Me to my child: I love you!
My child: You.. have a RED eye.

Yesterday my first born said to me:
"mummy your boobies look like two big bowls of noodles".

Me: It would be really nice if I could lose a tiny bit of weight to not have to buy new clothes.

My kids nursery: Hey, have you tried..
✨ Norovirus ✨ ?

Overheard a woman working in the pharmacy saying she had more scrippy wippys (prescriptions) to deal with. I think I need to be more like hery wery.

Today one of my toddlers has been trying to convince me to drink a whole bottle of "salty and juicy" soy sauce.

I just want everyone to know that I've started the new year with a bang by taking a vitamin tablet before bed x

I like to get my kicks by waiting till the last few minutes of light to take the bins out. That way there is a slight risk I'll trip over in the dark.