Capnbobfrapples
@benhomewood.bsky.social
Actor. Writer. Pirate.
Wine club. If you know you know.
Wine club. If you know you know.
I have been trying to drive back to France for days now. But snow and ice mean we keep having to postpone.
I am Being held PRISONER in this most united of kingdoms.
In Hampshire/Berkshire. A CAPTIVE.
I am in a pub.
I am Being held PRISONER in this most united of kingdoms.
In Hampshire/Berkshire. A CAPTIVE.
I am in a pub.
January 5, 2026 at 9:52 PM
I have been trying to drive back to France for days now. But snow and ice mean we keep having to postpone.
I am Being held PRISONER in this most united of kingdoms.
In Hampshire/Berkshire. A CAPTIVE.
I am in a pub.
I am Being held PRISONER in this most united of kingdoms.
In Hampshire/Berkshire. A CAPTIVE.
I am in a pub.
2026 and already I have had two weather warnings, 6 mince pies and one obscene thought about Emily the tank engine.
#2026
#2026
January 1, 2026 at 4:52 PM
2026 and already I have had two weather warnings, 6 mince pies and one obscene thought about Emily the tank engine.
#2026
#2026
January 1, 2026 at 1:14 AM
December 29, 2025 at 6:33 PM
This year has been a tricky wank.
December 29, 2025 at 6:03 PM
This year has been a tricky wank.
Hello. It’s that funny time of year between Jesus Christ our lord being born to the world and the return of the one true ring by Cliff Richard to Mordor.
December 29, 2025 at 5:39 PM
Hello. It’s that funny time of year between Jesus Christ our lord being born to the world and the return of the one true ring by Cliff Richard to Mordor.
I remain Christmas dinner.
This is me now.
This is me now.
December 28, 2025 at 5:25 PM
I remain Christmas dinner.
This is me now.
This is me now.
I am Christmas dinner.
December 25, 2025 at 9:33 PM
I am Christmas dinner.
I suppose, in a way, I AM Emperor of Bluesky.
December 25, 2025 at 9:29 PM
I suppose, in a way, I AM Emperor of Bluesky.
Happy Christmas to everyone except builders and plumbers and electricians who casually write on walls instead of paper.
December 25, 2025 at 7:41 AM
Happy Christmas to everyone except builders and plumbers and electricians who casually write on walls instead of paper.
Those three wise men never had to use AI tho did they?
Makes you think.
Makes you think.
December 24, 2025 at 10:22 PM
Those three wise men never had to use AI tho did they?
Makes you think.
Makes you think.
You have to question the ‘wisdom’ of turning up to meet the literal newly born son of god with a bunch of fucking ‘myrrh’ lol
December 24, 2025 at 10:13 PM
You have to question the ‘wisdom’ of turning up to meet the literal newly born son of god with a bunch of fucking ‘myrrh’ lol
When you think about it. The nativity is actually just a story about three wise men following a magic star to give presents to the son of god who was conceived miraculously and then born in a stable!!!
You couldn’t make it up! lol
You couldn’t make it up! lol
December 24, 2025 at 9:02 PM
When you think about it. The nativity is actually just a story about three wise men following a magic star to give presents to the son of god who was conceived miraculously and then born in a stable!!!
You couldn’t make it up! lol
You couldn’t make it up! lol
It’s Christmas and Eve, NOT Christmas and Steve!
December 24, 2025 at 4:02 PM
It’s Christmas and Eve, NOT Christmas and Steve!
The way builders and electricians just casually write shit on actual walls though.
December 20, 2025 at 8:42 AM
The way builders and electricians just casually write shit on actual walls though.
I will be releasing the Epstein files shortly.
December 19, 2025 at 8:17 PM
I will be releasing the Epstein files shortly.
I am going to
Bed.
When I awake. If I
haven’t acquired a million followers at LEAST. I will shit yourself.
Bed.
