A Shining Wit
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caffeine748.bsky.social
A Shining Wit
@caffeine748.bsky.social
180 followers 85 following 300 posts
I write terrible dad jokes. Not about terrible dads, though.
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caffeine748.bsky.social
I called to make an enquiry about booking a London venue for an event.

Their answer machine said "York Hall is important to us." I put the phone down as I wanted Alexandra Palace.

#LunchPun
December 19, 2025 at 11:59 AM
caffeine748.bsky.social
Rumour has it, following a bitter row, M.C. Hammer and Pete Tong have been going at it for years.

#LunchPun
December 18, 2025 at 12:22 PM
caffeine748.bsky.social
For the third year in a row, I tried to get into my work's Christmas party dressed as a buffet platter.

Foiled again.

#LunchPun
December 17, 2025 at 11:59 AM
caffeine748.bsky.social
I've just been awarded employee of the year at the Royal Mint.

They said I've done a sterling job.

#LunchPun
December 16, 2025 at 11:59 AM
caffeine748.bsky.social
Someone on a dating app said i looked average.

I thought "that's mean"

#Lunchpun
December 15, 2025 at 11:58 AM
caffeine748.bsky.social
It's been a day of ups and downs.

I've got pockets full of cash, but I've also been banned from the pub pool team.

#LunchPun
December 12, 2025 at 11:59 AM
caffeine748.bsky.social
I'm convinced my army of leaf cutters are trying to sing "God Save the King" but don't know the words.

It's the National Ant Hum.

#LunchPun
December 11, 2025 at 11:59 AM
caffeine748.bsky.social
I asked my postman if he was feeling better after a chihuahua attacked him recently.

He said he was a little bit.

#Lunchpun
December 4, 2025 at 12:00 PM
caffeine748.bsky.social
My wife left me because of my obsession with budget supermarkets. She said it wasn't the general fixation as such, but Aldi Lidl things got to her in the end.

#LunchPun
December 3, 2025 at 11:59 AM
caffeine748.bsky.social
My dad's estranged sister is a horrible woman.

Whenever auntie Matter comes round, everyone disappears.

#Lunchpun
December 2, 2025 at 11:59 AM
caffeine748.bsky.social
My friend Emma Great has just moved abroad.

#Lunchpun
November 28, 2025 at 1:00 PM
caffeine748.bsky.social
-"A old scientist i know professes to have discovered an ocean on the moon."

-"Lunar sea?"

-"Yeah I think he's going a bit doo lally"

#LunchPun
November 27, 2025 at 11:59 AM
caffeine748.bsky.social
Outrageous.

Work have turned off all the hand dryers and now we are expected to switch to "pay per towel".

Well, the laptop is going to get wet then.

#LunchPun
November 26, 2025 at 11:59 AM
caffeine748.bsky.social
Our band's gig at the recent opening of the new fried chicken restaurant was cut short when I ate my drumsticks.

#Lunchpun
November 25, 2025 at 12:02 PM
caffeine748.bsky.social
The gang that beat me up last night had me in stitches.

#LunchPun
November 24, 2025 at 11:59 AM
caffeine748.bsky.social
I've got my first acting role in a play called "The Giant with the Broken Leg".

It's nice to finally be part of the cast.

#LunchPun
November 21, 2025 at 12:01 PM
caffeine748.bsky.social
I fell out with my skydiving instructor yesterday.

#LunchPun
November 20, 2025 at 12:03 PM
caffeine748.bsky.social
When a cow vomited on the side of my head, it was moo sick to my ears.

#LunchPun
November 19, 2025 at 11:59 AM
caffeine748.bsky.social
I've written a joke about the world's largest pizza.

It's gonna take some topping.

#LunchPun
November 18, 2025 at 11:58 AM
caffeine748.bsky.social
After someone wired up the trampoline at the gymnastics club to the mains, I did 240 vaults.

#LunchPun
November 17, 2025 at 11:59 AM
caffeine748.bsky.social
Ever since I got sacked from my job at the local upholstery repair company, I've never recovered.

#LunchPun
November 14, 2025 at 11:59 AM
caffeine748.bsky.social
My pot addiction is causing issues between me and my wife.

She says she is fed up of snooker and wants to watch her favourite TV shows instead.

#LunchPun
November 13, 2025 at 11:59 AM
caffeine748.bsky.social
Police last night arrested a man breaking into a local McDonalds after he triggered the burger alarm.

#LunchPun
November 12, 2025 at 12:00 PM
caffeine748.bsky.social
I changed the sign in the office to "Bored Room". No-one has complained.

#Lunchpun
November 11, 2025 at 12:01 PM
caffeine748.bsky.social
My mate was bragging about how he benched 300 yesterday.

He is a terrible football coach.

#Lunchpun
November 10, 2025 at 11:59 AM