my son got two different toy fire trucks for christmas. two. and despite being considerably more familiar with their purpose and operation, i didn’t receive a single fucking fire truck

My pussy tastes like Brad’s Drink.

Breaking, a man who fits those descriptions describes himself as such.

Live action Scar voice: He’s not a jabroni, he’s my homie.

Doing soft shoe at the hospital

Let me put an even finer point on this: Nancy Pelosi intervened in the House Oversight race to make sure a 74 year old cancer patient won over an up and coming, Latino woman—right before Musk eviscerated the government.

Who do we think would’ve done a better job at providing oversight?

First they came for Tim Onion for having a girlfriend and owning the Onion, and I did not speak out for I don’t have a girlfriend and own the Onion.

Posting into the void of blusky definitely feels different than posting into the void of Twitter. I think because Twitter was so vast you could post and know that no one would see it but blusky is small and pushes posts to people differently and what if someone sees it and thinks I’m weird?

I just want to be funny and not have been traumatized

It’s crazy that Sully Sullenberger and I were living the exact same life in 2003.

It’s so wild to me that are like “crazy that the Pitt works,” yeah it fucking works, it’s ER.

Me being able to deal with moderate conflict: am I a god?

Wow Bluesky is finally good and all it took was a group chat

I hate the fact I’m not allowed to be crazy about anything.

Switched from Ritalin to adderall. You know that feeling that adhd people say that they have where they take meds and are like “oh my life could have been this easy”?

It’s very weird to experience that feeling a second time.

Like everyone I am addicted to Balatro. Like everyone I own it on everything.

The problem is that I started playing in on PC with my ultra wide monitor so now if I play it on anything else I am like “what is this? A card game for ants?”

“Shouldn’t they be flying American flags? I won’t take them seriously if they block the highway”

Shut the fuck up, bootlicker.

Watching Succession for the first time. New favorite character is comedian doing a corporate that destroys the deal.

Re: The Iron Claw: I think any movie that makes you go “fuck this stupid movie man” while you are sobbing at least a deserves a nomination.