When I awake. If I
haven’t acquired a million followers at LEAST. I will shit yourself.
December 18, 2025 at 11:31 PM
I am going to
Bed.
When I awake. If I
haven’t acquired a million followers at LEAST. I will shit yourself.
Bed.
When I awake. If I
haven’t acquired a million followers at LEAST. I will shit yourself.
Dyson ‘air blades’ can fuck off. They disgust me.
I’d rather urinate on my children as they slept, than dry my hands with one.
I’d rather urinate on my children as they slept, than dry my hands with one.
December 18, 2025 at 6:27 PM
Dyson ‘air blades’ can fuck off. They disgust me.
I’d rather urinate on my children as they slept, than dry my hands with one.
I’d rather urinate on my children as they slept, than dry my hands with one.
I’m so old now and have been away so long that I am afraid I may completely misjudge the tone on here.
Is it still cool to bully people and laugh at their awful haircuts and trousers and make them cry and wet themselves?
Is it still cool to bully people and laugh at their awful haircuts and trousers and make them cry and wet themselves?
December 18, 2025 at 6:24 PM
I’m so old now and have been away so long that I am afraid I may completely misjudge the tone on here.
Is it still cool to bully people and laugh at their awful haircuts and trousers and make them cry and wet themselves?
Is it still cool to bully people and laugh at their awful haircuts and trousers and make them cry and wet themselves?
I’m back and I bet I’m going to be Brilliant on here.
Follow me. I’m delicious.
(I may make this a catchphrase)
Follow me. I’m delicious.
(I may make this a catchphrase)
December 18, 2025 at 6:18 PM
I’m back and I bet I’m going to be Brilliant on here.
Follow me. I’m delicious.
(I may make this a catchphrase)
Follow me. I’m delicious.
(I may make this a catchphrase)
in other news. I have written a FILM SCRIPT.
It’s a Christmas film! It deals with the usual festive subjects: Pirates, mince pies, assisted dying, feasts and existential trauma.
I am immensely proud of it.
It’s a Christmas film! It deals with the usual festive subjects: Pirates, mince pies, assisted dying, feasts and existential trauma.
I am immensely proud of it.
December 18, 2025 at 6:10 PM
in other news. I have written a FILM SCRIPT.
It’s a Christmas film! It deals with the usual festive subjects: Pirates, mince pies, assisted dying, feasts and existential trauma.
I am immensely proud of it.
It’s a Christmas film! It deals with the usual festive subjects: Pirates, mince pies, assisted dying, feasts and existential trauma.
I am immensely proud of it.
Has anybody mentioned on here how horrible Twitter has become? Probably not. Well let me be the first.
Also. Not one tweet about taramasalata in the past 6 years. Imagine! The place is a fucking bin fire.
Also. Not one tweet about taramasalata in the past 6 years. Imagine! The place is a fucking bin fire.
December 18, 2025 at 6:04 PM
Has anybody mentioned on here how horrible Twitter has become? Probably not. Well let me be the first.
Also. Not one tweet about taramasalata in the past 6 years. Imagine! The place is a fucking bin fire.
Also. Not one tweet about taramasalata in the past 6 years. Imagine! The place is a fucking bin fire.
Hello you disgusting pigs.
So come on. Tell me EVERYTHING.
So come on. Tell me EVERYTHING.
December 18, 2025 at 1:55 PM
Hello you disgusting pigs.
So come on. Tell me EVERYTHING.
So come on. Tell me EVERYTHING.
Today a glass shower screen exploded in my face.
I suppose in a way I had it coming really.
I suppose in a way I had it coming really.
January 22, 2025 at 2:15 PM
Today a glass shower screen exploded in my face.
I suppose in a way I had it coming really.
I suppose in a way I had it coming really.
Who do you have to push of a barn roof around here to get ‘Bluesky famous’?
January 17, 2025 at 9:23 PM
Who do you have to push of a barn roof around here to get ‘Bluesky famous’?