yeah i feel like streaming is probably the best way out right now, i just gotta figure out what i'd actually do with said stream

been in this for a few days now, ever since i stopped working on the stream stuff
sitting around doing nothing and maybe watching youtube videos, broken up by nightly vc where i also mostly sit there doing nothing

blungus

time has taught me these feelings probably won't last, and i don't know how much is actual feelings and how much is just genereal yearning, and the last thing i'd want to do is cause problems
but...

so many fond memories of taking the train to my nan's every 3 months, picking up the latest playstation magazine on the way, and playing through the demos there
i don't get nostalgic over my early childhood much but those weeks truly were the highlights of that period of my life

AHA A LETTER
THANKS FLIMBO

but to wrap back around to the original source of this train of thought, when i look at this tephra sprite in veadotube, sleeping and swaying about, i feel like this weird sense as if my soul is, for some brief amount of time, contained within the sprite, my body merely a puppet tethered to it

or something like that, i dunno these feelings can be hard to put into words and i often get carried away in trains of thought until i lose sight of my actual feelings, like the more consciously i think of them the further i drift into increasingly inaccurate rationalisations of the original feeling

i guess the way i'd describe my sense of self is as three facets of a single identity - the inner me who wants to be an isolated and immaterial creative, the otherkin me who wants to be a creature and eat and sleep all day, and the human me who wants to hang out with friends and play videogames

i've always been one to interpret my sense of self on my own terms, rather than studying psychology, but it's interesting to take a look to see how closely my feelings mirror established schools of thought
but things never quite resonate to the degree where i truly feel they represent my feelings

it is evolving into unironic vibes
yeah i might have to try getting into streaming again just to make use of this

honestly it makes me mad how well the distorted title, eyebleed background and tephra doodle work together to give the vibe of some insane breakcore album
...maybe i should actually use this someday