Prediction: ICE will
market its own energy drink.
market its own energy drink.
November 19, 2025 at 8:19 PM
Prediction: ICE will
market its own energy drink.
market its own energy drink.
If you take a piss at 0159 tonight, does it flow back into your bladder a minute later?
November 2, 2025 at 5:34 AM
If you take a piss at 0159 tonight, does it flow back into your bladder a minute later?
Take me back in time to when I thought Salisbury steak was fancy.
October 23, 2025 at 3:51 PM
Take me back in time to when I thought Salisbury steak was fancy.
AI saying “In conclusion…” sometimes feels like the waitperson bringing you your check too early.
October 19, 2025 at 3:59 PM
AI saying “In conclusion…” sometimes feels like the waitperson bringing you your check too early.
Nobody can fake enthusiasm like Jimmy Fallon.
October 17, 2025 at 3:55 AM
Nobody can fake enthusiasm like Jimmy Fallon.
Good voices often do little to make a song meaningful.
October 15, 2025 at 1:17 AM
Good voices often do little to make a song meaningful.
Bingo players are boring as fuck and don’t even cheer when they win.
October 13, 2025 at 6:49 PM
Bingo players are boring as fuck and don’t even cheer when they win.
I guess they want us to think that pedophilia is a upper class pastime like sailing, lacrosse, and classical music.
October 12, 2025 at 1:07 AM
I guess they want us to think that pedophilia is a upper class pastime like sailing, lacrosse, and classical music.
Anyone who posts to social media more than a dozen times a day is sending up flares.
October 7, 2025 at 2:01 PM
Anyone who posts to social media more than a dozen times a day is sending up flares.
At least they’re not converting the Lincoln Memorial to the Charlie Kirk Memorial.
September 18, 2025 at 2:24 PM
At least they’re not converting the Lincoln Memorial to the Charlie Kirk Memorial.
There are so many bizarre subcultures out there. In my day, all we had to get used to was hearing about some guy who blew his dog.
September 18, 2025 at 4:06 AM
There are so many bizarre subcultures out there. In my day, all we had to get used to was hearing about some guy who blew his dog.
The trouble with dead people is that there is always something more you need to ask them.
September 15, 2025 at 2:02 AM
The trouble with dead people is that there is always something more you need to ask them.
I solved the Saturday 9/13/2025 New York Times Daily Crossword in 17:51!
September 13, 2025 at 11:56 AM
I solved the Saturday 9/13/2025 New York Times Daily Crossword in 17:51!
Nobody signed your yearbook?
September 10, 2025 at 5:01 PM
Nobody signed your yearbook?
So when will Trump rename ICE to Extermination Force?
September 10, 2025 at 6:47 AM
So when will Trump rename ICE to Extermination Force?
Entry level jobs are safe until AI learns how to sulk.
September 9, 2025 at 4:48 AM
Entry level jobs are safe until AI learns how to sulk.
Florida Cuisine encompasses any dish prepared in the presence of cockroaches, flies, rodent droppings, and cooked meat stacked on top of raw.
September 8, 2025 at 3:04 AM
Florida Cuisine encompasses any dish prepared in the presence of cockroaches, flies, rodent droppings, and cooked meat stacked on top of raw.
Stop whatever you’re doing for a second and tighten your keychain,
September 7, 2025 at 5:07 PM
Stop whatever you’re doing for a second and tighten your keychain,
Why did they make languishing so comfortable?
August 29, 2025 at 11:51 PM
Why did they make languishing so comfortable?
Ghislaine could have had fun and claimed Epstein Island had a Mongoloid Room.
August 29, 2025 at 11:26 PM
Ghislaine could have had fun and claimed Epstein Island had a Mongoloid Room.
The good thing about being a restless sleeper is that it takes no time at all to break in your side of a new mattress.
August 29, 2025 at 5:03 AM
The good thing about being a restless sleeper is that it takes no time at all to break in your side of a new mattress.
Congratulations to Mel Robbins for writing a bestselling book in 45 minutes based on one thought.
August 29, 2025 at 4:06 AM
Congratulations to Mel Robbins for writing a bestselling book in 45 minutes based on one thought.
Sobriety is like being an exchange student in a country you didn’t choose.
August 25, 2025 at 4:52 AM
Sobriety is like being an exchange student in a country you didn’t choose.
You know what sucked most for me at Catholic school? Being made by the nuns to draw seams on the back of their nylons while the whole class watched.
August 23, 2025 at 9:39 AM
You know what sucked most for me at Catholic school? Being made by the nuns to draw seams on the back of their nylons while the whole class watched.
Fuck that X-Games and Red Bull nonsense. I took a shit in a public bathroom during the height of COVID. Beat that.
August 21, 2025 at 3:48 AM
Fuck that X-Games and Red Bull nonsense. I took a shit in a public bathroom during the height of COVID. Beat that.