*gestures to American politics*

I loved the Ancient Leshen fight and the amount of training and theorycrafting my group had to do to take it down the first time

Voices pop into my head that tell me I'll never have it back. That to try is foolish. And mostly, there is this nauseating feeling of guilt for even trying. Like there's some sin I need to atone for and it will have its atonement through physical pain and illness. It's a barrier that I struggle with

It's almost like being attacked by the ghosts of drawings that never came to fruition. Images flash across my mind, in rapid succession, of all these different things I *could* draw, each one adding to the feeling of disappointment and betrayal that I let this part of me go. That I wasn't enough

Staring at a blank piece of paper now, though, feels like torture. The inspiration is there. It is pure and light hearted and deep like I remember it being, but when I go to act in it, it is painful. No matter how clear the image is in my head when I sit down, it is destroyed the second I see paper.

I lost my desire to do art many years ago due to trauma/cPSD. While I've worked on many of the aspects of my life that have been impacted by it, it wasn't until recently that I've felt any desire to draw again. It's been probably seven or eight years at this point