< up, grabbed my gym bag and headed out to the centre to train with the kids like I had promised.

< word haunted me.

With that word, I had given up on something I wasn’t sure I would ever be whole without. I released the record button and hit send instantly… Then I did what she would want me to do. Took a moment, tried to pack away the chaos that was wide awake inside us now. Then I stood >

< membership.” I chuckled, a stupid attempt at normalcy. Another pause.

“We’re here.” I swallowed. “We are still… 𝕙𝕖𝕣𝕖. I’m here. I can still hear you in your silence. They can’t take that away from us.” I rubbed my hand across my unshaven jaw and cleared my throat. I didn’t say goodbye… that >

< different to us when we used that word. Had that changed? “Um… anyway… I gotta go. The kids from the carwash are getting their money’s worth out of me.” I laughed a little, it was genuine because those kids… they were cheeky shits… they were good kids. “I’m gonna have to start charging a >

< know that.” I paused. “Fuck… this is so… I don’t know how to say it without it sounding fucking weird. But I need you to know… I know you're there.” My throat constricted. “You don’t need to say anything… because I just know. You’re here, you’re…” I couldn’t say 𝕞𝕚𝕟𝕖, it had meant something >

< 'online'… it never did, she had her privacy setting set not to, it meant she had no idea I had this chat open either… unless I was right, and then she’d see a micophone logo in the bottom corner telling her I was recording. “I just know. I know you can’t respond, and that’s okay, I need you to >

< the hell I was about to say in a text. The little bars that moved when you spoke stayed flat for a few seconds until finally.

“Leah…” I said… fuck! Her name was like a prayer. “I know you’re there… I don’t know how. But I just…” I sighed… my hand dragging through my hair. Her status didn’t say >

< was palm-sized and plastic. But it was my phone that pulled my gaze… the open window seemed to whisper about it. Words I couldn’t hear, but somehow I knew I needed to say them. These unknown… unknowable words.

I picked it up and hit the voice note key… I knew there was no way to say whatever >

< girls.

I headed to my room to grab my bag, and trainers… There it was… sat on the bedside table. The beeper is haunting my every step. Making it impossible to appreciate even the morning like this, where mom was feeling well and happy. It was a sword over our heads… only this sword >

< lifting, but they are built differently, and I don’t want to teach them something they should have a different technique for.”

‘Well, everyone from the centre is saying you are doing a wonderful job.’ Mom added, sipping her tea. I waited, but she didn’t suggest I ask Leah for advice on the >

< you. You really make such an effort for those kids.’

The group had grown from two boys to ten kids, now, and two girls. “I still think I need to find a real trainer for them… I’m not exactly qualified. Especially with the girls.’ I held up a hand to stop Mom. “Not because they shouldn’t be >

< her easy demeanour that she wasn't going to today.

‘What are your plans for the day?’ she asked.

“I have another training session with the kids at the community centre,” I told her honestly.

‘I’m so proud of thos boys for sticking to it… they are dedicated.’ She smiled at me. ‘Just like >

< shooed me, and of course, I caved, shuffling to the hallway to grab a dollar from my jacket pocket and stuffed it in the half-full jar. She hadn’t brought up my going back home in a few weeks… or the fact that I had more clothes here now than at the house I still paid rent for. I could tell by >

< I looked back to see Mom glaring, then her eyes darted to the swear jar. I huffed.

“I’ll get it after my coffee…” I sighed. She had put the old swear jar back on top of the fridge now that Jake, Quil and I were spending so much time here.

‘That’s the odlest one in the book… go, go, go…’ She >