minute surgery on her booty and due to a complication will need another tomorrow. I want to start the rumor that I convinced a vet to give my dog a BBL. Tell your friends.
July 31, 2025 at 6:53 PM
My dog needed last minute surgery on her booty and due to a complication will need another tomorrow. I want to start the rumor that I convinced a vet to give my dog a BBL. Tell your friends.
I let my dog bark and lunge at e-bikes on the sidewalk.
July 28, 2025 at 6:06 PM
I let my dog bark and lunge at e-bikes on the sidewalk.
TD Bank wants to crash my pride? No sweat babe, I’m dropping by the bank whenever I feel like it to blast rainbow confetti and throw ass during all the straight months.
June 15, 2025 at 7:07 PM
TD Bank wants to crash my pride? No sweat babe, I’m dropping by the bank whenever I feel like it to blast rainbow confetti and throw ass during all the straight months.